I don't want his kids here today?

[onceabitch]

Long story short, me and the OH are currently arguing as I'm due to take the kids on holiday next week whilst he goes on a lads holiday child free, the deal was I take his car whilst it's 7 seats and hire him a van why it's just him. I pay half to the car so didn't see this would be an issue as it was his suggestion to do this? yesterday he's now started saying he doesn't trust me and I'm the worlds worst and called me every name under the sun and that iv been cheating etc. So if I take the kids away I won't be allowed back in the house and he will take my things to my mums whilst I'm away (totally bloody fine, saves me a job of packing!)
I have 2 terminally ill children, a baby and I don't drink or smoke or even go out as my life is just the kids and appointments then if I get a day not doing appointments we go out an do something fun! I have like 2 friends who I chat to and they will come visit every now and again but that's it.
I genuinely think it's him with a guilty conscience as I caught him texting his DD mum out of context of DD so it was like "hi babe how're you" "you okay, did you get XYZ done today" I said this was wrong and it needed to stop and only be about DD ? I don't think this was wrong of me as we don't speak like that to each other let alone an ex ? If it wasn't for me he wouldn't see his DD as when we met I pushed for him to see her and have contact so please don't think I'm trying to stop him or anything

But he's been sneaky with his phone since I seen the messages and his Dd was ment to come through the week as iv had his older sons for the past few weeks I just wanted a day with the kids relaxing and playing but he's just said his DD is coming, AIBU to say no ? I don't want another child around us not getting along
Literally cannot take anymore and I'm sick of been made to feel like it's always me who's at fault, if it helps I'm mid 20s an he's 40s, we met when I was 17 and Iv never been with anybody else....

Are you married?

If you’re not named on the house stop paying for anything except whatever is directly yours.

Don’t take care of his DC from previous marriage, he needs to take care of his own responsibilities.

Have you got a separate bank account have all your benefits and money paid into it.

Put in a CMS claim, you can do it any time you separate.

Why do new girlfriends ‘push’ for their feckless boyfriends to see their children from previous relationships, when the father has no interest in seeing them, and then the new women are shocked the bloke who abandoned his older DC isn’t really interested in parenting his DC.

@maddening

Register an interest in the house as you have direct evidence of you paying the mortgage. He won't be able to sell without dealing with your interest.

Agree with this. Really important.

Speak to Womens Aid. See a solicitor. Make a plan to leave.

[quote onceabitch]@Newmumatlast if I cancel the DD he would be notified or told when it isn't paid and would go crazy [/quote]
So?

I suggest you look at what is available in private rented, stop paying his mortgage, move out, but first see a solicitor to see if you can benefit from having paid the mortgage for so long.

I suppose a few weeks under each other's feet wouldn't hurt
And his Dd had no contact and I think this is wrong and every child should see their parent so I pushed for him to make contact and he's seen her ever since? I just thought it was the right thing to do and I still do.
Our first was planned as he was lovely when we first got together then after I had him he changed to a different human

[quote onceabitch]@Newmumatlast if I cancel the DD he would be notified or told when it isn't paid and would go crazy [/quote]
You really need support.

I have been in a DV relationship. I understand that it is a slow burn effect and you get in too deep before you realise.

Please, contact Womens Aid. Do it when you're on holiday away from him and have a moment away from the kids so you feel safe. People can help you xxx

Call women's aid tomorrow. Answer their questions honestly and they will give you good advice.
If your name is not on the mortgage or the deeds you are not legally obliged to pay anything towards the mortgage if you are not married. Equally, you have no rights at all to the house, if you are not married.
You are being used as a free bank.
Pack up all your things and go to your parents.
Any car you have under the mobility scheme can only be used for the benefit of the person with the disability. Anything else is illegal. Your partner is not allowed to use it for himself.
You are in a controlling and abusive relationship. Women's aid will help you.

It isnt a matter of so in some relationships unfortunately

@Newmumatlast

It isnt a matter of so in some relationships unfortunately

This was a response to @frazzledasarock

That’s what I’m trying to work out, OP are you paying for everything to your own detriment because you’re afraid your boyfriend will become violent if you don’t?

Pack all your stuff and move to your mums. You will be homeless then. Phone every company and cancel the DD. Remove your name from each account. You may need to give a final reading for each.
Contact women's aid. They can help.
Call the police if you fear violence from him. Get some family and friends to come round to help you move. Make sure you take everything important for the dc, especially paperwork.
Good luck

So if I take the kids away I won't be allowed back in the house and he will take my things to my mums whilst I'm away (totally bloody fine, saves me a job of packing!)

Here's your answer OP. Go to your Mums and even if you're on the floor it's a roof over your heads and a better case for being homeless & getting allocated a place than living in a house you're paying for. You'll have the freedom to make calls to sort yourself out too.

As soon as the door is closed behind you, cancel all direct debits that pay his bills.

You really must get yourself and your babies away from this abusive twat ASAP, no excuses xx

You have money if you are covering the mortgage and bills. It’s temporary discomfort and upheaval to change accommodation but it’s clearly doable, the you’ll never look back.

You just git to get up the confidence to leave rather than looking for excuses not to.

Posters on here or women’s aid, can help you do this.

Turn up at the council and say you are homeless. Worse case scenario you sleep on an air bed at your parents for a night or two.

It isn’t true in all cases that you’ve no right to the house if you’re not married. The op pays the mortgage and may have a beneficial interest (equitable interest). I really wish people wouldn’t post this as it’s not true.

She needs to see women’s aid and a solicitor.

Make sure you collect and copy or take with you every piece of financial paperwork you can find. Payslips, credit card statements, mortgage, house deeds, bank statements everything. You will need it all and you dont want to risk him hiding or destroying it. Make sure you write down all the reference numbers erc. Photograph everything on your phone.

[quote onceabitch]@Takemetothebar they moved in with me when I met him at 17. Their mum is really useless she's got 11 kids and 9 are in care of someone else or moved out now.

I'm stuck as I have nothing to leave with. As soon as I get paid it goes the same day he makes sure it's accounted for! [/quote]
You need to get advise on this OP.

Are you saying that he controls your money?
Is it coming from a joint account?

You are so young OP. You don't need to live like this.

And also put on a CMS claim. They take ages to pay out but you’ll get money towards your DC.

Also check what benefits you’re entitled to, you’ll get help if you’re on your own. It’s not loads but it’s something.

I agree proudsinglemum, but she must get proof of her payments and where the money comes from.

Forget the holiday.
Use his lads time to pack your stuff and leave.
Register an interest in the house.
Go to your mum and dads and go to the council for overcrowding.
Stop all payments and transfer the bills to his name.

@endofthelinefinally

I agree proudsinglemum, but she must get proof of her payments and where the money comes from.

Absolutely she must.

Ugh op you are in a horrendous situation. Rise above it for today but get busy working out an exit strategy. This is not who you should be spending your life with.

[quote onceabitch]@Newmumatlast if I cancel the DD he would be notified or told when it isn't paid and would go crazy [/quote]
Go to the police if you are genuinely scared of what he will do, before you cancel everything.
In the meantime photocopy/take photos of, all documents proving what you’ve paid for. Photocopy his wage slips etc for maintenance.

Sorry, that should be to ProudPolyGradSingleMum. On phone and cant do c&p.

Go to your parents and when there cancel all the bills you pay.
Use that money to save up for a rental deposit.
Be strong OP, he’s awful and you deserve better

And you have their perfect opportunity to get everything sorted whilst he’s away. Can anyone lend you a deposit for private rental until you get sorted?