'Joke' or HR matter?

[MapleSyrupMoose]

New name as I don't want this linked to my other posts.

I absolutely adore my job and can sometimes get a bit obsessive about new projects. Last week, I was up cycling in the wee hours of the morning, had a sudden idea, and sent an email to a colleague of mine (work email address) regarding this. He almost immediately sent a message to my personal phone number saying, 'Wow you're up early', followed by one saying, 'I don't know why women like you bother working, you could probably sell nudes online and make a fortune'. I ignored him. We had a teams meeting a few hours later and I largely ignored him too. He then sent a message saying, 'Come on, it's just a joke'!

Would I be overreacting if I reported this to HR? Or should I just take it as a 'joke' and move on? We're about the same age (20s but I'm not sure if that matters) in the same role.

Just a joke. I would have seen the funny side to this.

That's awful and definitely inappropriate. You probably should report but to be honest I don't know if I would, I know that's terrible to say. I think I would maybe tell him you didn't find it funny, it's a completely inappropriate thing to say to a colleague and if he says anything like that again, you WILL report him.

Wtf? That's so far from acceptable. He suggested you engage in online porn?? I'd be at HR first thing. Bloody hell.

Totally inappropriate of him but I would tell him that face to face not report to HR. He needs to get the message.

HR

I'd probably ignore the joke (I don't think it's funny tbh), but screen shot it. If he does it again then go to HR.

Report it.

That's gross. I'd definitely be really uncomfortable and I'd report to HR.

Wildly inappropriate and he is betting you don’t report so he can say this to others too!

Report him, it’s not ok!

I'd probably let it go if it was a one off.

Is it possible he is attracted to you and was testing the water a bit? If you were e-mailing him in the small hours of the morning you must be fairly close as work colleagues, and maybe he thought he'd see if you responded to his (admittedly shit) attempt at a compliment?

It’s the doubling down rather than realising he’d misjudged it (!) that I find infuriating.

No, that’s not ok - I’d be wondering what he meant by “women like you” for a start. I probably would talk to my manager about it and decide from there how I wanted to move forward. Too much misogyny is written off as a joke while creating a hostile work environment for women.

100% report this. It's not a fucking "joke." Letting idiot men get away with shit like this is why shit like this will continue to happen. Absolutely unacceptable and I hope he loses his job over it.

Yeah I would be speaking to my
Manager about that, that's not acceptable.

Certainly would be asking what was meant by "women like you"

Ask for a meeting with him and take a trusted colleague along to witness them tell him it's unacceptable

Id take it as a joke and move on,

If he keeps doing it then speak to him, then if it continues then go to HR.. thats what I would do anyway xx

Inappropriate. I'd be telling him that you have incompatible senses of humour, and he should keep his to himself, if he doesn't want to find himself discussing it with HR.

Not ok I would respond saying it was not funny and offensive. At the just a joke I woild respond "I did not find it funny" a second time I would report

Urgh. HR. Unless you'd known him a long time, considered him a friend and had a general two way slightly dirty banter type relationship (and even then it's right on the line!) this is not remotely acceptable.

drpet49 wtf??

HR. It won't be the first time he's done it. He could already be on a warning.
What a *%®¢¥.

If it was the small hours he could have been not sober.

Yes HR

Also. I drink too much and blackout and am in a always on work context and it worries me that I'll reply to something and next day realise I sound sloshed.

Not minimising- as I say, HR for sure.

I'd say also to put a delayed send on fire work hours when these ideas hit you out of hours.

I used to work in HR. I'm glad I don't anymore. Half the issues that ended up on my desk were because people didn't TALK to each other.

It was 100% inappropriate. Of course it was. Simply say so. "That is a grossly inappropriate message to send to a colleague. Don't do it again." Job done. Show him how to act like a grownup.

I'd public embarrass him. I'd say " you know that suggestion you made to me about selling nudes I just wanted to make it clear I'm not down for that kind of conversation it is wholly inappropriate and actually shows lack of respect for women.

Then watch him stumble over his words.

If he'd apologised I wouldn't report it. Since he tried to defend it I absolutely would!

I'm usually fairly laid back about some comments but that one would be over the line for me.

Telling that he didn't send it via the work system, he must know it's not appropriate