Do I make DD give up rainbows/brownies because of school?

[RainbowsBrowniesLove]

DD is 6, very nearly 7 (end of July). Year 2.

Every week she has spellings and 2 pieces of homework to do.

If they get less than 50% on their spelling test on a Friday morning they lose 15 minutes of golden time on Friday afternoon.

If homework isn’t handed in on Thursday they lose 15 minutes of golden time on Friday to do the homework – so can lose half an hour.

They can also lose up to 15 minutes for bad behaviour throughout the week, so in theory they can lose the entire hour of golden time.

DD never does her homework. We do the reading and spellings but never the homework so she only ever gets at most 30 minutes of golden time.

1 night a week she swims for a half hour lesson immediately after school, we come home and she’s often tired but will attempt reading and sometimes spellings. If she’s too tired we read again in the morning, and I try and test her spellings on the walk to school but she doesn’t always want to.

1 night a week we go from school, have a quick bite to eat, change into rainbows uniform and off we go. This is currently a few nights after swimming but when she moves to Brownies after October Half Term it’ll be the night before swimming (Swimming is Tuesday and Rainbows Thursday, Brownies will be Mondays)

She will have to spell between 8 and 12 spellings, she usually gets between 0 and 3 right. School are saying she needs extra practice an extra night a week. Spellings are given out Monday after Fridays test so can’t even do extra practice over the weekend.

Part of me thinks she should give up Rainbows/Brownies to help school work as she can’t give up swimming for safety and medical reasons – we live in a town with a fast flowing river, a canal and a small lake, and she has a medical issue that’s greatly improved by swimming, school do 1 term of swimming in year 4 that’s it due to where the pool is compared to school (it’s not easily walkable so they have to charge parents to go and they never get 100% payment so it’s not financially feasible to do it more often) so she needs to learn to swim and the effect on her medical condition means I will not be stopping those lessons.

But then another part of me thinks that she was behind when she started school in 2018* and she benefits so much from Rainbows – she talks about it for days afterwards, has invited some of the girls from there to her party in July (she doesn’t know they’re coming though, as I haven’t told her yet) and it’s the one place she’s not with classmates (like at swimming) so not comparing herself to others. It’s one of the few places she’s her for her and not for her difficulties – she does everything at the same time as all the other girls, wears the same clothes/uniform and no-one but the group leader knows of her difficulties (none of the other leaders/helpers know as group leader felt it was need to know only). So I don’t want her to give that up. Also selfishly I was never allowed to join guiding as a child and always wanted to so the fact DD loves it also makes me incredibly happy.

*When she started school in 2018 she was 12 months behind and spent parts of the day in Reception out of the classroom with a TA trying to “plug the gaps”. Because of lockdown and her being unable to engage with most of the home learning (and school refusing her a place despite me, DDs paediatrician and DDs teacher begging for a place for her) and some medical treatment before Christmas where she missed a few weeks she’s now around 18 months behind. She has a communication disorder caused by joint problems that also cause mobility issues, she can also have issues with making it to the toilet on time. School also think she might be dyslexic and/or have hearing issues but won’t refer her for dyslexia assessment until the Christmas of year 3. She is also not currently getting targetted support school say due to covid, and it's obvious she's struggling with the actual work as well as spellings.

My ramblings come after we walked back from rainbows and I was testing her spellings for the week and she can’t spell any of them. We’ve practiced 3 times this week and she’s not got any right despite the practice.

For added context I am a single parent and she goes to ExH EOW, he will not take her to any activities, and she often misses parties of her friends if they fall on his weekend. He will not do schoolwork with her so an extension for the homework would only help on my weekends as I get her back from him too late on Sunday to do anything.

So do I stop rainbows/brownies or keep her there? Basically WWYD if it was your DD?

I apologise in advance if I drip feed I don’t know what other information people might want from me

This sounds awful and given your DDs potential dyslexia, discriminatory. How very sad that this is what schools in the UK have become in order to push young children to meet targets.

Totally agree with everyone else about keeping with Rainbows/Guides.
You probably don't want extra resources, but can I suggest the website Spelling Tutor - it's aimed at dyslexic or non-dyslexic children who struggle with spelling. My DD could study for a test and get maybe 7/10 but the week after would spell all the words wrong in her actual writing - she was well behind with spelling! Spelling Tutor has really, really helped her though doing just 15 mins 3 /4 times a week - much more progress than the weekly spelling test.

Please please don't make her give up Rainbows or brownies or swimming. If it was me I would speak to the school about being punished for not getting her spellings right. I don't think this encourages children to learn at all. It makes them resentful and possibly fearful.
I remember at a very early age age 5 ish on a Friday having to do "sums" corrections, whilst the other children played in the water or the sand, Wendy house etc. ( this was back in the 1950s) It has stayed with me all these years. I'm fine now but it took along time.
I see you say she's tired in the morning. Do you think she might benefit from going to bed a little earlier?
Good luck, I hope it goes well sorting things out.

Btw OP there is no "Ofsted homework box" to tick. My children's school don't set any homework for any year group, only reading and times tables practice, and that's not recorded. They have a kick arse queen of a headteacher though, who is very experienced and knows what she's doing, she's more than happy to shoot down and explain her reasoning for not setting homework (no evidence of benefit) whenever parents complain, as some do. Considering homework isn't even a requirement, it's likely something that only exists because of pushy parents who like it, losing Golden Time for non completion is extreme.

I'd change her schools. Childhood is precious and fleeting.

@saltinesandcoffeecups, same for DS with a maths sheet. I only found out years later but he spent most of year 1 on the same maths worksheet as he couldn't get it right.

Changed school, diagnosed with ADHD, amazing teachers, now in S1 (Scotland) in an upper stream for maths and got 88% in a test yesterday. Stayed up to speed with maths lessons throughout learning from home, even when I struggled to help him.

How can some teachers not realise when their approach clearly isn't working for some children and adapt? Gutting for the kids who take years to recover their confidence.

Hi OP I'm dyslexic (picked up when very young I'm now 40). Just a quick thought- I learn through listening, as do many (but not all) dyslexics, visual learning like reading and seeing things written don't work for me at all - maybe your daughter is the same? I learnt spellings by putting them to a tune and singing them out (I was still behind everyone else but it did help). It may not work for your DD but it could be worth a try, especially if she enjoys little songs with her toys.

Hi OP. Are there any small village schools near you with good Ofsted reports? My daughter's school has only recently moved to 1 class per year due to space and the number of students. It means they are able to provide 1-1 help to any child that needs it.
Regarding the spellings on dad's week I would explain and ask if you could have 2 weeks of spellings.

This is so sad, but wonderful that you are not forcing the homework. She sounds a bit like my daughter in some ways.
The school is ridiculous and it's a shame you don't have the option to move her.

If she is getting such low spelling scores, one more evening of spelling practice won’t work.

The school are discriminating and you need to push for more support. If they suspect she is dyslexic and are punishing her for not passing spelling tests, that is incredibly mean. Pushing her to practice more is only setting her up for failure.

Make an appointment with the head teacher and go over their head if they don’t help.

@Demelza82

What a shame you aren't supporting your child's education by giving her the right attitude re,: homework. This seems a problem of your own creation

Hmmm everyone else on the thread has said activities are more important than homework for a 6 year old. And we are all right.

This post smacks of trolling. And a personal attack on the OP which is completely and utterly unwarranted.

@Demelza82

What a shame you aren't supporting your child's education by giving her the right attitude re,: homework. This seems a problem of your own creation

At 6? What a ridiculous thing to say. The bigger issue is why the school is wasting so much time with homework for 6 year olds.

And to add, if DD ever lost golden time due to the school not taking her disability in to account, I’d pick her up early (for an “appointment”) and we’d do fun stuff instead. That way, she knew I had her back.

What a shame you aren't supporting your child's education by giving her the right attitude re,: homework.

What a shame you don’t see the need for reasonable adjustments to be made for kids with disabilities.

That post by Demelza82 has made me angry on your behalf op. I have reported it, but just remember that it's not the majority view. And probably just a inflammatory post.

My children are in school clubs until 6pm (their choice) every day and we still get reading and spellings done as well as piano and singing practice. Most children get up early, do them then! Put the Squeebles app on a phone and record her spellings onto that so she can practice on her own. There are many hours in the morning and after school to fit these things in and you are letting her down by not doing them.

@MintyMabel what on earth is the world coming to when you have to pick your child up,provide a fun activity because he/she has been excluded from Golden Time.So called Golden Time is just very,very basic behaviour modification.

I’ve taught this year group and the most “homework” I’ve set is spellings, which the children learn over the weekend. I also encourage children to read a page or 2 with their parent everyday. I don’t understand why your DD is set so much homework.

Could you try reading with her whilst dinner is cooking in the oven? Or before school if you get up a little earlier? Just listen to her read.

I’ve never kept a child in because they didn’t do well in their spelling test.

@SoSadAboutMyDad

My children are in school clubs until 6pm (their choice) every day and we still get reading and spellings done as well as piano and singing practice. Most children get up early, do them then! Put the Squeebles app on a phone and record her spellings onto that so she can practice on her own. There are many hours in the morning and after school to fit these things in and you are letting her down by not doing them.

Are your children dyslexic? Do they have a communication disorder and possible hearing issues? If not the situation simply isn't comparable.

what on earth is the world coming to when you have to pick your child up,provide a fun activity because he/she has been excluded from Golden Time.So called Golden Time is just very,very basic behaviour modification.

When they exclude her on the basis of something to do with her disability, it is far from basic behaviour modification. We had one teacher who took golden time off her because she argued with the teacher about a PE lesson. The correct course of action (as every other teacher had done, as her Form 4 stated) was to ask DD if she was able to do PE that day. This teacher refused to do that and DD started by asking nicely then got upset as the teacher didn't listen to her and ended up melting down. The teacher took Golden Time off her. I called and she refused to re-instate it as DD had "been very rude" to her. DD doesn't do rude and it was the only time in her 7 years at Primary School that she lost golden time. I picked her up and we went bowling. She knows I have her back.

Definitely don’t stop rainbows / brownies!!

1. If she is struggling so much with the spelling, is an extra hour a week going to make a difference?

1. The school are giving her spellings that are too hard. You are already helping her to learn them but she still can’t do it. School should be differentiating the spelling so she doesn’t have to sacrifice her hobbies at 7 years old to try and fail to learn the bloody things!

Please please do not let her give up the hobbies that bring her joy because her teacher isn’t teaching her properly!!

You sound like such a terrific and insightful mum OP. You're really switched onto your DD's needs and doing an absolutely fantastic job. Glad you're going to keep Brownies. It's EXACTLY the right thing to do.
Your lovely DD sounds very like mine at that age who did turn out to be quite severely dyslexic. Chase up the school, for sure, but also observe and focus on things your daughter shows aptitude in which are not school based, like the singing perhaps.. Maybe she's musical? Finding other things she can achieve in is so important, IMO anyway... We did this with ours who was having a soul destroying time at primary school with bloody spellings etc and she's now at 19, studying violin at the Royal College. Her spelling's still awful, but good software AND other help provided by the DSA get her through. No one cares what her spellings like when she's performing. Xx

She went in happy as anything this morning, told her to do her best on her spellings and as she went round the corner I told the deputy head that I do not want her missing golden time or playtime due to her spellings or lack of

(Have decided to compromise on homework because I'm not the only parent who doesn't do it with their child but will try and do it if I think DD can do).

Deputy head said she'd ring me at lunchtime to talk about it. She's also the SENCO so can hopefully either discuss DDs progress or make another appointment with her to do so.

Don't stop brownies and rainbows. I used to be a leader and know what a pivotal role it plays in development.

Could you explain to the teacher that as she is struggling with the spelling could she be sent them on a Friday to give her two whole days to learn the words?

I am sure it isn't just you in the class who is struggling like this. I think she is being unfair taking away golden time. I can see why she is doing it but the child's needs have to be put first