DH pulled my skirt up - AIBU to feel angry?

[Undecidedandtorn]

Just before getting indoors from a trip out today my husband pulled my dress up and flashed my pants. He said that he had checked and there wasn't anyone coming down the street who could see (which I of course didn't know) but when I turned around there were some people up the road - he said they were too far away to see but I'm not 100% sure this is true (I'm 99% sure its true).

Its been about 3 hours and I am still really angry about this even though he has apologised. AIBU?

Very wise and very true @Bangolads.

I can't help thinking there's a lot of socking going on on this thread.

It boils my piss when my husband does this kind of thing. His latest trick was to pull my shorts AND pants down (think loose summer floaty clothes) INFRONT OF MY DAD! In turn, flashing my not so recently mown lady garden. I instantly reached out and smacked him round the face, hard. I shocked myself, I shocked him and I shocked my dad but he hasn’t dared pull a stunt like that again! I shouldn’t encourage violence as you might get a name as a husband beater, but could be worth a try!

Reading this made me feel sick. How utterly vile. I hope you aren't still with this monster.

I don't know depending on the situation I wouldn't be that angry. And if he made sure no one was around was just between yourselves. I had my skirt blown up by the wind a couple of times and was really exposed and didn't get traumatised.
I suppose it depends on how your relationship is with your husband and I definitely wouldn't get upset if he did that inside the house as someone suggested.
Of course if it upsets you he shouldn't do it.

The experience narrated by Bluedeblue is terrible though. That is nasty and humiliating.

Years ago on an evening out with friends my exH was standing behind me talking to his friend. I leaned over a table to talk to someone and when I did, exH pulled my skirt up, knickers down, slapped my arse and made a comment along the lines of 'have a go yourself' to his friend (who had the decency to be clearly mortified). I felt so humiliated and upset, but exH told me it was just a bit of fun, I should have been flattered and I was overreacting. We hadn't been married long at the time - I left him three years later after a catalogue of physical and emotional abuse and moved into a refuge.

Not saying your DH is the same level abusive, OP, but it is massively out of order to humiliate you like this in the name of 'fun'. And a massive, gigantic fuck off with a cherry on top to posters suggesting that to feel upset and humiliated at being treated this way makes you a 'fun sponge' who needs to 'lighten up'.

@Louise1051

I wouldn’t thank him for doing it in public but maybe he just really likes your ass and was feeling a wee bit frisky and playful. He misjudged but don’t hold it over him too much.

I read some posts on here saying it’s assault - I assume your men get you to sign a consent form before they lean in for a kiss . Xx

If a stranger pulled your skirt up in public would you not consider that assault? In your opinion, do husbands have a right to assault their wives whenever they fancy?

You have every right to be angry. You don't have to question that anger. He stepped over your personal boundaries, but he probably thought he was being spontaneous, flirty and funny. Definitely not funny, and if you didn't like it, you didn't like it. I think it'd be good to have a chat with him about why this isn't cool. You can tell him there are hundreds of women who agree with you, if he pulls the 'it's just a bit of fun, lighten up' card.

It's disrespectful - plain and simple.

The fact that you feel angry is a message that it was not okay and that it crossed a boundary.

You don't need to justify your anger - the anger ITSELF is the justification. You didn't like it so much it made you angry - therefore it is not ok and he knows for next time, and you have nothing to apologise for or justify.

So just to be clear - you don't need to try to work out why you were angry or justify to him why you were angry. The anger is the message - boundary crossed because of disrespecting and undermining you in public.

Sorry if I overstated by point there - could you tell I was more addressing myself than for anyone else in the last bit

@TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross Nope we don’t plus, we are still pretty young I’m 39 hubby is 42 with 2 kids aged 18M and 17F. Both kids (older one has special needs) are brought up in a fun loving household but at the same time respectful to others. My daughter watched it’s a sin during lockdown and went oooh 😮 that’s a lot of willies! Then watched bridgerton and shouted oh Christ not this again 😂😂😂

@TheVampiresWife, I’ve read your comments and your experience is very sad. I understand why you would read into the OPs story what you have.

I see things differently but as two adults let’s respect that difference of opinion and not castigate the other.

Wishing you happiness.
X

@linsey2581 You know those programmes aren't for under 16's? A schoolfriend of my sister's was allowed to watch whatever rating of film at any age. She ended up having a baby at 16.

And it sounds like your daughter isn't comfortable with it anyway, not that that makes a difference really.

He must be tough to live with as his mental age must be around 5 yrs old (even then I think most 5yr olds wouldn’t do this).

@me4real . Did you read my post correctly my daughter is 17 and have to say she is very mature for her age. She has taken on the role of a young carer to look after her 18 year old brother whilst myself and her dad go to work. She is about to start her training to become a paramedic. She wanted to watch it’s a sin as she wanted to know about the aids crises and actually went and did a bit of self research. Tbh even I didn’t think the program would be so graphic. We cannot wait until the 2nd series of Bridgerton.

Some of you really need to learn what consent is.

[quote oioisaveloy108]@JesusInTheCabbageVan

If a woman wants to remove all fun from a relationship, and start to jump to conclusions of public humiliation from a simple joke, then I'm not shocked at all if men stray.

I've never said it's acceptable or ok, but I'm not shocked

[/quote]
@oioisaveloy108

What's funny about someone showing your pants to casual passers by? If OP's husband thought it was funny, he could have shown his own pants, not OP's

OP, I wouldn't like this either, but I would look at (1) motivation and (2) how he reacted when you complained. If it was a genuine misguided attempt at humour, and genuine apology, I'd let it go

Just wondered how many ladies on here have ever lifted up a mans kilt? And if you have and you are on here criticising a man lifting his wife's skirt then you are all hypocrites.

@linsey2581

Just wondered how many ladies on here have ever lifted up a mans kilt? And if you have and you are on here criticising a man lifting his wife's skirt then you are all hypocrites.

If I heard of, or saw, any woman lifting up a man's kilt I'd view her with the same contempt as I would a man lifting up a woman's skirt.

I doubt there's many women on here who have criticised the OP's husband that would think it okay to lift up a man's kilt; more likely to be the style of the sort of woman who thinks it's absolutely fine and great fun for a man to expose a woman's knickers and/or arse to anyone who might be passing.

@linsey2581

Just wondered how many ladies on here have ever lifted up a mans kilt? And if you have and you are on here criticising a man lifting his wife's skirt then you are all hypocrites.

Are you on glue?

He misjudged a joke. You told him you didnt like it, a d hes apologised, presumably sees from your perspective how it wasnt ok...think everyone is overreacting a bit.
Me and my DP joke around with each other a bit and one time he did a slightly schoolboy similar thing. I immediately shut it down and told him how it made me feel and he understood, apologised and said that he had done it spur of the moment but realised how silly it was....life goes on.

@linsey2581

Just wondered how many ladies on here have ever lifted up a mans kilt? And if you have and you are on here criticising a man lifting his wife's skirt then you are all hypocrites.

Mmm! Your error is assuming that many posters have ever even met a man wearing a kilt!

And that skirt/kilt lifting is a common pastime.

And that such prurience is acceptable to many.

And that your perspective is, or should be, universal.

And that consent is ever optional!

Just wondered how many ladies on here have ever lifted up a mans kilt? And if you have and you are on here criticising a man lifting his wife's skirt then you are all hypocrites.

Hardly any, I should think. Are you under the impression that kilt-lifting is a common occurrence? On the extremely rare occasions I've seen a man in a kilt, it wouldn't have remotely occurred to me to do any such thing. Why would you?

@lazylinguist a woman putting her hand up a mans kilt is more common than you think. Saw it happening at an event once and even after the guy told the woman not to do it as it was classed as sexually inappropriate she laughed it off and did it again later. She wasn’t laughing when the guy called the police and was given a caution.

[quote linsey2581]@lazylinguist a woman putting her hand up a mans kilt is more common than you think. Saw it happening at an event once and even after the guy told the woman not to do it as it was classed as sexually inappropriate she laughed it off and did it again later. She wasn’t laughing when the guy called the police and was given a caution.[/quote]
So... you see that as an appropriate response when it is a man in a kilt, but not so much when it is a woman in a skirt.

Given both acts were non consensual is it becaue of the relationship, strangers vs married couple?