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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour complaining about noise

281 replies

YoureGoingToHateMe · 08/06/2021 23:06

I have 2dc - 5yo and 8yo - and today a neighbour came over to ask me to take them inside as they were making too much noise. It was at about 6pm and they’d been playing outside for no more than 45 minutes. Dc2 is partially deaf and is currently being assessed for autism. He sings constantly, not screaming but it is loud and it’s repetitive. Generally it’s the theme from Pirates of the Caribbean while he’s in the garden, occasionally other similar tunes but always the same tune once he has started iyswim.

Neighbour claims it has been going on for hours (it hadn’t, it was definitely around 45 minutes, that she is unable to open the windows in her house as it means she can’t hear her tv/ radio: husband talking and that it had been going on all summer, she just couldn’t stand it anymore and unless I did something about it she would be reporting me to the council.

This neighbour is a second home owner, she only came down around a month ago and is generally here 3-4 days a week. Both our gardens are fairly large and have tress planted down the side. I’ve hopefully attached a diagram as it’s hard to explain that she’s not our direct neighbour but also is, if that makes any sense at all.

I don’t doubt she can hear him while she is in the garden but there is absolutely no way the noise is drowning out her tv etc as she’s claiming. It’s also only been going on for the last couple of weeks as the weather has been so awful lately that we’ve barely been in the garden anyway. The most we’re ever in the garden is a couple of hours a day and most of that time I’ll be out there with them anyway and when I’m there I always make sure dc2 is keeping noise down and distract him from his otherwise constant singing. For the last couple of weeks they’ve been going out for half an hour or so after tea while I’m inside clearing up. It’s never later than 7pm and never before about 10 in the morning.

I explained to her that dc2 was partially deaf and being assessed for autism. She said that’s not her problem (fair enough but I was just trying to explain why he does it) and that next time she heard it she would be recording it and making a noise diary as she had seen suggested on the council website.

AIBU to let dc play in the garden despite knowing how much noise dc2 makes while I’m inside?

TL:DR neighbour expects me to keep my admittedly noisy child quiet while in the garden even though it’s only ever for short periods of time during the day

Neighbour complaining about noise
OP posts:
ContinuousMonotoneBeep · 09/06/2021 10:49

out of curiosity, HOW can you buy a house with guarantee that there's no family in it?
Buy in Vulgaria?

I do get noise can be distracting and repetitive noises irritating, but them's the breaks when you live outside a sound proofed dome.

Since working from home I've discovered the boys next door can scream (a lot) at a very high pitch. Which is a bit tedious when you're working in an attic and have to chose between the cooler air and screaming or muffled screaming and sweltering with window closed.

But since they are entitled to not be captured and gagged (apparently..) that's just the way it is.

ginghamstarfish · 09/06/2021 10:51

On one hand I can see it would be annoying, but anyone buying a house with neighbours (ie almost everyone) has to accept the fact that there will be noise, and more so in good weather. I'd ignore her. As she is fortunate enough to have another home, perhaps she could go back there.

murbblurb · 09/06/2021 10:55

horrible as child singing is (and that is all children, ghastly racket) it is the deal if you have neighbours. Her sympathy should be with you as you can't escape it, and you are clearly doing all you can to minimise it.

the council won't do anything and will just laugh her out the door. They don't do anything for actual deliberate noise and there is absolutely no chance for this. Ignore.

elfycat · 09/06/2021 10:56

I love the idea that you can be more sympathetic because they paid a lot for their second home and now can't enjoy it because residents.

I have less sympathy. They bought a fictional idea and are now trying to force the neighbour into changing their children's behaviour to match their lala-land daydream of what life should be in this town.

It's like people who move to the countryside and complain about farm/agricultural noises. They thought the green space was a huge park. Then find out that it's green because the fields are part of a giant industrial space. let's not even go there with the muck-spreading odours

OP, you sound completely reasonable and grounded in the real world of living in your area. She is bullying you to match her expectations and it is unreasonable. You have a legal and moral right to use your property for family life without fear of harassment. You sound like you are doing your best to minimise the noise you make, though you do not have to. I would be calling 101 if she talks of this again to report her and get advice. Hopefully she's gone and had a think about it and on reflection will realise that she's being a twat of the highest order.

2bazookas · 09/06/2021 10:57

Log her threat (every time she mentions it; note date , terms, any witnesses) and say nothing. Let her go for it.

If the council take any interest they will visit to assess the situation, and if it's as you describe I don't believe they will agree with her .

If she then repeats the bullying you have grounds for a rather more serious complaint of harassment .

Diamondnights · 09/06/2021 11:01

You can't argue/ discuss with crazy. If she's making up/ convincing herself that your kid is out when he's not, she's hardly a reliable witness.

Maybe you could buy her a nice notebook for her 'child singing diary'?

menopause59 · 09/06/2021 11:03

Tell her to F off and report you to the council, I am sure the council will just laugh at her.
I'm sure some people were born at 50 and forget what its like to be a child.
I'm WFH and love hearing children having fun in the garden, even if it is booting a ball at the wall for hours as that's all I heard last week as it was half term

jollygoose · 09/06/2021 11:05

Well I do not sympathise with neighbour one little bit I think she is an absolute COW! My own dc are grown up and the 2 next door are pretty loud I have told their mother I would never complain about children playing noise. Ignore Ignore and some msnetters should have a litle more empathy.

Babyroobs · 09/06/2021 11:05

She sounds like a moaner. I do agree that noise can be annoying, my neighbours kids are so absolutely loud and it's near impossible just to enjoy any time outside, but they are away and on days out a lot . I think your neighbour sounds unreasonable if it was only for a short time.

G5000 · 09/06/2021 11:06

NT children do not need to make noise loud enough to disturb the neighbours!

If we're not talking about a rock concert but just normal child playing noise then yes they do. I live in a village, as there's barely any traffic noise, I can hear neighbours several houses away when they just talk in their garden. So when my DC play in the garden, only way they would not disturb anybody would be if I told them they can't make any sound whatsoever like in Quiet Place. Not going to do that.

If a normal noise of children playing or singing disturbs you, you need to buy a house that doesn't have any neighbours. Some isolated island maybe? Although seagulls might be an issue there.

fashionablefennel · 09/06/2021 11:10

G5000

f I told them they can't make any sound whatsoever like in Quiet Place.
yes, because that's the same as keeping the noise down Hmm

If you decide to live in an area with neighbours, it's on you to keep the noise to a level that doesn't disturb the neighbours ! I am glad you are not my neighbours, I live in an area full of families but everybody has manners and none of the children is a disturbance. It was bliss during the lockdown.

We all managed to have happy kids and not be a nuisance for others.
I do feel sorry for your neighbours though.

Original poster
YoureGoingToHateMe · 09/06/2021 11:14

fashionablefennel do you genuinely think a partially deaf child on the autistic spectrum is capable of understanding how to keep to a quiet level? He can’t hear ffs 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
campingfever · 09/06/2021 11:15

OP PLEASE don't restrict your children's use of the garden to pacify this unreasonable neighbour. Children have had a rubbish year, they are just children, and this is family noise, in normal daytime hours, no need to restrict it. Yes, she might be irritated by the noise, but that's entirely her problem to deal with: e.g. earphones, earplugs, becoming more tolerant and less disablist, moving house: whatever she wants to do.

fashionablefennel · 09/06/2021 11:16

@YoureGoingToHateMe

fashionablefennel do you genuinely think a partially deaf child on the autistic spectrum is capable of understanding how to keep to a quiet level? He can’t hear ffs 🤦‍♀️
First my point was to a poster stating that CHILDREN must be noisy.

Yes, partially death children can be taught Confused, it's bloody insulting to insinuate that there's anything wrong with their brain because they don't hear!

Sadly, it's a common thing but it's disgusting. And I speak from personal experience.

Original poster
YoureGoingToHateMe · 09/06/2021 11:16

It’s very obvious my house is the only house that actually has people living in it - there’s no key box on the door or sign in the window with the booking agency and tripadvisor link like every other house in the neighbourhood as they’re holiday lets and there are toys in the garden which is clearly visible when you stand outside neighbours house.

OP posts:
IrishCharm · 09/06/2021 11:17

@Stripyhoglets1

Kids playing in their own garden, even noisily, is not something the council will take action over. Especially when the noisiest child is noisy due to disabilities.
This! Ignore her OP. If she comes round again tell her to go away xx
pioneergirl · 09/06/2021 11:17

Apart from the fact your neighbour is utterly ridiculous and devoid of humanity........... as far as I'm aware of noise complaints to councils - the witch/complainer has to be continuously affected by the noise. So the fact that she only spends 3-4 days a week there makes her complaint null. I had some friends who were sheep farmers. A weekender bought a house in the village and actually had the cheek to complain about the bleating sheep! In the end it got thrown out bc they were only affected on weekend visits.

Original poster
YoureGoingToHateMe · 09/06/2021 11:17

fashionablefennel he is a partially deaf child on the autistic spectrum. I assume you, at present, he cannot be taught. Surprisingly I don’t particularly enjoy listening to constant rounds of Pirates of the Caribbean or Jurassic Park either.

OP posts:
Original poster
YoureGoingToHateMe · 09/06/2021 11:18

*assure not assume

OP posts:
Livpool · 09/06/2021 11:21

I'd tell her to piss off. Children playing in their own garden, even if a bit noisy is allowed. It is what children do. And her response after you mentioned you DS' additional needs would not encourage me to try and get him to quieten down

Tell her you are offended that she is a second home owner and has taken a house from a local ha!

Horst · 09/06/2021 11:23

I mean you’ve said he doesn’t sing if your in the garden. Isn’t that the answer? Supervision when in the garden. He doesn’t sing, your neighbour doesn’t complain and your not on tenter hooks.

And sorry but deaf people don’t all shout so saying he can’t use a lower voice because his partially deaf is a bit of a cop there op, you mean maybe his possible asd is the cause of that or you’ve stopped trying as per your comment of not worrying about trying to get him to not be so loud while all the holiday let’s where empty.

Thecatsawinner · 09/06/2021 11:25

Are hearing aids an option? Transformed the life of a young child I know.

canigooutyet · 09/06/2021 11:28

Don't go round.

Let her carry on with her silly diary as long as she's not video recording. If she starts doing this tell her to stop and tell her to look into the legalities of this. If she persists in videoing talk to your local community police.

If she mentions the noise again, smile, say ok and walk away. You have already done everything you can.

Although if she mentions summer again I would be tempted to say something about her predicting the future considering summer hasn't started yet Grin

campingfever · 09/06/2021 11:28

@Horst

I mean you’ve said he doesn’t sing if your in the garden. Isn’t that the answer? Supervision when in the garden. He doesn’t sing, your neighbour doesn’t complain and your not on tenter hooks.

And sorry but deaf people don’t all shout so saying he can’t use a lower voice because his partially deaf is a bit of a cop there op, you mean maybe his possible asd is the cause of that or you’ve stopped trying as per your comment of not worrying about trying to get him to not be so loud while all the holiday let’s where empty.

@Horst This discriminates against disabled people. There is so much intolerance and discrimination against a disabled CHILD on this thread, it is so disappointing Sad OP, please ignore these attitudes if you can, and continue to live your life and let your children play in their own garden, including your disabled child.
canigooutyet · 09/06/2021 11:36

UYes hearing aids can be beneficial for some but not for everyone. I'm sure the op and the childs medical team would have looked into the various options.
Same with speech and language should hopefully have implemented some type of long and term language system wether that be Makaton/BSL or Grid based such as Proloquo or PODD.

Some of the people I worked with, including adults, when reminded about noise would look at the person and carry on at the same level or sometimes louder.