Do I make DD give up rainbows/brownies because of school?

[RainbowsBrowniesLove]

DD is 6, very nearly 7 (end of July). Year 2.

Every week she has spellings and 2 pieces of homework to do.

If they get less than 50% on their spelling test on a Friday morning they lose 15 minutes of golden time on Friday afternoon.

If homework isn’t handed in on Thursday they lose 15 minutes of golden time on Friday to do the homework – so can lose half an hour.

They can also lose up to 15 minutes for bad behaviour throughout the week, so in theory they can lose the entire hour of golden time.

DD never does her homework. We do the reading and spellings but never the homework so she only ever gets at most 30 minutes of golden time.

1 night a week she swims for a half hour lesson immediately after school, we come home and she’s often tired but will attempt reading and sometimes spellings. If she’s too tired we read again in the morning, and I try and test her spellings on the walk to school but she doesn’t always want to.

1 night a week we go from school, have a quick bite to eat, change into rainbows uniform and off we go. This is currently a few nights after swimming but when she moves to Brownies after October Half Term it’ll be the night before swimming (Swimming is Tuesday and Rainbows Thursday, Brownies will be Mondays)

She will have to spell between 8 and 12 spellings, she usually gets between 0 and 3 right. School are saying she needs extra practice an extra night a week. Spellings are given out Monday after Fridays test so can’t even do extra practice over the weekend.

Part of me thinks she should give up Rainbows/Brownies to help school work as she can’t give up swimming for safety and medical reasons – we live in a town with a fast flowing river, a canal and a small lake, and she has a medical issue that’s greatly improved by swimming, school do 1 term of swimming in year 4 that’s it due to where the pool is compared to school (it’s not easily walkable so they have to charge parents to go and they never get 100% payment so it’s not financially feasible to do it more often) so she needs to learn to swim and the effect on her medical condition means I will not be stopping those lessons.

But then another part of me thinks that she was behind when she started school in 2018* and she benefits so much from Rainbows – she talks about it for days afterwards, has invited some of the girls from there to her party in July (she doesn’t know they’re coming though, as I haven’t told her yet) and it’s the one place she’s not with classmates (like at swimming) so not comparing herself to others. It’s one of the few places she’s her for her and not for her difficulties – she does everything at the same time as all the other girls, wears the same clothes/uniform and no-one but the group leader knows of her difficulties (none of the other leaders/helpers know as group leader felt it was need to know only). So I don’t want her to give that up. Also selfishly I was never allowed to join guiding as a child and always wanted to so the fact DD loves it also makes me incredibly happy.

*When she started school in 2018 she was 12 months behind and spent parts of the day in Reception out of the classroom with a TA trying to “plug the gaps”. Because of lockdown and her being unable to engage with most of the home learning (and school refusing her a place despite me, DDs paediatrician and DDs teacher begging for a place for her) and some medical treatment before Christmas where she missed a few weeks she’s now around 18 months behind. She has a communication disorder caused by joint problems that also cause mobility issues, she can also have issues with making it to the toilet on time. School also think she might be dyslexic and/or have hearing issues but won’t refer her for dyslexia assessment until the Christmas of year 3. She is also not currently getting targetted support school say due to covid, and it's obvious she's struggling with the actual work as well as spellings.

My ramblings come after we walked back from rainbows and I was testing her spellings for the week and she can’t spell any of them. We’ve practiced 3 times this week and she’s not got any right despite the practice.

For added context I am a single parent and she goes to ExH EOW, he will not take her to any activities, and she often misses parties of her friends if they fall on his weekend. He will not do schoolwork with her so an extension for the homework would only help on my weekends as I get her back from him too late on Sunday to do anything.

So do I stop rainbows/brownies or keep her there? Basically WWYD if it was your DD?

I apologise in advance if I drip feed I don’t know what other information people might want from me

By the way, dyslexia etc is not your biggest problem here and learning to spell is not the real challenge. Getting the right support in place and maintaining your child's mental health is the real challenge and your most important task as a parent. When you're faced with low self-esteem and anxiety because years of failed spelling tests have somehow made your child think they've failed at life, you will be grasping brownies, swimming etc with both hands. Anything to make them whole and happy. As important as appropriate early interventions are, spellings don't matter. They just don't matter a hill of beans in comparison to what your school is doing to your child. Don't help them. She deserves and needs more of all that to compensate for the daily messages and stress she's facing.

I can’t afford to pay private unfortunately, I’m on an ok wage but get no help from her dad (whole other thread) so everything goes on bills, food etc. I have agreements with swimming and Girlguiding uk about paying for those, I pay a few £ each week rather than £30 a term or however much it is so I can balance everything.

School were great until this year, I’ve never had to “take them on” as such before there were the meetings and communication. So I think I’ll be discussing with senco or the head about how we can support her going into year 3 and whether the same restrictions will apply with books coming home. I think if I can get the communication going again I can then try and understand what’s happening in school and support her. So that’s my biggest hang up. She never lost golden time before this year as far as I’m aware, looking back through the communication books from Reception and Year 1 I can see where DDs been “punished” or not. So last years teacher might write “asked to stop talking, told twice so lost a house point” whereas if it was due to her conditions she’d write “supported to write the word “cat””

I won’t be stopping rainbows, I can see how much she benefits from it, and she absolutely loves it. And I won’t stop swimming either.

I think I will “help” her with homework, it’s all online now so the teacher probably won’t know if I help her with the answers. Or even set a timer for say 10 minutes and see how much she can do.

Thank you everyone this thread has been very helpful and I will be getting my big girl pants on and fighting for the right support.

Your scenario is very similar to mine (except thankfully our school doesn't have these ridiculous policies) also a singer parent 2 DD's one dyslexic, another pretty sure also but not at that stage yet, just being monitored. She's 8 and there's absolutely no way I'd stop clubs for homework. All the spelling practice in the world won't necessarily make a difference. DD1 is 11 and still sometimes spells her surname wrong fgs. School need to find better ways to support your dd and not punish her for a learning disability. My dc have got so much out of brownies and rainbows. Dd1 did used to do her homework but dd2 only does her reading. We don't have tine for anything else. (They now go to their dads EOW, didn't used to, and the same as you he does nothing with them and won't take them to any clubs so it all falls to me to cram it in to the week). I've spoken to the teacher re homework this year (for 8 year old - year 2 equivalent) and thankfully she agreed that her extra curricular things were far more important. She said she loved hearing about them all from dd. Dc ride approx 3 times a week, swim and do brownies and guides. There used to be more pre ponies and pre covid. I think that amount of homework for a 6 year old is insane anyway. It's a lot more than either of mine have ever had.

Don't pull her out. She's getting a lot from it socially. How is she learning spellings? Phonics or memorisation? Phonics seems to be thing thing now but I learned much more easily with Look, Cover, Write, Check style practice.

Easy way to help with reading is watching TV with subtitles on. They read them without realising it and gain a sense of how a word is supposed to 'look.'

It's very concerning that your child is 18 months behind and the teacher is refusing any direct communication, yet thinks it's ok to punish a 6 year old for not passing a spelling test.

Does the teacher know that your daughter is spending time trying to learn the spellings and just can't do it? Or does she assume no effort is being made? Either way it's still wrong to punish the child obviously.

I think you need to make an appointment to see the teacher face to face or via video call, to discuss your daughter's progress, what things they are doing to help her, and what if anything you can do to support that. I would also raise the concern that despite her best efforts she can't learn the spellings and punishment is going to put her off altogether. Ask for work of am appropriate level to be set, make it clear that you are happy to spend time with her on books and reading but not prepared to persevere with tasks that are too difficult and ask them not to punish her for anything other than bad behaviour. Covid is being used as an excuse here, in my opinion. Yes it has made things awkward but this has now been going on over a year and adaptations should have been made in order to communicate with parents, especially for children like yours who obviously should be a priority. Other workplaces have managed with video calls so schools can surely do the same. If teacher refuses then go to the head and make a written complaint.

I would also question why sending homework sheets is not a covid risk but a parent communication book is? And they can't even provide a reading book? It all sounds very shoddy.

you are great OP,keep the activities, the problem is the school and your Ex who seems to have absolutely no interest in his child can't believe how easy a ride he is getting here
My DD really struggles with reading and now at Year6 we spend 30 minutes a day taking turns reading a page each and i also get her to read things as i 'keep forgetting my glasses' but put absolutely no pressure on. School were no help too blaming large classrooms so cannot give extra support to one child.

Have you considered Nessy? It's online. It's worth a try. Supposed to be directed at children with dyslexia although I don't know if it's suitable for this situation.

Planet dyslexia might be able to offer you some support or help too if you explained what you're going through.

Have a word with the head. You should be able to get to them at the gate or something rather than trying to go through the secretary? Rainbows sounds like it’s great for your DD.

Alternatively you could just do the homework for her? I’m a teacher and I’ve seen it done. Parents say they scribed it... I know it makes even more of a mockery of it but might be worth it if the school are going to be silly about it

Don't give up Rainbows/Brownies children need an outlet from school.

I think your DD's school is being very unreasonable regarding the punishment dished out re spellings. I would insist that the teacher hands out the spelling list on a Friday so that your DD has the weekend and all week to work on them for the following Friday. This is a reasonable request and hopefully means that your DD wouldn't be as tired to learn a few more spellings.

Homework is all online. It’s set through an online app thing and you either fill it in on the app or print it off fill it in and take a photo to upload to the app. Teacher wouldn’t know whether I’d done it or DD.

No mine got so much from rainbows brownies and guides and still passed all exams!

Problem with Friday getting the spellings/homework is it still only gives her an extra hour or so before school every other week due to her being with her dad and his refusal to do anything with her so I’m not actually sure how thatd help he won’t even read a book with her apart from at bedtime whereas I read a book or chapter of a book with her after eating.

I can’t do much about the Ex unless I take it back to court and I’m not willing to do that when the contact is otherwise safe and appropriate for DD.

Lots of good suggestions but some that won't necessarily help all dyslexic dc. Getting the spelling list early wouldn't help dd. She could practice a word 100 times over one day then later on the same day spell the same word 3 different ways in one piece of writing. The subtitles on tv and how a word looks is a great tip but again knowing what a word looks like doesn't always help. Both my DD's are actually very good readers so they know what the words look like. That just doesn't get transferred on to the paper. The subtitles are worth a try and cannot do any harm but I'd not put any more pressure on the spelling practice than you would any other child.

@cocoloco987

Lots of good suggestions but some that won't necessarily help all dyslexic dc. Getting the spelling list early wouldn't help dd. She could practice a word 100 times over one day then later on the same day spell the same word 3 different ways in one piece of writing. The subtitles on tv and how a word looks is a great tip but again knowing what a word looks like doesn't always help. Both my DD's are actually very good readers so they know what the words look like. That just doesn't get transferred on to the paper. The subtitles are worth a try and cannot do any harm but I'd not put any more pressure on the spelling practice than you would any other child.

That sounds so like my DD. When we’re reading she remembers a word so knows it when she comes across it again but if it’s out of context or she’s asked to spell it away from the book she’s unlikely to know.

No definitely let her carry on with Brownies and swimming. I’d speak to the school and get SEN support in place if necessary. Ask them to adjust the number of weekly spellings to a realistic level for her.

But also, you mention she doesn’t always want to practice spellings...no-one wants to practice spellings, but it’s important, and she’s struggling, so I’d ramp it up a bit with what you do with her. Find ten minute slots in the day when you can practise, find relevant ‘non-school-looking’ resources, games or worksheets to just keep it going. Give rewards if necessary to motivate her. Good luck.

Bloody hell, agree with others that the school sounds absolutely shit. Horrible sanctions, crap SEN support, a teacher that sounds like she didn't even know who your DD is, and virtually non existent communication.

Covid is NO excuse no to do the parent-teacher book either. They could do it via email, or just ask if you're ok with the normal book coming home.

They sound shitty and lazy tbh. I would not tolerate any of this. Our school is very far from perfect but not like this.

Let us know how your conversation with them goes, but if they don't sort their shit out I'd be looking for a new school.

To get her the golden time could you ditch the spelling (as 50% is unachievable) and do the homework instead. Its likely that spelling tests are just horrific for her if she is dyslexic anyway. They really shouldn't be putting her through that week after week.

On the money front have you tried for DLA? Toileting issues at 7 are a flag for that I would think as well as all the additional helps she needs.

That sounds so like my DD. When we’re reading she remembers a word so knows it when she comes across it again but if it’s out of context or she’s asked to spell it away from the book she’s unlikely to know.

Yes! Took me a long time to get this across to dd1's teachers. She can read books because she is bright, has a good vocabulary and can remember but also predict and work out what it will say. Out of context eg reading signs at visitor attractions could be whole different matter. She's a very good reader even out of context now though (age 11 last year of primary) her spelling is still pretty terrible though and can as I said previously sometimes even spell her surname incorrectly. Dd2 has a very good teacher this year who has picked up on the disparity between her abilities in other areas and her literacy, mainly spelling, as again her reading of school books is good but I have explained it's still quite different when out of context and thankfully she's listening.

She is also not currently getting targetted support school say due to covid*

Guidance from the DfE is to the effect that children who need support should be getting it, and that Covid is not an excuse. If anything, it should be easier to give support given the extra funding put in place for catch-up tuition.

You should apply again for assessment - don't wait for the school to do it - and if it is refused again, appeal. Appealing is really quite easy: all you have to show is that she may have SEN and she may need support through an EHCP. Given that the school isn't providing support, it is clear that she meets the criteria for the second limb of that test, which are basically that the child is not making progress and needs support above what is normally available via standard mainstream resources. Parents win over 90% of appeals against refusal to assess.

If or when your DD gets an EHCP, try to get written into it that they must make reasonable adjustments which should include not imposing unreasonable expectations in terms of homework, and not punishing her for being dyslexic.

Can you get a dyslexia assessment done privately? That will help you in pushing for reasonable adjustments.

As a dyslexic
She can read books because she is bright, has a good vocabulary and can remember but also predict and work out what it will say.
This is absolutely how I learned to read.

The school is being bloody awful but that has all been covered by others.

Push for proper support for your dd and don't take away the things she enjoys and can do.

Honestly OP, at this age, I’d continue to work with her as you are and let her continue with brownies.

I’ll tell you a secret. I sucked at spelling lessons and tests at that age.

This was a million years ago, but essentially you stayed on a spelling list until you passed the test. I’m pretty sure I was stuck on the second or third list for half the year. If I remember correctly it was the only time I got less than a a ‘passing’ grade (or equivalent) in my early years of school, I was always in the highest reading and language groups, but just had a total block on spelling that year.

So not only was I not able to get past the one test I got stuck on, I also essentially missed studying most of the other words that year.

I can assure you it did no lasting harm, I was and still am a voracious reader and my spelling was just fine during the rest of my years at school.

At that age keep an eye out, keep her engaged and interested, and keep her reading. Far more important than drilling her on spelling lists relentlessly to pass tests.

I am not an expert on child education, development, or anything besides failing spelling tests as a 7 year old. So take this advice with a grain of salt.

Sorry this may have been said but...

Don’t stop the activities, super important and she enjoys them. Far too young to stop thongs for homework.

Why on earth won’t school give spellings so you also have the weekend? I’d def complain on that.