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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH pulled my skirt up - AIBU to feel angry?

270 replies

Undecidedandtorn · 06/06/2021 18:54

Just before getting indoors from a trip out today my husband pulled my dress up and flashed my pants. He said that he had checked and there wasn't anyone coming down the street who could see (which I of course didn't know) but when I turned around there were some people up the road - he said they were too far away to see but I'm not 100% sure this is true (I'm 99% sure its true).

Its been about 3 hours and I am still really angry about this even though he has apologised. AIBU?

OP posts:
user00002 · 06/06/2021 20:50

ah. of course @oioisaveloy108 is a bloke.

no self respecting woman would ever belittle themselves to the point of suggesting having their bum cheeks exposed and not enjoying it is grounds to cheat and apparently, deservedly so.

oioisaveloy108 · 06/06/2021 20:51

@user00002

ah. of course *@oioisaveloy108* is a bloke.

no self respecting woman would ever belittle themselves to the point of suggesting having their bum cheeks exposed and not enjoying it is grounds to cheat and apparently, deservedly so.

Wrong. Hilariously
me4real · 06/06/2021 20:51

I'd much rather my husband be lifting my skirt up for a bit of a thrill and excitement than anyone else's!

@MrsW- Hopefuly it's not an either/or and if a wife isn't happy with a husband doing stuff to her, it doesn't mean he'll cheat on her or perv on other people instead.

This is actually a crime BTW @Undecidedandtorn . It's probably sexual assault. It's no more legal for your husband to lift up your clothes without your consent than if anyone else did it.

NiceGerbil · 06/06/2021 20:52

I know for a fact that if I suddenly pulled DH shorts down while we were out and about he would think I had gone bananas, and would be really embarrassed.

Neither of us would find it sexy.

The things women are supposed to go along with under threat of men having affairs is very long isn't it!

Luckily it's also complete cobblers. As men aren't dogs and aren't all the same (not grown up past age 14).

andyoldlabour · 06/06/2021 20:55

I am a bloke, and I find this really bad behaviour, something which should be reserved for inside the four walls of your home. He shouldn't be doing this in public. Is he showing off? Sorry he did this, it isn't good at all.

user00002 · 06/06/2021 20:55

@oioisaveloy108 oh my bad - you're a woman who dislikes other women and has set the bar incredibly low on acceptable behaviour from men. and btw I'm not talking about what happened in the OP but giving any guy a pass for an affair is gross, no wonder some of them still walk around like they are a gift to us with attitudes like yours.

NiceGerbil · 06/06/2021 20:55

I'm just trying to imagine how my mum (78) would react if my dad did this.

I don't think she'd find it hilarious or sexy, somehow!

The thing that worries me is what the hell are these people telling their kids?

Mum I pulled up 14yo girlfriends skirt there wasn't anyone around she was angry/ upset etc.
Well she's out of order! You're better off without her.

Mum boyfriend pulled my skirt up in middle of road why did he do that is horrible
Because it's normal and fun and if you don't like it he'll find a girl who will

Yay!!!

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 06/06/2021 20:57

My 7 year old nephew wouldn't even do that. 5 year old might find it funny, I suppose.

GreyhoundG1rl · 06/06/2021 20:58

Wrong.
Hilariously
What's "hilarious" about that post? Is this another example of your special weird sense of humour?

Jeschara · 06/06/2021 20:58

Pathetic, childish,and disgusting. I cant imagine any body with an ounce of respect doing this.
I would show him this this thread and tell him he should be ashamed of himself.

Kissthepastrychef · 06/06/2021 20:58

If my DH found this sort of thing funny he'd be welcome to fuck off and have an affair. She could keep him.

Mind you I wouldn't have married someone who found that funny as I have some self respect

me4real · 06/06/2021 20:59

my husband came in and smacked me on the bum (not hard, but with his hand under my skirt). He will often do this.

@limetwister How do you feel when he does this? If you don't like it you're allowed to not be happy about it, you don't have to just laugh it off if it isn't your thing.

Kissthepastrychef · 06/06/2021 21:01

But to be honest, what with the loving porn on another thread and this one methinks as Eloy is just trying a little bit too hard to be a Cool Girl.

You'll grow out of it, Hun

Kissthepastrychef · 06/06/2021 21:01

Eloy ? Oh dear ! Saveloy !

oioisaveloy108 · 06/06/2021 21:03

@Kissthepastrychef

But to be honest, what with the loving porn on another thread and this one methinks as Eloy is just trying a little bit too hard to be a Cool Girl.

You'll grow out of it, Hun

Would rather not grow out of it. It's rather fun!
Happymum12345 · 06/06/2021 21:04

It wasn't the right thing to do at all, but nobody saw and he has apologised. I expect he wont do it again - if he does, then I would be very annoyed!

Wavypurple · 06/06/2021 21:06

I find this really gross, I wouldn’t be okay with this at all

Original poster
Undecidedandtorn · 06/06/2021 21:07

Thanks for all your responses. We do mess around indoors sometimes- I think he just misjudged things really badly. I'm sure I will forgive him - it wasn't meant to be humiliating.

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 06/06/2021 21:08

Well yes some posters have a very strong interest in telling women on here that they have to go along with lots of things otherwise their DP will have an affair...

It's interesting how very invested some are in telling women their boundaries etc are all wrong and they will drive their partner away.

It's always stuff to do with sex. Men are always characterised as immature alley cats with apparently no interest in anything apart from sex. And women are berated for not thinking boys will be boys.

It's such a sexist, unpleasant view of men. I always wonder what has happened that these posters think so little of them.

GreyhoundG1rl · 06/06/2021 21:08

Would rather not grow out of it. It's rather fun!
God, you sound tedious. Bet you're one of those "I'm mad, me!" bubbly people most other people try to avoid at parties.

FuckyouCovid21 · 06/06/2021 21:09

What was it meant to be if not humiliating. If my DP did this he'd not get the opportunity to do it again. He'd be fucked right off

Kissthepastrychef · 06/06/2021 21:11

I suspect, if they aren't a 12 year old boy, they are one of those people that feel the need to make double entendres and suggestive comments at all times which everyone around them finds extremely tedious and infantile.

I work with someone like this. It's excruciating

boredbuttercup · 06/06/2021 21:11

Entirely depends on your relationship.

Only you can know how it was meant to be. Funny and jokey and he just took it a little too far or malicious.

And even if it was intended to be funny and you have a relationship where you mess around like this you still have every right to have boundaries. If he's taken it to far you have every right to be pissed off. He can only apologise now and it's up to you if/when you accept that (you're more than allowed to take some time to cool off first). Going forward now he knows that boundary if he ever did it again then I really would be livid.

Roodicus21 · 06/06/2021 21:13

Depends how your relationship is.
On a day when dh and I are in a messing about and a jokey mood he might do something like this and I might do something like throw an ice cube down his shorts (or whatever). If you feel violated or that it was inappropriate then that's ok too. Think you need to speak to him.

NiceGerbil · 06/06/2021 21:14

I note the poster who thinks it's brilliant hasn't addressed any of the points about how boys behave towards girls too much of the time, whether she expects to still find this fun and sexy when she's in her 70s, whether she'd find it fun and sexy if she was having a super heavy period and was a bit worried about whether it had been contained. Etc etc.