DH pulled my skirt up - AIBU to feel angry?

[Undecidedandtorn]

Just before getting indoors from a trip out today my husband pulled my dress up and flashed my pants. He said that he had checked and there wasn't anyone coming down the street who could see (which I of course didn't know) but when I turned around there were some people up the road - he said they were too far away to see but I'm not 100% sure this is true (I'm 99% sure its true).

Its been about 3 hours and I am still really angry about this even though he has apologised. AIBU?

People, it was her husband who according to OP is a nice guy. I don't know. I am against harassment and know that partners can rape too but I think what happened here is that he tried something with his wife that didn't work for her.There wasn't people watching as the OP confirmed.

'lift a man's kilt'
wtf??
of course I wouldnt, any more than I'd pull a mans trousers down

This is ridiculous - the guy misjudged how it would make his wife feel and I’m sure he is sorry now.

What is most shocking is grown adults unable to accept that someone has a different view to them without trading slurs.

@Louise1051

This is ridiculous - the guy misjudged how it would make his wife feel and I’m sure he is sorry now.

What is most shocking is grown adults unable to accept that someone has a different view to them without trading slurs.

Oh, if only all women could be as enlightened and easygoing as you with regard to consent, er, "Louise".

Who is trading slurs?

@QioiioiioQ

'lift a man's kilt' wtf?? of course I wouldnt, any more than I'd pull a mans trousers down

Yes, of course. It's a fairly peculiar argument, really. Women don't routinely go round baring men's arses to the world at large; pretty odd to argue as if it's a given.

@lazylinguist a woman putting her hand up a mans kilt is more common than you think. Saw it happening at an event once and even after the guy told the woman not to do it as it was classed as sexually inappropriate

I agree it's highly inapropriate. I'm not sure why you think posters would think it was appropriate tbh. I don't think seeing it once at an event makes it common though tbh. I'm 50 and I think I've been to one formal event in my life where there was a man in a kilt.

[quote Bangolads]@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross
Whilst I support the idea that rape culture is prevalent and toxic I’m not entirely convinced this is it. I also find you’re rush to shame other women for not falling in line with your thinking pretty toxic. Do you think that’s how we affect change? Do you buy into cancel culture?[/quote]
I certainly don’t think we effect (I think that’s what you meant) change by telling women that they are wrong to feel humiliated and angry when a man does something like this to them.

Can you point out precisely where you think I shamed women for not falling into line with my thinking?

And why would it be toxic to challenge anyone, man or woman, who thinks that something like this is funny?

No, I don’t buy into cancel culture. Do you?

@linsey2581

Just wondered how many ladies on here have ever lifted up a mans kilt? And if you have and you are on here criticising a man lifting his wife's skirt then you are all hypocrites.

Who the fuck does this?! Seriously - who the fuck would lift up a man’s kilt?

At a work party a drink bloke stuck his hand up a kilt and got more than he bargained for. He didn't take the no pants thing seriously.

Having said that, men in kilts on nights out do get groped.

However, that's behaviour that goes both ways on pissed nights out and while it's not ok it's

A. Both ways and
B. Women on nights out experience worse and
C. Not a partner you're supposed to know well randomly doing it out of the blue in the middle of the day on a residential street

This argument is silly really.

To the extreme, given this is legally an assault ( although not many would report it) same as if a stranger did it.

What other sorts of assault are seen as ok because sometimes women commit then against men?

It's troubling how sex offences esp with a man you know are seen as a nothing- including rape by partner I've seen many times on here.

The point which I know will be scoffed at. Is she had her skirt pulled up suddenly by a man in public. One is an obvious crime (stranger) the other is a sexy fun jape.

But she felt shocked upset etc.

So it's ok for men you know to do some illegal stuff to you but not other men, is how it works. But I don't think that's good really.

And of course all the women who don't mind and 99.9% of the ones who do won't report their partner.

As seen on here, even when it comes to rape/ hidden cameras etc women are very disinclined to tell the police.

Anyway.

Cue lots of posts saying omg he didn't rape her etc as the principle zooms over heads/ is handwaved away.

Also of course plenty of men are way too keen to let it all hang out.

Men lift their own kilts/ moon/ get their dicks out when they're pissed etc. In a different sort of way to the smaller number of women who flash and that's usually boobs/ bra. I think it's a different in how it's read/ vulnerability etc probs.

So if my husband touches my bum in public would that also be assault if he doesn't ask permission first?

Bingo!

Well if you wanted to report him you could. The police wouldn't do anything obv. I mean they don't do anything about serious sex offences let alone ones they see as minor.

Would you report it? No. So that's fine isn't it.

If a sexual partner has more leeway over your body than a stranger. Then where does that lead?

Some couples are ok with all sorts of things. The thing is, consent.

If I say I'm fine with DH wrestling me to the floor tying me up etc etc then that's ok isn't it.

If a stranger does it, it's obviously very bad.

If my partner does it out of the blue with no prior indication that I might like it then...?

There are threads on here quite often with women saying their OH did xyz and they didn't know how to react. Was it assault? Was it rape? Was it normal and they shouldn't think anything of it?

And there's always posters saying what's the problem my OH does that and I like it.

The law says xyz.

Someone pulling your skirt up in public is (probably?) a crime. Not sure tbh.

Those who like it can carry on happily as it won't be reported.

Those who don't will probably not report it even if it's serious because women don't tend to report stuff esp if a partner.

Women who have the DH doing something really awful around whatever it is- the law is there in theory if they need it. Not in practice usually obv for anything short of murder and sometimes not even then. But in theory.

So I would not like to see some forms of sexual assault made legal.
I would not like to see the law saying it's illegal for a stranger but not for a man you have had sex with or something. Marital rape was legal till the early 90s don't forget.

And in practice very very few sex offences are reported anyway. And if they are the police don't give a toss generally (sorry for the pun!).

In this case the question was. She was incredibly shocked and angry was she over reacting. Or similar.

Her reaction is her own. Other people saying hey I love it isn't really the point.

And the general principle that anything goes in relationships is iffy I think.

@linsey2581 I hadn't heard of women lifting a man's kilt and no I definitely wouldn't think it's ok.

even after the guy told the woman not to do it as it was classed as sexually inappropriate she laughed it off and did it again later. She wasn’t laughing when the guy called the police and was given a caution.

There you are then, lifting someone's garments without their consent is offiicially not ok according to the police.

So if my husband touches my bum in public would that also be assault if he doesn't ask permission first?

@Nearly47 I imagine yes, technically.

I kind of laughed about the incident really, as I always used to find those saucy postcards on Blackpool promenade very funny, as in lots of skirts and knickers on show, and bosoms falling out of dresses, and all other fun stuff to laugh about.

Which incident was that? Sorry I missed your earlier post and it's a long thread.

I couldn't agree more btw.

I grew up in the 70s and there was Benny hill, the pythons, carry on etc. Those were the days!

I've got to say I think it's all got so humourless. Feminism has gone too far!

When a man masturbated at me in an empty train carriage. It took me right back to Benny! Same as the two men who wanked at me in a park when I was about 14 and on my own. I was disappointed when they didn't chase me tbh. Still it was all in good fun!

And you know what now I'm older I really miss the days that men would grab my tits, pinch or slap my bum really hard, in the pubs. Things are just so dull now! It was really saucy and cheeky. Cheeky! Haha!

I feel really sad for my daughters that these considerate builder schemes mean that shouting get your tits out, come over here love etc has reduced so much. They will be missing out on their way home from school.

Hopefully with leaving the EU we can ditch all that stuff and get back to the 70s!

Remember Kenny Everett? That Cupid stunt character with massive boobs falling out and flashing up her skirt. God I miss all that.

Should we start a petition, RandomNameNumbers?

@NiceGerbil I thought the same thing you’re implying so didn’t want to get involved with all the random number posters, but it really does appear that most of them (with the exception of the person whose comment was removed on the first page) have been around for at least months, and in the case of one of the most vocal “it’s just cheeky bants” supporters, for a year or more. Just FYI. Plus I don’t really need to post because I agree with almost everything you’ve said. Fist bump. pwhoooa (that’s the hand-exploding thing you do together after the fist bump).

@MrsTerryPratchett

What an arse.

Yeah I imagine what the people who saw were saying :)

If this was out of character then he made a mistake and has apologised and you can choose to accept it. If he usually does things like this then I would be really angry as he knows how you feel and has done it again.
I'm not sure why any husband would want other people seeing under their wives skirt.

@NiceGerbil I think I love you