Neighbour complaining about noise

[YoureGoingToHateMe]

I have 2dc - 5yo and 8yo - and today a neighbour came over to ask me to take them inside as they were making too much noise. It was at about 6pm and they’d been playing outside for no more than 45 minutes. Dc2 is partially deaf and is currently being assessed for autism. He sings constantly, not screaming but it is loud and it’s repetitive. Generally it’s the theme from Pirates of the Caribbean while he’s in the garden, occasionally other similar tunes but always the same tune once he has started iyswim.

Neighbour claims it has been going on for hours (it hadn’t, it was definitely around 45 minutes, that she is unable to open the windows in her house as it means she can’t hear her tv/ radio: husband talking and that it had been going on all summer, she just couldn’t stand it anymore and unless I did something about it she would be reporting me to the council.

This neighbour is a second home owner, she only came down around a month ago and is generally here 3-4 days a week. Both our gardens are fairly large and have tress planted down the side. I’ve hopefully attached a diagram as it’s hard to explain that she’s not our direct neighbour but also is, if that makes any sense at all.

I don’t doubt she can hear him while she is in the garden but there is absolutely no way the noise is drowning out her tv etc as she’s claiming. It’s also only been going on for the last couple of weeks as the weather has been so awful lately that we’ve barely been in the garden anyway. The most we’re ever in the garden is a couple of hours a day and most of that time I’ll be out there with them anyway and when I’m there I always make sure dc2 is keeping noise down and distract him from his otherwise constant singing. For the last couple of weeks they’ve been going out for half an hour or so after tea while I’m inside clearing up. It’s never later than 7pm and never before about 10 in the morning.

I explained to her that dc2 was partially deaf and being assessed for autism. She said that’s not her problem (fair enough but I was just trying to explain why he does it) and that next time she heard it she would be recording it and making a noise diary as she had seen suggested on the council website.

AIBU to let dc play in the garden despite knowing how much noise dc2 makes while I’m inside?

TL:DR neighbour expects me to keep my admittedly noisy child quiet while in the garden even though it’s only ever for short periods of time during the day

Think I would get in there first with the council, phone and ask for advice. She sounds very difficult.

A five year old! Singing! How loud can a five year old sing? If that is all she has to concern herself about then I think she is the one that has the problem and not your little one. Your garden, your home.

Loud repetitive singing for 45 minutes would annoy me, especially if it happens often.

Neighbour has the right to enjoy her garden too (and not have to keep her windows shut because of the noise from your garden).

Why not bring child in if he wants to sing loudly? Or teach him an acceptable volume?

I keep my DC reasonably quiet in the garden, and supervise them (I sit out there with them). If you’re indoors how do you know how noisy they were being?

The noise must be quite annoying*

*your neighbour sounds horrible so fuck her

A five year old! Singing! How loud can a five year old sing?

Very very loud trust me 😂
Mine used to do air guitar renditions from the Trolls movie and was swiftly brought inside.

but she can use her garden any of the other 23 hours a day if she really can’t stand being outside at the same time my children are

OP I'm on your side here but this makes me gnash my teeth. How does she know wheen they'll be there? If she's out there first are you going to keep them in?* Will there be a rota?

Children make noise. That's a given. But you can't make her not be irritated by loud on a loop singing. Blimey my DCs are NT but when they used to do things like that I wanted to eat my own ears.

I think you can both enjoy the gardens and have a bit of empathy for each other here.

Also, as this is MN, you don't know what she's been going through

Also is part of what's bothering you the 2nd home thing?

*no, you shouldn't, but that's pretty much hat you're expecting her to do.

God she’d be in for a treat if she was my neighbour, my daughter is learning the bagpipes! Loud isn’t the word

I would also keep a diary, detailing the times your kids are outside. I would also say if she persists with this bullying you will speak to the police about harassment. She’s sounds appalling.

*she not she’s :/

She’s a joy sucker.

As others have said no council will punish you or take action for this
Especially if one of your children is being assessed for support with additional needs.

I would be alert though and keep logs of when they complain and the times etc, as this will be helpful.

My autistic DD does exactly the same thing. With the song from Frozen 2. Into the UNKNOOOOOOWWWWWWWNNNNNN.

Tell the neighbour that her noise diary will be extremely helpful for his upcoming assessment and could she send you a copy.

Play is very important for children’s’ development, what a meanie your neighbour is!

So so funny. I sympathise with anyone who is bothered by the noise they can't control because it is annoying. But your neighbour is being completely unreasonable to expect your children to stop. I mean, if they're screeching and screaming, perhaps and I think most of us would try to get the kids to be quieter in those situations, but even then, she's being unreasonable.

Let her go to the council. They'll be 100% unsympathetic. We have an issue on our road with someone running a mechanics shop from his driveway. The noise is horrendous for his immediate neighbours on all sides. They are, collectively, attempting to get the council to deal with it and are cautiously optimistic as it's clearly an illegal business in a residential area that's negatively impacting the neighbourhood (and he's in a council house) but even so, it's taking MONTHS and last I heard, the council haven't even had a single conversation with the guy himself yet. Let her waste her time hounding the council. Sit back and enjoy the show.

Get him a karaoke

Ignore her I think is your best bet!!...she sounds thoroughly entitled. I’m sorry that she’s been so unpleasant. She will make no headway with the council (obvs)....let her make a tit of herself and grey rock. If she complains again point out they are children using their own garden where they live permanently during daytime hours. Gosh, second home owning nimbys are the scourge!!...pls note non nimby, pleasant ones are mostly fine😆

@Guiltypleasures001

Get him a karaoke

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I'm sorry but she needs to get over it. We have to put up with all sorts of noise as we live in a new estate, surrounded by houses. They are kids playing? It's not as if you are playing loud music or being anti-social.

I am super sensitive to noise. Even the smallest chatter can distract me from my work and actually pains one side of my face. However, I would never expect my neighbours kids to be forced to play indoors. Does the noise bother me? Yes But never would I ever dream of saying anything, and I know that the issue is mine and I'm the one being unreasonable. My other nieghbours who play loud dance music every day of the weekn are a different story!
The council aren't going to do anything about it, they barely do anything for very loud music/aaggresive neighbours so why they would do anything about a small child playing in the garden.
YANBU she is, I honestly wouldn't worry about it.

I think you should be considerate to neighbours but I will never understand why someone who can’t stand the sound of children playing would buy a house next door to a family. I would just ignore and crack on, you are both entitled to use your gardens in the way you see fit, and allowing your dc to play is not unreasonable.

I agree with PPs saying that she’s being completely unreasonable, as your DC are entitled to make some noise when they’re playing in the garden! And it sounds as if you’re doing all you can to mitigate it by limiting the amount of time that they’re doing it.

I’m sure I’ve got a bit complacent about the noise over lockdown

not ideal frankly, little ones can't understand why they are no longer allowed as much noise as they were just a few weeks back can they?

At least make sure the kids don't start making noise in the garden until 10am (which is the standard where I live anyway)

5 year old is not too young to be taught to keep singing to a quiet level, even if it's harder for your little one.

@LuaDipa

I think you should be considerate to neighbours but I will never understand why someone who can’t stand the sound of children playing would buy a house next door to a family. I would just ignore and crack on, you are both entitled to use your gardens in the way you see fit, and allowing your dc to play is not unreasonable.

out of curiosity, HOW can you buy a house with guarantee that there's no family in it?

Adult-only gated communities are not that common in the UK!

Adults with drinking parties and a hot tub would be just as bad anyway.

Kids needs space to let off steam. They need to play, and make noise! I think OP's being very reasonable. I live in a first floor flat and have no garden, so DD goes to a local park after school to let of steam! Just because children are noisy, doesn't mean they are naughty! I loathe parents who say, play quietly! I say wear them out so they are more compliant at bedtime!

I get this woman bought this house as a holiday home but she has to understand the Town isn't just a resort it's a year-round living place with different ages, families, older people...you cannot force your ideal on others. You can not dictate. I wish she had shown more understanding. If she doesn't like it, well, tough.

My husband is sensitive to noise but the kids on my estate are usually in by 8pm so it's that compromise he has to take. So it's noisy during the day...so what?

I would love to know how she will know how she gets through to the department - our council offices have the "people first" contact - basically we will send your message through to the department which they may or may not receive or bother answering - this kind of (stupid) complaint won't go anywhere because it would be considered unreasonable & I wouldn't worry about recording it if you sell the property - its not a boundary issue or YOU having drug sellers or nuisance neighbours just daft ones.

Kids needs space to let off steam. They need to play, and make noise!

NT children do not need to make noise loud enough to disturb the neighbours!

It's harder for the OP's child, certainly, but it's lazy parenting to pretend that children in general have to be very noisy.