@KeepingTrack
What sort of life has the woman have then
Polka?
Look at the OP and her partner. Their different shifts means meeting is difficult. They might not have money for a hotel as it has been proposed many times of this thread.
It is not always possible for single parent to separate their ‘private life’ and family. For women who have their dcs with them dull time, aka no EOW etc..it basically means no life.
And I think that’s crap.
I would also argue that studies NEVER reflect what is happening in individual cases.
So one parent never see their partner with the dcs, never introduce them but said partner is still crap and abusive. The parent is getting anxious, stressed etc... that will have an I pact in the dcs.
One parent sees their partner and then said partner moves in. They move from poverty and financial ability to a more settled situation. The Relationship between the partner and the dc is good, good communication. I’m pretty sure the impact is going to be positive.
Etc etc
It’s like people saying that children are ALWAYS better off to see their parents divorced, forgetting the impact that warring parents have or what happens when one of the parent is abusive and is using the dcs as a weapon against the other parent.
Studies are good, but even in medicine, it’s not because studies have shown that medication A is great for tension headache or s contraception, that said medication Awill be suitable for everyone.
Of course there are rare cases that are statistical anomalies, like with everything. But that is why studies follow scientific method so that they prove a
statistically significant difference^^ in outcomes that is attributable to the specific factors being investigated.
Ignoring such research because it may not apply in your specific case or you know someone who was lucky and it worked out fine for is comparable to somebody saying "well studies show that smoking is dangerous but my grandma smoked and lived to 105 so it's fine". Anecdotes don't trump data.
Of course people ideally would consider the evidence and make an informed choice based on their own situation and risk assessment. But I don't think simply ignoring the evidence, or denying it exists because it is unpalatable or inconvenient, is a good approach. I'd always rather make evidence-based decisions personally, particularly when it comes to my children, but that's me.
There are always ways to organise things if the will is there from both parties. Babysitters, evenings out etc etc. The idea you can't have a relationship without bringing a man into your children's home really isn't true. These children are teenagers so will likely have left home by the time the relationship matures sufficiently for moving in together to become a sensible option, if it does stand the test of time and indeed if the OP and her partner even want to do that!
I think that though it may be inconvenient, as a resident parent it's reasonable to accept that a new relationship will need to go at a slower pace than if one were single. And I say this as a single parent of young children who will need to make such compromises for their wellbeing for far longer than the OP will need to do so.