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Original poster

The expectation of daily sex.

842 replies

Chillionice · 07/06/2021 07:30

Being 44 yr old mother of 3 (13/11/10) with husband for nearly 15 yrs I would love some advice or reassurance about how to manage the sexual expectation.

My husband & I have may incompatibilities and underwent counselling 5 yrs ago. He has begrudgingly accepted that our sex life is not going to be as colourful or plentiful as he would like. A daily morning session seems to have been settled upon yet I still struggle with this. Eroticism was never a part of our marriage, kissing ended years ago & we are left with this daily session that seems to placate my husband but still fills me with dread and sadness.
I write this at 7.21 on a Monday morning having started the day, the week etc exactly the same way once again. This interaction between us to me confirms the loneliness of our relationship - both sides wanting something so different and kind of compromising on this middle ground. I frequently try to put off a dawn toilet visit incase my husband stirs and feel a lot of resentment that I can seldom start the day relaxed, dozing, contemplating bird song etc. Nor am I excused if I’ve been up with the kids in the night or have a challenging day ahead. It feels relentless, unwaning, an appetite I can never sate.

One of our incompatibilities that counselling could only do so much to resolve was poor communication. My husband is emotionally very distant and easily offended meaning I really have to just accept this situation and be grateful try to think it’s only 5 minutes of the day.
So anyone in the same boat with any advice of how to keep a positive mind for 5 mins daily to hold a marriage together, please let me know how you do it!!! Thanks.

OP posts:
kissmelittleass · 02/08/2022 00:11

Sometimes I really hate men bless you op x

KatharineofAragon · 02/08/2022 01:30

I remember you OP. I was horrified reading about what you were going through. So delighted you got out of your marriage and found peace . Well done you! Your children will also thank you for it in the future. What a horrible man you were married to. Enjoy the rest of your life!

Forestgate · 02/08/2022 01:41

Congratulations OP!! Lovely to hear your updates. You are strong and brave ❤

calmlakes · 02/08/2022 02:30

Delighted to see this pop up in my your on list.
Well done OP.
Huge congratulations, setting your dc the best example.

MsTSwift · 02/08/2022 03:47

There is a lovely lady in our friendship group (we are late 40s/ early 50s) who is open about the fact that this is her daily reality too. She was taken aback that literally everyone else was horrified. Everyday. We are all very concerned about her tbh but are powerless.

KatharineofAragon · 02/08/2022 04:34

MsTSwift · 02/08/2022 03:47

There is a lovely lady in our friendship group (we are late 40s/ early 50s) who is open about the fact that this is her daily reality too. She was taken aback that literally everyone else was horrified. Everyday. We are all very concerned about her tbh but are powerless.

Oh my God.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/08/2022 05:58

I am horrified for what you endured and so happy for you for getting out. It is so sad to read other women going through the same thing. The only woman I am aware of, who has daily sex actually wants daily sex with her dh and is very open about it.

Mouldyfeet · 02/08/2022 07:11

So pleased for you. Your update posts have a much more positive and upbeat feel about them too x

Emotionalsupportviper · 02/08/2022 07:11

Well done - you took a tremendously brave step but you and your children will benefit from your decision in the long run.

Wishing you every good thing fo the future.

Twiglets1 · 02/08/2022 07:15

My MIL confided that her husband pressured her to have sex every day and she mainly agreed. Mainly I think because she is religious so felt it was her duty. Unfortunately that had a bit of a negative impact on my relationship with my husband as he would cite his father’s demands as proof that he was a lot more reasonable (we used to argue over his higher sex drive then mine, luckily his sex drive waned in his 50s). It’s awful that some men feel they have a right to sex. I would never have tolerated it daily and was so pleased to hear OPs update and wish her all the best.

BalloonsAndWhistles · 02/08/2022 07:19

Why do you even want to be with him? It doesn’t sound like much of a marriage. My husband would love more sex but he knows I have a lower sex drive than him so just puts up with it and is very enthusiastic when it happens 😆 I get the feeling it’s not just you who’d be happier alone, it would be him too.

Iliveonahill · 02/08/2022 07:21

Congratulations OP. I think there are a lot of women who live like this. But it’s not talked about and there is still an expectation that it’s the man’s needs and women / girls are there to please and indulge. Hopefully each generation will challenge this.

Pyewhacket · 02/08/2022 07:23

She divorced him. Her update is a month old !

FunnyTalks · 02/08/2022 07:56

When you hear about men slagging off mumsnet for whatever reason this is the kind of thread I always think of. It exemplifies what abusive men are so afraid of - that when women talk to each other they empower each other.

Massive congratulations on your bravery and your new life OP.

themepark · 02/08/2022 08:00

MsTSwift · 02/08/2022 03:47

There is a lovely lady in our friendship group (we are late 40s/ early 50s) who is open about the fact that this is her daily reality too. She was taken aback that literally everyone else was horrified. Everyday. We are all very concerned about her tbh but are powerless.

Get her on here and let us talk some sense into her. Poor woman.

FatBettyintheCoop · 02/08/2022 08:25

BalloonsAndWhistles · 02/08/2022 07:19

Why do you even want to be with him? It doesn’t sound like much of a marriage. My husband would love more sex but he knows I have a lower sex drive than him so just puts up with it and is very enthusiastic when it happens 😆 I get the feeling it’s not just you who’d be happier alone, it would be him too.

Jesus, what a vile misogynistic post.

Are you coming on here just to troll people who are suffering from living with rapists as husbands? No-one can be that ignorant, surely?

Luckily, the OP had the strength to leave him and is getting on with her new life brilliantly and thankfully, she doesn’t have people like you in her life cheering her husband on and putting her down.

@Chillionice You are a beacon of hope to women suffering in silence and I wish you all the best for a very happy future.

Adversity · 02/08/2022 08:40

I commented on your thread last year and am so pleased to read your update.

C8H10N4O2 · 02/08/2022 08:42

@Chillionice I remember you. I'm glad you have found your way out of an awful situation and hoping your story gives encouragement to women still living in awful, coercive situations.

Shouldbedoing · 02/08/2022 08:43

@Chillionice I have tears of relief for you. Congratulations on getting your life back. I remember that first post in lockdown. And sadly too many posts like it.

Bollindger · 02/08/2022 08:43

Goddess. So pleased.

safetyfreak · 02/08/2022 08:46

I really am pleased OP that you got out of that marriage. I hope other women in a similar situation from you read your posts and feel some courage.

Shallistayorshalligo · 02/08/2022 08:48

Wow, oh wow. I have no words. I came across this thread this morning. To start off I did not realise it is an old thread. I did not read all of it, but all the posts by OP. It was like reading a book. A jaw dropping. A worry. An anger. And such a delight to learn you have broke through!!! What am amazing ending, I am just so happy to learn you are free, OP💐

FunkedUp · 02/08/2022 08:59

So basically what it boils down to is that you're a receptacle for his bodily fluids

Fuck that

And I don't mean it literally

FunkedUp · 02/08/2022 09:00

Oops should have RTFT

Wish44 · 02/08/2022 09:05

I have a colleague who was in your situation. She had accepted it as part of the marriage but it made her unhappy. I don’t know how old your husband is but when her husband reaches 55 it all stopped. He lost his sex drive. She is delighted.

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