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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I don't want his kids here today?

227 replies

onceabitch · 06/06/2021 08:27

Long story short, me and the OH are currently arguing as I'm due to take the kids on holiday next week whilst he goes on a lads holiday child free, the deal was I take his car whilst it's 7 seats and hire him a van why it's just him. I pay half to the car so didn't see this would be an issue as it was his suggestion to do this? yesterday he's now started saying he doesn't trust me and I'm the worlds worst and called me every name under the sun and that iv been cheating etc. So if I take the kids away I won't be allowed back in the house and he will take my things to my mums whilst I'm away (totally bloody fine, saves me a job of packing!)
I have 2 terminally ill children, a baby and I don't drink or smoke or even go out as my life is just the kids and appointments then if I get a day not doing appointments we go out an do something fun! I have like 2 friends who I chat to and they will come visit every now and again but that's it.
I genuinely think it's him with a guilty conscience as I caught him texting his DD mum out of context of DD so it was like "hi babe how're you" "you okay, did you get XYZ done today" I said this was wrong and it needed to stop and only be about DD ? I don't think this was wrong of me as we don't speak like that to each other let alone an ex ? If it wasn't for me he wouldn't see his DD as when we met I pushed for him to see her and have contact so please don't think I'm trying to stop him or anything

But he's been sneaky with his phone since I seen the messages and his Dd was ment to come through the week as iv had his older sons for the past few weeks I just wanted a day with the kids relaxing and playing but he's just said his DD is coming, AIBU to say no ? I don't want another child around us not getting along
Literally cannot take anymore and I'm sick of been made to feel like it's always me who's at fault, if it helps I'm mid 20s an he's 40s, we met when I was 17 and Iv never been with anybody else....

OP posts:
Peppapeg · 06/06/2021 08:29

He can go somewhere with his DD if he wants to see her. I would use the time to make a plan to get rid of him, he sounds absolutely horrendous.

Frustratedmum2021 · 06/06/2021 08:29

Sounds like an utterly toxic situation all round. You need to split.

NameChangeAgain2 · 06/06/2021 08:31

He sounds abusive. I'm sorry you're in such a bad situation. I think you need to leave Flowers

Clymene · 06/06/2021 08:31

Go to your mum's and don't go back

TwoAndAnOnion · 06/06/2021 08:32

@Peppapeg

He can go somewhere with his DD if he wants to see her. I would use the time to make a plan to get rid of him, he sounds absolutely horrendous.
why? it's his house by the looks of the rest of the OP
Twoforthree · 06/06/2021 08:32

This sounds totally dysfunctional but dd needs to see her father.

Think carefully about the future.

onceabitch · 06/06/2021 08:33

@TwoAndAnOnion I pay the mortgage by myself actually.

OP posts:
Sweatycracks · 06/06/2021 08:33

He sounds horrible. And is possibly cheating...

Please make preparations to leave.

Is there anyone you can go and stay with??

TwoAndAnOnion · 06/06/2021 08:34

Your OP seems to imply it's his house?

If you are at the end of your relationship then you need to make plans to leave.

Whose name is on the car? is it a disability car for one of the children?

ICECream821 · 06/06/2021 08:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CareBear50 · 06/06/2021 08:34

OP, I mean this kindly, why are you within? D6ies he add anything positive to your life? X

onceabitch · 06/06/2021 08:34

I pushed for him to see her and have contact but I think today and the mood he is in isn't good for anyone to be around.
So if she comes I cannot go out with my Dc so she can see them otherwise I have to take her with me

OP posts:
DeathStare · 06/06/2021 08:35

It would be unreasonable to say his DD can't come, but he has to be fully responsible for looking after her.

However this is the least of your problems. Please take your babies and go to your mum's. Forever.

TwoAndAnOnion · 06/06/2021 08:36

[quote onceabitch]@TwoAndAnOnion I pay the mortgage by myself actually. [/quote]
I stand corrected - so your name is on the deeds, it's your house? then throw him out.

WildfirePonie · 06/06/2021 08:36

Kick him out.

Andi2020 · 06/06/2021 08:37

Let him have a day with his dd
And you go out
Are the other children his
Leave them all with him for the day and go to your mum.

DeathStare · 06/06/2021 08:37

I pay the mortgage by myself actually

Sorry, I misunderstood. Is the house in your name? If it is then throw him out. He adds nothing to your life by the sounds of it.

MyOtherProfile · 06/06/2021 08:38

OP please read back through your first post. This relationship is awful and you are kowtowing to a man you are also funding. Time for him to go.

Are all your children his? Does he take any responsibility for them?

onceabitch · 06/06/2021 08:38

I get nothing from this relationship but financially I'm so stuck. I'm mentally broke dealin with the kids on my own then him everyday but he knows he has me over a barrel. I pay every single thing with the money I get ans I'm left with - in my bank most months. He gets his money an treats himself constantly. His lads holiday is all fine. My holiday is with my parents they've paid for. The car isn't on mobility but in his name as I don't drive so was my dad driving it for us to go.

I cannot go to my parents as their isn't any room and it isn't suitable for the kids long term.
I'm pushing to get a house of local housing but it's been about 5months and I'm still the lowest band regardless of my situation as I "have a roof over my head "

Just last thing I need today is someone else to look after and been stuck in the house ? Am I the worst for saying this ??

OP posts:
KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 06/06/2021 08:41

Him seeing his DD today really isn’t the issue and it would be a shame if the DD missed out because of all the issues between you and her dad.

Go on the holiday and then make a plan to ditch OH. You should not have to deal with the abusive language and controlling behaviour.

Sounds like you have a lot to deal with in terms of your children, if he’s adding stress rather than supporting you then what is the point?

TwoAndAnOnion · 06/06/2021 08:41

@onceabitch

I get nothing from this relationship but financially I'm so stuck. I'm mentally broke dealin with the kids on my own then him everyday but he knows he has me over a barrel. I pay every single thing with the money I get ans I'm left with - in my bank most months. He gets his money an treats himself constantly. His lads holiday is all fine. My holiday is with my parents they've paid for. The car isn't on mobility but in his name as I don't drive so was my dad driving it for us to go.

I cannot go to my parents as their isn't any room and it isn't suitable for the kids long term.
I'm pushing to get a house of local housing but it's been about 5months and I'm still the lowest band regardless of my situation as I "have a roof over my head "

Just last thing I need today is someone else to look after and been stuck in the house ? Am I the worst for saying this ??

So if you pay for everything and he keeps his money, you wont be any worse off if you split. You'll probably be better off with single person supplements.
onceabitch · 06/06/2021 08:41

All my DC are his. You'd not think it unless he was putting on a show ? He got the mortgage and wouldn't put me on it but I pay the bill direct debit so regardless of I can't kick him out as it's legally his. He isn't a nice enough man to go stay somewhere else or rent somewhere until I can go (he has money)
He won't take DD out as she's coming to see my DC. Just feel like running into a wall

OP posts:
Newmumatlast · 06/06/2021 08:41

This doesn't sound healthy. Reads as having gotten into a relationship very young with someone much much older (he's in his 40s and you are mid 20s so together around 8 years so from when he was early 30s? 17 year old with someone early 30s is questionable and in most scenarios would be an imbalance of power) where you have been accelerated into alot of responsibility beyond your age and are now stuck. I would not accept this sort of behaviour from my DH. You don't have to either Flowers

Twoforthree · 06/06/2021 08:43

If the house is in your name, tell him to go.

Thisnamewasnttaken123 · 06/06/2021 08:43

He definitely sounds abusive you need to make plans to leave.
Don't have any of his children for him you have enough on your plate as it is.
What a horrible man.