I don't want his kids here today?

[onceabitch]

Long story short, me and the OH are currently arguing as I'm due to take the kids on holiday next week whilst he goes on a lads holiday child free, the deal was I take his car whilst it's 7 seats and hire him a van why it's just him. I pay half to the car so didn't see this would be an issue as it was his suggestion to do this? yesterday he's now started saying he doesn't trust me and I'm the worlds worst and called me every name under the sun and that iv been cheating etc. So if I take the kids away I won't be allowed back in the house and he will take my things to my mums whilst I'm away (totally bloody fine, saves me a job of packing!)
I have 2 terminally ill children, a baby and I don't drink or smoke or even go out as my life is just the kids and appointments then if I get a day not doing appointments we go out an do something fun! I have like 2 friends who I chat to and they will come visit every now and again but that's it.
I genuinely think it's him with a guilty conscience as I caught him texting his DD mum out of context of DD so it was like "hi babe how're you" "you okay, did you get XYZ done today" I said this was wrong and it needed to stop and only be about DD ? I don't think this was wrong of me as we don't speak like that to each other let alone an ex ? If it wasn't for me he wouldn't see his DD as when we met I pushed for him to see her and have contact so please don't think I'm trying to stop him or anything

But he's been sneaky with his phone since I seen the messages and his Dd was ment to come through the week as iv had his older sons for the past few weeks I just wanted a day with the kids relaxing and playing but he's just said his DD is coming, AIBU to say no ? I don't want another child around us not getting along
Literally cannot take anymore and I'm sick of been made to feel like it's always me who's at fault, if it helps I'm mid 20s an he's 40s, we met when I was 17 and Iv never been with anybody else....

@Grenlei

I don't understand how the OP is able to pay all household bills including food, a mortgage (the mortgage must surely be at least £400-500 a month alone, possibly more than that) and run a car purely on benefits as her partner does not contribute any of his salary?

Op would get 89.60 x2 for heigh care. 62.55 ×2 heigh mobility. That's the weekly rate.

You can use pip mobility money to pay for your own car. I do.

You need someone who is experienced in dealing both with the abuse he is putting you through AND the practicalities to help you leave.

Please get in touch with Women’s Aid.

I really hope are able to get away ASAP. He really is a horrible human being
What he said to you today is disgusting and offensive.
He doesn't love you and doesn't respect you.
However, your children love you unconditionally and you deserve it. Put them and you first. Put him last, he doesn't deserve to be in relationship with you. You are way too good for him.

Is he the father of his ex’s 11 children as well ??

Even using those rates that's £300ish a week, so £1200 a month?

As OP has mentioned she spends £300 on travelling to medical appointments that leaves under £1k to pay a mortgage, council tax, utility bills, mobile phone, internet, and run a car, plus feed and clothe up to 8 people (OP, her partner, their 3 DC and the partners other 3 children who are there some or all of the time). I can't see how that's possible.

@onceabitch

Also I dont get much.... He works so his wages are deducted from my money on UC aswel as my caters allowance that gets taken to. then the Dla pays the bills and he takes the motability to pay for a car he got not through mobility? If this makes any sense and it costs me around £300 a month in travel for hospital appointments as he doesn't take us I use public transport

Leave. The mobility is for benefit of children Use to pay taxis insteaD of car for him to use

He is milking you and dc and leaVing you suffering

Get put
Get benefits paid to you
Rent and get hb
You have no rights to house

@ProudPolyGradSingleMum it's a car he got and paid for with mobility money I get. Money goes into my bank. We don't share accounts

@Grenlei it isn't possible your god damn right and I am so broke !! My bank is in - every time I get paid due to this reason.
He does pay the insurance for his own car and helps to the gas and electric. But the rest is on me and I have to borrow a lot of the time or find different ways to make ends meet
His holiday is the week after I get home. I'm hoping to get things sorted tomorrow as I can't take anymore. Really appreciate all the advice form you all. Thank you means a lot and that I'm not going insane ? Sick of hearing how I make him do these things towards me when I don't even speak! X

Stop paying everything, why are you doing this ?

this is appalling

Ok, this is good. you dont share an account. Cancel the direct debit for the mortgage right now.
You do not need to give him any money from your account. He may scream and shout but you can call the police if he starts frightening you. He has his own money.

Speak to the school tomorrow. get their help. Speak to your mum, Im sure she would be horrified. And then inform all the utilities that you are leaving and get closing readings. And leave

You keep saying you can't take this anymore, but you do not have too! You have a choice- it's a hard one to make but you do. Stop all direct debits the day before you get paid, then you will have your full monthly benefits. Take your children to your moms bunk up if you have too. Go to the council explain how you are now homeless and you will get somewhere.

Pack only what you can carry. If he goes mental and causes issues call the police and follow through report him! The more evidence you have the more power you gave to control your life.

You can rebuild your life, you can ensure your babies have the best life, without living their final days with this ogre of a man.

I was in a violent and emotionally abusive relationship with a child and I couldn't see a way out- when I realised the barrier was me, and I took that choice to leave and every time he tried to pull me back in I reported him to the police and I followed through- wow it was powerful, I got my life back, I got my baby back I got our future back. You can do this, don't let things, finances, you stop you- make that step and use all the protection the police can provide. X

Why don’t you move to your mum’s, cancel all dd (including the payment for his car, the mobility payments are to ensure you have transport for your sick kids), contact universal credit and tell them that you are now single so they can remove him from your claim.
Call domestic abuse helplines for support. You need to get away from him

@Littlepaws18 I'm so glad you got out , must of been hard but you did it !
Iv cancelled everything now and il try get the post before him so he isn't aware iv cancles the DD!! Gives me an extra week or 2 to go. Il just slowly start taking things
Memory box's etc and a few clothes Then I can literally walk out with my bag of meds, he won't suspect a thing and not look back!!
Thank you all again. Really opened my eyes just sat staining at a wall getting my thoughts together. X

Fucking hell op you are amazing and strong. All the best to you and your DC. As for him there are no words. Really no words Ive met some vile bastards in my time but to not even take care of his two terminally ill children. Speechless. Pure evil. Take care op and try to remember that any day is a good day with your DC. Do not waste a second on that bastard.

[quote onceabitch]@Littlepaws18 I'm so glad you got out , must of been hard but you did it !
Iv cancelled everything now and il try get the post before him so he isn't aware iv cancles the DD!! Gives me an extra week or 2 to go. Il just slowly start taking things
Memory box's etc and a few clothes Then I can literally walk out with my bag of meds, he won't suspect a thing and not look back!!
Thank you all again. Really opened my eyes just sat staining at a wall getting my thoughts together. X[/quote]

please be careful lady.. and sending you strength and support 🌸

@Daisy1245 I once seen Ashley Cain post Something like
No matter how bad a day seems, theirs always some good in it

Having my kids to wake up to is the best thing ever! I am strong looking back an some of the things Iv delt with and on my own to is crazy! Il fight the world for my kids to have the best chances at things and life and this is one of my battles. I'm a woman, strong headed and determined so il win. Il watch him rot. He isn't getting the better of me any more

[quote onceabitch]@Littlepaws18 I'm so glad you got out , must of been hard but you did it !
Iv cancelled everything now and il try get the post before him so he isn't aware iv cancles the DD!! Gives me an extra week or 2 to go. Il just slowly start taking things
Memory box's etc and a few clothes Then I can literally walk out with my bag of meds, he won't suspect a thing and not look back!!
Thank you all again. Really opened my eyes just sat staining at a wall getting my thoughts together. X[/quote]
Well done and good luck

[quote onceabitch]@ProudPolyGradSingleMum it's a car he got and paid for with mobility money I get. Money goes into my bank. We don't share accounts [/quote]
@onceabitch that’s what I thought.

People thought - I think - that you used the money for a motability car and he was using that car for himself which is against the rules of the scheme.

Just checking he doesn't have access to your bank and won't get notifications of the DD's being cancelled? Maybe change your banking password if you think he might have it.

Stop paying his mortgage and eventually he will get house repossessed if he does not pay for it himself then LA will have to re-home you as you will all be homeless.

Op - have you claimed dla for the 2 little ones. If they're terminally ill it's paid at high care/high mobility and you can claim carers allowance.

I'd happily help you with the forms x

Love and light xxxxxxxxxxxx

PS. Kick him out.

dla for terminally ill children is £151 per week and carers is £67 per week

This also gives you more on ctc / uc and you'd get free road tax

im glad you got rid x How dare he spend your children's mobility money!