The expectation of daily sex.

[Chillionice]

Being 44 yr old mother of 3 (13/11/10) with husband for nearly 15 yrs I would love some advice or reassurance about how to manage the sexual expectation.

My husband & I have may incompatibilities and underwent counselling 5 yrs ago. He has begrudgingly accepted that our sex life is not going to be as colourful or plentiful as he would like. A daily morning session seems to have been settled upon yet I still struggle with this. Eroticism was never a part of our marriage, kissing ended years ago & we are left with this daily session that seems to placate my husband but still fills me with dread and sadness.
I write this at 7.21 on a Monday morning having started the day, the week etc exactly the same way once again. This interaction between us to me confirms the loneliness of our relationship - both sides wanting something so different and kind of compromising on this middle ground. I frequently try to put off a dawn toilet visit incase my husband stirs and feel a lot of resentment that I can seldom start the day relaxed, dozing, contemplating bird song etc. Nor am I excused if I’ve been up with the kids in the night or have a challenging day ahead. It feels relentless, unwaning, an appetite I can never sate.

One of our incompatibilities that counselling could only do so much to resolve was poor communication. My husband is emotionally very distant and easily offended meaning I really have to just accept this situation and be grateful try to think it’s only 5 minutes of the day.
So anyone in the same boat with any advice of how to keep a positive mind for 5 mins daily to hold a marriage together, please let me know how you do it!!! Thanks.

Haha, I clearly didn't read the full thread! Congrats OP!

Quality sex is shared not given, it takes passion and desire. Of course it should not be a daily function.

And if it is taking 5 minutes, he’s useless at it anyway.

I have only read your opening post and it makes me so sad.

Basically he is raping you every morning. why would you want to stay in a marriage like this.

Please get out

@MrMrsJones read the full thread!

Well done OP!

I hope that every morning at 7.15 you roll from one side of your bed to the other to remind yourself that it's all yours (and that he's not there)

I didn’t read this last year as I’m new to NM.
I cried when I read your last post! You did it girl! I was in an abusive relationship years ago. I felt sick reading your initial post. I was willing you to get out.
What a different life you have now. I remember driving to work and mentally going through the pros and cons of staying or going everyday for years. When I finally made the leap omg the relief.
I have been able to block out the 12 years - I didn’t have kids so it was a total break. Occasionally something will trigger a memory and it’s not pleasant but I get through it. I just wish I hadn’t spent my carefree late teens and 20’s in this way.
You take care and when you are ready to meet someone else and have a new relationship you won’t be able to believe how easy and wonderful it is. X

I know a woman who has the same sort of issue. He insists on daily sex. She wont retire because at least at work she gets some reprieve.
Horrendous.

This is WAY above the norm.
On average couples have sex in their 40s 1.33 times per week. Some a bit more some a bit less. ( i googled it )
Its your body stop being pressured into doing something your not happy with.
Id tell him to go to the bathroom and help himself.
If you really want to stay together try a date night once a week.

Proud of you OP.

OMG, I am so pleased you managed to leave and things worked out for you, well done, that was such a brave thing to do.

absolutely fabulous news. separation is difficult but it’s a picnic compared to life with an arse! also speaking from experience. good luck and well done xxxx

OP I remember your initial post and I'm SO glad to read your update.

Yes, me too.
I am so pleased that I flipped the thread and saw your happy outcome.
Wishing every happiness in the future OP xxx

Fantastic update, bloody well done!

Wonderful news, I’m in tears of happiness for you and your kids.

You made a brave decision, and have shown your children that they should expect partners to be loving, caring and kind.

God I am so happy for you. Please please don’t jump into any relationships - have time for you and your children to heal and rediscover yourselves. Give yourself plenty of time to become strong enough to know you will NEVER put up with any crap again and WILL leave a relationship at the first red flag, no matter how much you feel you have already ‘invested’ in it. So happy for you all.

Can you show her this thread? It might inspire her and give her the strength to leave 🤞

Congratulations OP ,absolutely brilliant that you had the courage to leave and you are a fabulous role model for your children. 💐👏

Great update @Chillionice

I do remember your post from last year and it's wonderful to hear your update. It sounds like you are in a much better place. Keep on keeping on x

I'm a friend of a friend and was told this when I probably shouldn't have been. Now my friend isn't on good terms with her as they had a major falling out. I don't really cross paths with her much and we were just on nodding terms at best if i wasnt in my friends company.

It is and older women endure it daily. My advice get out while you can

This is absolutely horrifying to read ☹️

Brilliant update!

Here's to the rest of your life 💐💐🥳

Great update, so happy for you @Chillionice .

I'm so proud of you OP