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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So angry that I’m the other woman

179 replies

Unintentionallytheotherwoman · 07/06/2021 17:10

I’ve been seeing a man for approx 3 years. Started off pretty casual, FWB, but then we started to develop feelings for each other. Or so I thought…
He’s always liked his own space and this kind of suited me but now I’ve recently found out he's a married man. When confronted he said they had split but still living together. I believed that for awhile but I’ve been digging around and it seems they are not split up at all and I am not his first affair.

AIBU to want to out him to his wife? Could I put his name on here to warn other woman?! 🤣. I presume that isn’t allowed!!!!!

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/06/2021 17:13

Do not put his name on here.

But do tell him to fuck the fuckity fuck off.

The rest is up to you.

So sorry. x

PiccalilliChilli · 07/06/2021 17:19

Bin him, sharpish.

PomegranateQueen · 07/06/2021 17:22

LTB and move on with your life. Don't get yourself into the messy business of telling his wife. So sorry that happened to you though, what a dick that man is.

Sleeplessem · 07/06/2021 17:24

Oh OP, that sucks! What a horrid man!

Definitely no matter what he says around ‘we’re separated’, ‘I’m leaving her’ ‘we’re unhappy, I’m looking for a way out’ or anything else is total BS and don’t listen for a second. Kick his butt to the curb!

Writing this I’m in two minds if the right thing to do would be to tell his wife in a gentle and apologetic way.

On one side, it’s extra drama in your life when you could just make a clean break. You’ll never know how she’ll react, you could get blamed, she could know and be turning a blind eye and technically it could end a marriage.

However on the other hand, I’d probably want to know if it was me even if it sucked hearing it.

Wouldn’t put his name on here though xx

OhSayWhat · 07/06/2021 17:28

@PomegranateQueen

LTB and move on with your life. Don't get yourself into the messy business of telling his wife. So sorry that happened to you though, what a dick that man is.
So much this.
Hawkins001 · 07/06/2021 17:34

@Unintentionallytheotherwoman

I’ve been seeing a man for approx 3 years. Started off pretty casual, FWB, but then we started to develop feelings for each other. Or so I thought… He’s always liked his own space and this kind of suited me but now I’ve recently found out he's a married man. When confronted he said they had split but still living together. I believed that for awhile but I’ve been digging around and it seems they are not split up at all and I am not his first affair.

AIBU to want to out him to his wife? Could I put his name on here to warn other woman?! 🤣. I presume that isn’t allowed!!!!!

You would need a good folder of evidence, to prove your case, otherwise it could end up you say, he say etc
EmeraldShamrock · 07/06/2021 17:41

I'd have been suspicious & dumped him when he said they were cohabiting unless he introduced you to her.
When did you find out they lived together?

LivingInThe80s · 07/06/2021 17:41

You definitely should tell his wife, ignore those who say you shouldn't. I think we all would want to know if we were the wife. Women owe it to each other to tell them the truth. What if she gets sick from a real bad STI (not from you)? As a woman, you owe it to her, but try to back it up with texts, proof, etc.

EmeraldShamrock · 07/06/2021 17:43

I would definitely want to know if it was my OH playing around.

DaphneduWarrior · 07/06/2021 17:44

Same thing happened to me, although we were only seeing each other for a few months. He took me to Paris for a romantic trip. When I got home, I tried to add him on Facebook - then I found out that not only was he not separated from his wife, but she was 9 months pregnant…

Lesson learned: stalk them on social media before you get involved Sad

(If his initials are ML and he has red hair, he has form!!)

TSSDNCOP · 07/06/2021 17:50

Walk away, hard and fast. Don't get stuck down in the muck, it won't make you feel better.

BarbarianMum · 07/06/2021 17:52

Bin him and out him. He's a bastard and she deserves to know.

TickTockBitches · 07/06/2021 17:54

Definitely tell the wife. She should know.

Starsky88 · 07/06/2021 17:56

Yes tell the wife, in the nicest possible way. Show evidence and then move on. She deserves to know, especially if it’s not his first affair.

Icanhearyoubutiwont · 07/06/2021 18:00

Tell his wife. Send her a very delicate message and provide some screen shots. Be upfront that you didn’t know, that you do now and you’ve ended it. If the shoe was on the other foot you’d want to know.

Icanhearyoubutiwont · 07/06/2021 18:01

And out interest, how did you find out he was a married man?

Greenqueen40 · 07/06/2021 18:04

Please tell the wife, I find it beyond comprehension why people would say otherwise. I would be absolutely mortified if my OH was cheating and would want to know ASAP so I could kick him out, being a cuckold is awful.

2bazookas · 07/06/2021 18:05

So you've been FWB for three years during which you've never been to his place, and didn't suspect that was because he's married?

You've been very gullible; but that doesn't justify you deliberately hurting his wife to take revenge on him.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/06/2021 18:06

How did you not know for so long- never wanted to meet any friends or family?

KittytheHare · 07/06/2021 18:08

@2bazookas

So you've been FWB for three years during which you've never been to his place, and didn't suspect that was because he's married?

You've been very gullible; but that doesn't justify you deliberately hurting his wife to take revenge on him.

Maybe his wife deserves to know what a creep she married?
Inthesameboatatmo · 07/06/2021 18:08

I'm another saying tell the wife ,I would want to know.

Original poster
Unintentionallytheotherwoman · 07/06/2021 18:09

I’d recently started to push for a bit more commitment etc from him and he seemed to back off completely. Alarm bells started to ring so I did a bit of stalking. He (or his wife have very little social media presence) so I literally followed him around 😬. We live in different towns so now it all makes sense and I feel very disappointed at myself and naive.

If anyone has any suspicions about there husband just DM me. He lives in Burton upon Trent and has two children. I know a lot of info that would confirm it’s definitely him 😬

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 07/06/2021 18:12

I would definitely tell his wife. I would want to know if it was me.

HollowTalk · 07/06/2021 18:13

Why didn't you go up to him and say hello?

colouringcrayons · 07/06/2021 18:14

Sorry this happened, maybe you were a bit naive but also if you are an honest person you just tend to judge people by the same standards.

I'm not sure you should tell his wife, but definitely get him out of your life. take care Flowers