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AIBU?

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Original poster

Neighbour complaining about noise

281 replies

YoureGoingToHateMe · 08/06/2021 23:06

I have 2dc - 5yo and 8yo - and today a neighbour came over to ask me to take them inside as they were making too much noise. It was at about 6pm and they’d been playing outside for no more than 45 minutes. Dc2 is partially deaf and is currently being assessed for autism. He sings constantly, not screaming but it is loud and it’s repetitive. Generally it’s the theme from Pirates of the Caribbean while he’s in the garden, occasionally other similar tunes but always the same tune once he has started iyswim.

Neighbour claims it has been going on for hours (it hadn’t, it was definitely around 45 minutes, that she is unable to open the windows in her house as it means she can’t hear her tv/ radio: husband talking and that it had been going on all summer, she just couldn’t stand it anymore and unless I did something about it she would be reporting me to the council.

This neighbour is a second home owner, she only came down around a month ago and is generally here 3-4 days a week. Both our gardens are fairly large and have tress planted down the side. I’ve hopefully attached a diagram as it’s hard to explain that she’s not our direct neighbour but also is, if that makes any sense at all.

I don’t doubt she can hear him while she is in the garden but there is absolutely no way the noise is drowning out her tv etc as she’s claiming. It’s also only been going on for the last couple of weeks as the weather has been so awful lately that we’ve barely been in the garden anyway. The most we’re ever in the garden is a couple of hours a day and most of that time I’ll be out there with them anyway and when I’m there I always make sure dc2 is keeping noise down and distract him from his otherwise constant singing. For the last couple of weeks they’ve been going out for half an hour or so after tea while I’m inside clearing up. It’s never later than 7pm and never before about 10 in the morning.

I explained to her that dc2 was partially deaf and being assessed for autism. She said that’s not her problem (fair enough but I was just trying to explain why he does it) and that next time she heard it she would be recording it and making a noise diary as she had seen suggested on the council website.

AIBU to let dc play in the garden despite knowing how much noise dc2 makes while I’m inside?

TL:DR neighbour expects me to keep my admittedly noisy child quiet while in the garden even though it’s only ever for short periods of time during the day

Neighbour complaining about noise
OP posts:
fashionablefennel · 09/06/2021 12:34

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

I think the fact that it is her second home is irrelevant and just designed to garner a US v THEM feeling on here.

I disagree. She seems to expect to have things on her terms for the time she's there - presumably more during the summer months which everybody wants to make the most of, not just her, and then the people who are still there the rest of the year can have whatever she's happy to leave them with. It's a bit like telling somebody that you must share an umbrella and you will get it on the days when it rains, but they can have it all the rest of the time.

that makes absolutely no sense.

Why would anyone complaint about noise when they are not physically there? Confused

You could complain about someone trespassing or damaging your property, but noise? Ridiculous, who would?

OssieShowman · 09/06/2021 12:34

Keep notes of your own, your own ‘noise diary’
Wishing you luck. Neighbour is being unreasonable

Whyhello · 09/06/2021 12:36

Tell her to report away, the council would have zero interest in this. She sounds like a joyless vampire.

TableFlowerss · 09/06/2021 12:37

As to say that the Council can't do a thing, that is wrong too. We were informed that if the noise was above a certain level of decibels and for more than 1 hour, they could very much consider it excessive noise

@vivainsomnia

Absolute bollocks. If the council were to go to her house with the windows closed a child’s singing wouldn’t be about the threshold!

G5000 · 09/06/2021 12:37

If you decide to live in an area with neighbours, it's on you to keep the noise to a level that doesn't disturb the neighbours !

when I'm sitting in the garden in the evening and can hear my neighbours talking, that in principle also disturbs me. I would prefer absoutely silence and birdsong only. So it would be reasonable to go around and ask them to whisper?

TableFlowerss · 09/06/2021 12:37

above

BlackeyedSusan · 09/06/2021 12:39

I can lend you my autistic dc for a few days while she is there.

She will be thrilled and so relieved when dc goes home and yours will sound positivly angelic afterwards.

we are just coming to the end of door slamming swearing meltdowns. and while I do everything possible to keep 'em quiet but there is sometimes nothing more I can do and meltdowns happen.

canigooutyet · 09/06/2021 12:41

As to say that the Council can't do a thing, that is wrong too. We were informed that if the noise was above a certain level of decibels and for more than 1 hour, they could very much consider it excessive noise.

Noise doesn't have to persist for more than one hour for it to be excessive. There's also context.

My idiot ex neighbour used to blare out the bagpipes anytime after midnight. He would play for around 5/10 minutes each night.

Children make noise most of us have moved along from the days of children should be seen and not heard. If you don't want to hear them then don't buy a place next to a family home.

That was the bagpipe player issue. Bought a property surrounded by families and was surprised that they come with noise. Wanted complete silence after 6pm on a weekday, and the only acceptable noise on a weekend until lunch time was nature 😂😂REally wish I was online then, the notes he sent us all were funny as with his little demands

BlackeyedSusan · 09/06/2021 12:42

I am betting the hearing aids hurt him, either the noise they make louder or the feel of them in his ears, hence him taking them out. Autism can be difficult like that.

jessycake · 09/06/2021 12:44

It's your neighbours tough luck , the other year we had a kid with an ear piercing scream all day long and we just sucked it up , it doesn't seem to be happening this year so she has either moved or grown up a bit .

Peachy66 · 09/06/2021 12:46

Next time she confronts you just say 'when you start paying my mortgage & bills then you can comment on my children and the noise until then stop being SO RUDE & entitled. My children have every right to be outside in our garden whilst getting some fresh air & exercise'.
Don't let her dictate to you or she will walk all over you.

canigooutyet · 09/06/2021 12:47

Notice how people suggest you get him some hearing aides when the most simplest thing would be for the neighbour to invest in some ear plugs. Should even be able to get a pair or two today, even noise cancelling headphones.

Clymene · 09/06/2021 12:59

@canigooutyet

As to say that the Council can't do a thing, that is wrong too. We were informed that if the noise was above a certain level of decibels and for more than 1 hour, they could very much consider it excessive noise.

Noise doesn't have to persist for more than one hour for it to be excessive. There's also context.

My idiot ex neighbour used to blare out the bagpipes anytime after midnight. He would play for around 5/10 minutes each night.

Children make noise most of us have moved along from the days of children should be seen and not heard. If you don't want to hear them then don't buy a place next to a family home.

That was the bagpipe player issue. Bought a property surrounded by families and was surprised that they come with noise. Wanted complete silence after 6pm on a weekday, and the only acceptable noise on a weekend until lunch time was nature 😂😂REally wish I was online then, the notes he sent us all were funny as with his little demands

Yes, well the poster who said that also said that she works with autistic children and also deliberately woke up a noisy neighbouring child in the morning as revenge.

I suspect they have a slighty tenuous relationship with the truth

AutistGoth · 09/06/2021 13:11

Your neighbour's comment in particular about "not my problem" is what I really don't like. Angry

I'm sorry, OP. All I can say is that the council certainly won't penalise you and your DS if they know about his neurological differences. And, as an autistic adult married to another autistic adult, being cooped up in a four room apartment over the lengthy lockdowns, I've been there. Though I'd be the first to agree that we weren't in such a terrible situation. We could at least take medications to keep meltdowns to a minimum (though whether or not it was ethical for us to be expected to do this is a question that no angry neighbour is going to ask themselves). To be fair, the neighbour was a bit more understanding when we informed them about our autism and that meltdowns/stimming was something that we can try to keep to a minimum, but we can't eradicate completely.

I really feel for you. I'm glad your DS has a garden to stim and sing in. It will do him the world of good. You probably already have, but if you haven't it might be worth getting in touch with the Autism support organisation in your area and explaining the situation. They should, at the very least, be able to give you some advice.

Flowers for you and Bear for your DS. x

Itwontstopraining · 09/06/2021 13:19

Op if she thinks holiday lets are nice quiet neighbours, let's just wait till the summer holidays. I'm sure your little one will be a darling in comparison to that noise for a fullu booked lockdown summer!

Child noise is child noise, as long as it's not malicious it's life. Now I'm working from home, twice a day I have to 'cope' with forty or so teenagers screaming and shouting and swearing at each other, the other side of my hedge. I'm sure they're plenty louder than your boy. I don't think the council would be interested in a noise diary about the antics of the adjacent school playing field....

I can appreciate the neighbour may be disappointed if she was hoping her holiday home would be very peaceful, but that's her expectations. If noise was a priority for the holiday home she should have bought somewhere remote. You don't have to stop your child playing, in normal hours, to fit in with her ideal. You've already tried to be considerate and communicate and that's all you can do.

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 09/06/2021 13:54

I can't quite believe people are trying to say you're unreasonable OP.
If your part time neighbour wanted quiet she should have bought somewhere secluded.

Let her carry on making a noise diary etc - only object if you see her attempting to film your children.
Continue going outside with your children and making reasonable attempts to keep their noise under control but don't explain any more to her or try and reduce time in your garden. If she approaches again just say you're not going to discuss it further and leave it at that.

Crayfishforyou · 09/06/2021 14:33

Dress up as Captain Jack Sparrow next time she complains and tell her to walk the plank.

RandomMess · 09/06/2021 14:33

Your neighbour has bought a 2nd home expecting some idyllic experience!!!

Not your problem.

LakieLady · 09/06/2021 14:37

@mumwon

I would love to know how she will know how she gets through to the department - our council offices have the "people first" contact - basically we will send your message through to the department which they may or may not receive or bother answering - this kind of (stupid) complaint won't go anywhere because it would be considered unreasonable & I wouldn't worry about recording it if you sell the property - its not a boundary issue or YOU having drug sellers or nuisance neighbours just daft ones.
I think we may share the same council, @mumwon. That's exactly what happens when anyone rings our council.

I've been trying to contact the council about noise nuisance from a neighbour who has about 6 dogs, which wake me every morning at 5.45 with loads of barking and whining, which goes on for 2-3 hours. Got absolutely nowhere.

Did an online report, they sent nuisance diary sheets embedded in an email, which I copied into a Word doc. When I tried to submit the completed forms online, it wouldn't accept them, even when I saved them as a pdf. Tried to ring (twice) to get an email address, no-one could give me one.

I emailed my local councillor with them in the end. She rang me back two days later, to say that the dog warden and a noise enforcement bod are going round to see the owner tomorrow.

It seems like they don't actually want anyone to be able to speak to the paid employees.

AnotherKrampus · 09/06/2021 14:38

Personally, I feel you should give your children some percussion instruments while out there...

Original poster
YoureGoingToHateMe · 09/06/2021 14:41

I would quite like her to report us to the council tbh. It’ll be my mum that she’s reporting us to Grin

OP posts:
2bazookas · 09/06/2021 14:49

@pictureframenotperfect

Surely you can teach your child to be quieter and respectful?
Can you teach a 5 yr old child how not to be deaf? How not to have autism?

Or maybe OP could hire you to teach the neighbour to be more empathetic and understanding just like you.

SadieCow · 09/06/2021 14:58

@Rfjkf you're in the minority for a reason..

LST · 09/06/2021 16:43

@Rfjkf

I'm in the minority and think that you have no right to visit your noise on your neighbour. Why should someone else have to put up with noise from your household?
So no noise ever? I can hear my neighbours talking in the garden. The kids are laughing on the trampoline. Shall I go tell them to shut up?
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 09/06/2021 17:06

Am I the only one with Pirates of the Caribbean as an ear worm on a loop 🤦‍♀️🤣🤣🤣