The expectation of daily sex.

[Chillionice]

Being 44 yr old mother of 3 (13/11/10) with husband for nearly 15 yrs I would love some advice or reassurance about how to manage the sexual expectation.

My husband & I have may incompatibilities and underwent counselling 5 yrs ago. He has begrudgingly accepted that our sex life is not going to be as colourful or plentiful as he would like. A daily morning session seems to have been settled upon yet I still struggle with this. Eroticism was never a part of our marriage, kissing ended years ago & we are left with this daily session that seems to placate my husband but still fills me with dread and sadness.
I write this at 7.21 on a Monday morning having started the day, the week etc exactly the same way once again. This interaction between us to me confirms the loneliness of our relationship - both sides wanting something so different and kind of compromising on this middle ground. I frequently try to put off a dawn toilet visit incase my husband stirs and feel a lot of resentment that I can seldom start the day relaxed, dozing, contemplating bird song etc. Nor am I excused if I’ve been up with the kids in the night or have a challenging day ahead. It feels relentless, unwaning, an appetite I can never sate.

One of our incompatibilities that counselling could only do so much to resolve was poor communication. My husband is emotionally very distant and easily offended meaning I really have to just accept this situation and be grateful try to think it’s only 5 minutes of the day.
So anyone in the same boat with any advice of how to keep a positive mind for 5 mins daily to hold a marriage together, please let me know how you do it!!! Thanks.

sorry just seen the update, hope things are better now

Omg I'm so sorry you have gone through this. I can't even imagine.

For comparison, here's my sex life. Over the past 5 years I have had pelvic floor health issues. It makes sex painful for me. I want it so badly but can't go through with it without pain, which means that I have been avoiding it more and more. My DH, bless his heart, doesn't want to partake in any sex where I am harmed. So we don't have any, and have mostly stuck to other forms of sexual activity (as tame as it gets - hand stuff on each other, we don't like to do things solo in our marriage). Even if he really wants something to happen, if I'm not into it then we don't do anything.

More recently I've started pelvic therapy so that we can go back to having a normal sex life. He now helps with my at home exercises happily.

And a given in our sex life is that we discuss consent as we go. I convey how I'm feeling in regards to pain so that we can stop when I'm feeling it, we discuss how tired we are, and if either of us is not up for it we stop immediately. Usually we do figure out a compromise that we both are happy with, even if it is just agreeing to put it off for a period of time.

I am happy to report that neither of us have died due to lack of sex. And we have had dry spells of 6 months or more. Because life gets in the way, and we have both had other things to contend with health-wise.

Wow. I hope you feel pride in yourself. I am incredibly proud of you. Well done. What an arse.💐

Maybe RTFT or at least OPs updates

Did you bother to read the thread and updates from the OP or just post out of your ass because you feel like it?

I read your posts on this thread with an expression of disgust and anger on my face, @Chillionice . When I got to your update, that changed to a beatific smile! Massive Congratulations on getting away from that horrible, abusive man - you rock!

Hi all,
Might we ask, even insist, that everyone reads the OP's posts. This thread was begun a while ago and we are glad to note that her story has moved on considerably. Well done, Chillonice. x

Crikey @Sixeight I've just read the thread you linked, that sounds awful. You sound very strong to have come this far, I hope you get everything sorted out soon

OP well done to you for getting out of that dreadful situation and building yourself a new life.

Well done @Chillionice ! Honestly just read all of this and I’m so bloody glad you’ve left him!!!!

Congratulations etc along with all the others. A special commendation for your 14 yr old son who came to your defence. He obviously appreciates you as his Mother.
I hope he is OK.

Such a wonderful update, thank you for sharing it with us OP, i remember you and i am so happy for you

I remember your thread from last year, I'm so glad you aren't with your 'D'H any more. His behaviour was so awful. Enjoy the next chapter of your life in peace.

I'm so pleased for you, OP, and thank you for the update. Very, very good luck to you and your children

Who says it would be a traumatic break up? My girls didn’t suffer when I split from their abusive dad. The only sad thing is they deserved a better dad. Please don’t put up with this, you could be happy, really happy!

You really should read the OP's updates before posting.

Wonderful news that you're getting yourself free of that horrible situation.
Stay strong!