Do I make DD give up rainbows/brownies because of school?

[RainbowsBrowniesLove]

DD is 6, very nearly 7 (end of July). Year 2.

Every week she has spellings and 2 pieces of homework to do.

If they get less than 50% on their spelling test on a Friday morning they lose 15 minutes of golden time on Friday afternoon.

If homework isn’t handed in on Thursday they lose 15 minutes of golden time on Friday to do the homework – so can lose half an hour.

They can also lose up to 15 minutes for bad behaviour throughout the week, so in theory they can lose the entire hour of golden time.

DD never does her homework. We do the reading and spellings but never the homework so she only ever gets at most 30 minutes of golden time.

1 night a week she swims for a half hour lesson immediately after school, we come home and she’s often tired but will attempt reading and sometimes spellings. If she’s too tired we read again in the morning, and I try and test her spellings on the walk to school but she doesn’t always want to.

1 night a week we go from school, have a quick bite to eat, change into rainbows uniform and off we go. This is currently a few nights after swimming but when she moves to Brownies after October Half Term it’ll be the night before swimming (Swimming is Tuesday and Rainbows Thursday, Brownies will be Mondays)

She will have to spell between 8 and 12 spellings, she usually gets between 0 and 3 right. School are saying she needs extra practice an extra night a week. Spellings are given out Monday after Fridays test so can’t even do extra practice over the weekend.

Part of me thinks she should give up Rainbows/Brownies to help school work as she can’t give up swimming for safety and medical reasons – we live in a town with a fast flowing river, a canal and a small lake, and she has a medical issue that’s greatly improved by swimming, school do 1 term of swimming in year 4 that’s it due to where the pool is compared to school (it’s not easily walkable so they have to charge parents to go and they never get 100% payment so it’s not financially feasible to do it more often) so she needs to learn to swim and the effect on her medical condition means I will not be stopping those lessons.

But then another part of me thinks that she was behind when she started school in 2018* and she benefits so much from Rainbows – she talks about it for days afterwards, has invited some of the girls from there to her party in July (she doesn’t know they’re coming though, as I haven’t told her yet) and it’s the one place she’s not with classmates (like at swimming) so not comparing herself to others. It’s one of the few places she’s her for her and not for her difficulties – she does everything at the same time as all the other girls, wears the same clothes/uniform and no-one but the group leader knows of her difficulties (none of the other leaders/helpers know as group leader felt it was need to know only). So I don’t want her to give that up. Also selfishly I was never allowed to join guiding as a child and always wanted to so the fact DD loves it also makes me incredibly happy.

*When she started school in 2018 she was 12 months behind and spent parts of the day in Reception out of the classroom with a TA trying to “plug the gaps”. Because of lockdown and her being unable to engage with most of the home learning (and school refusing her a place despite me, DDs paediatrician and DDs teacher begging for a place for her) and some medical treatment before Christmas where she missed a few weeks she’s now around 18 months behind. She has a communication disorder caused by joint problems that also cause mobility issues, she can also have issues with making it to the toilet on time. School also think she might be dyslexic and/or have hearing issues but won’t refer her for dyslexia assessment until the Christmas of year 3. She is also not currently getting targetted support school say due to covid, and it's obvious she's struggling with the actual work as well as spellings.

My ramblings come after we walked back from rainbows and I was testing her spellings for the week and she can’t spell any of them. We’ve practiced 3 times this week and she’s not got any right despite the practice.

For added context I am a single parent and she goes to ExH EOW, he will not take her to any activities, and she often misses parties of her friends if they fall on his weekend. He will not do schoolwork with her so an extension for the homework would only help on my weekends as I get her back from him too late on Sunday to do anything.

So do I stop rainbows/brownies or keep her there? Basically WWYD if it was your DD?

I apologise in advance if I drip feed I don’t know what other information people might want from me

It sounds like an awful Behaviour Policy or a teacher applying their own version of the Behaviour Policy.

Get hold of the schools Behaviour Policy - it legally must be published on their website. If this Golden Time rule isn't in it, it shouldn't be used. Query it with the teacher and headteacher. If that doesn't reap results make a complaint via their Complaints Policy. The governors will then be involved.

I'd also check their SEND policy as there should be allowances made for pupils under that.

No child should be punished for getting spellings wrong.

School are massively failing her here. I would write to the head stating that positive reinforcement is needed not negative. If you don't get anywhere go higher.

No school should be pushing children for not being academic. I'd let her join Brownies - especially as she enjoys Rainbows so much. Much more beneficial than a spelling test

I definitely wouldn't stop it as it's a great opportunity to do new things, engage with a different group of friends and get some exercise. We found with our youngest that homework, times tables etc were a chore for him so we did them in the car, at supper, on the way to school etc. Definitely doable without cutting out other important things.

Detention for 6 year olds? Absolutely not acceptable.

If OH refuses to do any school work, surely you need to address that now as it'll be crucial when she's older. Is the contact court ordered? If so I'd go back to court and argue that he isn't parenting and try to get contact reduced.

Please please don’t stop her doing something that she clearly enjoys and that gives her confidence.

And as others have said, even if it is difficult, indeed even if you have to move house please please change schools.

I’m genuinely horrified by this schools behaviour policy and by their complete and utter failure to cater for a child’s needs. She is not being supported and instead is being punished.

Please change schools before she is turned off education for life

Wow this is absolutely appalling. Honestly can't believe there are schools out there who punish children for not getting spellings right. my year 4 child is dyslexic a school like this would really impact on his mental health. It's a lot of work as well, at my school they have spellings and reading to do. No homework and that is more than enough.

I do wonder if it’s just this teacher rather than the school as until she finished year 1 they were fantastic. I’ve never met this teacher where o had met both her Reception and Year 1 teachers so I wonder if it’s partially that we’ve never had chance to agree a strategy between us, until March 2020 I didn’t have parents evening on normal nights I’d go in for 30 minutes after school once every half term and me the teacher and the senco would discuss strategies and progress. Things like the communication book which was useful as I’d get a reply from the teacher or if the teacher couldn’t deal with it then I’d get a comment to say who I needed to contact.

I’ve spoken to her year 2 teacher twice for 10 minutes each time. No communication book, no meetings or discussing strategies etc.

Tbh I feel like the teacher doesn’t really know DD or the class, she makes general comments at parents evening like “the whole class are progressing well”.

Have not RTFT I completely agree with some PPs that the school are being inflexible arses, and that you are doing great. But it sounds as though you are stuck with them, so you may be forced to make the best of it.

Unless Brownies is clearly less important than Golden Time, maybe she has to make that unfair tradeoff in order to keep Brownies.

Finally, here's one suggestion if you have not already tried it: could you explain to the school how she has the medical condition and needs swimming (if possible backed up by a Dr.'s note) for the medical condition as well as for safety in your area; discuss the importance of Brownies to her social development, and ask the school whether they could support her (and you as a single mum) by giving the spellings three days early (Friday instead of following Monday) so that you can work with her on the spellings over the preceding weekend, and see whether that helps at all on the weekends when she is with you. If that does help, then maybe her Dad could somehow be shamed into to helping on the opposite weekends, e.g. if she's getting crap results after Dad's weekends, better results after your weekends, and he doesn't want to build a dossier of concrete evidence that he is being an asshole...

Right.

You need to demand a meeting with the teacher, senco and phase leader to discuss your daughter.

Clearly the message about her needs hasn’t got through and the teacher is not teaching properly.

Time to kick up a fuss

This is so tough. I think it's a lot of homework for a young child but then I have nieces and nephews who are set similar who manage it. The problem is she is struggling so its taking too long and she isnt succeeding with the spellings either.

In general the school sounds like not a great fit for her, its obviously pushy academically and isnt supporting her as a child who is falling further behind. I can understand the school asking for some homework, spellings etc, but it should be differentiated so hers is at a level where a) it's not taking so much of her time and b) she is able to get something from it.

I wouldnt stop the rainbows when she's clearly getting something from it - every child should be able to fit in extra curricular activities. However I would be really pushing hard again on SEN support, it sounds like she really needs it.

FWIW i do most of DD's homework in the morning before school. But we don't have to leave til 8:45.

Follow 5 minute mum for lots of fun ideas for learning spellings. Perhaps if it's more of a game she'll be willing to practice.

And that's a lot of homework for Y2.

Apologies if already said, but would keeping her at rainbows for six months extra help? We asked if we could do this with DD as brownies was going to be a really late finish for her.

Don't stop Rainbows. Even if the school was right (which it categorically isn't), is golden time really more important anyway? Rainbows is more useful in every way.

But the school is wrong. 100%. This has to stop.

6 year olds should be able to enjoy extra-curricular activities without worrying about homework. Sadly however, academies are a law unto themselves. There appears to be no accountability.

Another one who thinks you should keep the Brownies and have a few stern words with the school. My child is the same age. I would be beyond furious if my child's school behaved like this. I would speak to the head around justification for this approach. To me, this is bullying behaviour. I work for a University and the exact opposite approach is taken. We do pick up a reasonable number of students with undiagnosed learning disabilities. They are given huge amounts of support and every opportunity to even the playing field (as it were) is made. I am furious reading your post. Please speak to the school urgently.

If she’s 18 months behind, she should be learning spellings aimed at children in the later half of reception. Is this the case? If she is being given the same spellings as everyone else, the teacher is failing to meet her SEND needs and I would raise it with the SENCO. Does she have SEND targets which are reviewed every half term? She should have - the school have a duty of care to all children but particularly those on the SEND register. Communication from the teacher sounds appalling. Punishing your DD for not getting her spellings right is the path to make her hate school and learning. I would not pull her out of Rainbows/Brownies as she benefits from it so much but I would try and carve some weekend time out to complete her homework.

Homework isn't a legal requirement at primary school. Children are often not in control of where and when (if) they do it, so shouldn't be punished for not doing it. Sometimes it is out of their control...
Differentation is not being effectively applied here.

No I absolutely wouldn't. I would also be having really firm words with the school. Play is an essential part of learning for all primary school kids. The removal of play shows a failure to recognise that and would cause me to be greatly concerned about their understanding of child development.

Does she like playing games on a tablet? If so, get her Squeebles, it's only a few pounds and it is absolutely brilliant for maths (especially times tables) and spellings! You can customise it and even record the spellings in your own voice. A teacher friend recommended it to me. My daughter is at high school now, but seriously... best thing ever!!! Proper learning but lots of fun. Your daughter would also be able to take it to her dad's too and practice on her own.

Just read that back and realised I sound like I have some kind of investment in it! I don't but it really is just brilliant.

Absolutely don't make DD give up rainbows/brownies. Not only does it sound like that would make her deeply unhappy, but it shouldn't be neccessary. Her school is appalling taking no heed of her particular special needs: she's going to learn to hate going at all if this keeps up. I'd be looking into changing schools if that's at all a posssibility, to one where humanity rules rather than rigidity. If you can't change schools, read them the riot act about penalising your DD for things outwith her control - if you're not a very assertive person, maybe you could ask your DD's paediatrician to write a shitty letter to them, or get in touch with your local Social Work dept, and tell them the problem and ask for their input with the school. Or even your local MP: I used to be a Social Worker many moons ago, and it astonished me how much clout MP input has. I'm so sorry for your daughter. I detested school and left at 15 having skipped as much as possible, getting my proper education as an adult, and I know just what it feels like to dread going there every day.

@4PawsGood

Apologies if already said, but would keeping her at rainbows for six months extra help? We asked if we could do this with DD as brownies was going to be a really late finish for her.

I can discuss it with the leader but there’s a waiting list for both Rainbows and Brownies she’s already being delayed by a half term due to covid so I’m not sure, but I will discuss it I have phone numbers for the group leader (I’m never sure of her colour name)

@PricklesAndSpikes

Does she like playing games on a tablet? If so, get her Squeebles, it's only a few pounds and it is absolutely brilliant for maths (especially times tables) and spellings! You can customise it and even record the spellings in your own voice. A teacher friend recommended it to me. My daughter is at high school now, but seriously... best thing ever!!! Proper learning but lots of fun. Your daughter would also be able to take it to her dad's too and practice on her own.

Just read that back and realised I sound like I have some kind of investment in it! I don't but it really is just brilliant.

She loves games on her tablet, I’ve got her a pair of Bluetooth headphones for her birthday so she can listen to Netflix on the tablet while I’m working or listening to the radio. Will look into that game thank you.

Not only would I would keep her in swimming lessons AND rainbows/brownies, I would be going after the school for their ridiculous policies.

They're punishing a child for struggling with spelling. That's not on.

I would threaten to take my daughter out every single Friday afternoon if children are being punished for not doing well on a test. Book appointments for those day and take her out for the whole afternoon if you must, but if they won't hear you, I'd have her out of there.

I think you're doing a brilliant job. It's great all of the opportunities you're giving her.
As a teacher I think it is important for children to socialize especially after this year. Her emotional wellbeing is important too.
I think you may want to talk to the class teacher about your difficulties completing the work. She should not be punished for something she can not control.