‘don’t bother coming if nobody can hold the baby’

[nina3638]

basically my family are having an outdoor get together tomorrow. they’re having the maximum 30 people over in the garden and i said i’ll come but not passing my 9 week baby around as i just think that’s too many people passing her about. she’s only had one set of jabs nevermind covid or anything else.

i said to my grandma i’m not going to pass her around and she said ‘well __ will want to hold her, she loves babies you have to let her hold her’ i said no cause i can’t let one person and say no to everyone else who wants to, that looks rude. and she said well don’t bother coming.

so is this all i’m good for now? nobody wants to just say hi and catch up with me anymore, i’m only worth coming if i’ll pass my baby around?

Grandma is possibly projecting her own disapointment at not getting a cuddle onto the host, so that she can berate you for it without "owning" it but that's failed, as she has come off as a right arse.

Go with your gut re attending, and don't let mean grandma bully you!

YANBU

fuck people's expectations, especially those who can't respect your decisions about your own baby.
even if they might think you are irrational so what? you are allowed to be as protective as you want to be. it's your baby.

and you and baby are not a circus double act ffs.
go and stand your ground. that will teach them that you can't be manipulated or blackmailed emotionally.
be strong

and congratulations on your newborn

@QioiioiioQ

what does she think it is, pass the parcel?

and the lucky one gets to change the stinky nappy!🤣

Honestly, some people are so vocal about about holding babies but most people are perfectly fine not holding a tiny baby. Your gran doesn't speak for everyone. Just say no. The vast majority of people will accept it. I wouldn't even ask to hold someone's baby.

My nan is exactly the same. Thinks she has the final say. She bloody doesn't!

@godmum56 ha no I wouldn't either to be honest.

Just stay at home.
There'll be some drama about passing the baby around if you do go. I really don't think tiny babies should be passed round a whole load of people like that - it's very unsettling for them never mind the issue of germs.

How ridiculous. I would go with the baby and stay firm! Why should OP miss out or have to leave her baby if she doesn't want to? Grandma isn't hosting so it's not like OP has been uninvited.

YANBU op. I couldn't imagine having a small baby during these times - mine are a little older now. I don't think I'd let anyone hold them tbf but I may be ott. I remember a friend of mine had a baby a few months ago during the lockdown. She had people in there visiting every day holding baby (posted photos on fb) and I just couldn't let that many people hold my baby during a pandemic.

She's your baby and quite frankly it's your choice and if you don't want anyone holding her bugger what everyone else thinks!

I'm a bit funny about my mum getting too close to my dc even now they are a little older. She thinks I'm being awkward but my mum socialises with so many people with no social distancing etc.

Maybe it would be easier just to not go.. if you aren't overly bothered about attending yourself.

I think many people think they are invincible once they are vaccinated.

I think you're being perfectly reasonable and most people would understand you not passing the baby around

Also especially outside it's not like people are likely to have all washed their hands

But you need to be prepared to say hi if you go as it's likely some people will ask

Hi OP, just to say that I went through all of this last summer with my own baby. It isn't easy, but just hold firm. Surely the fact that this event has to be outdoors will serve as a pretty strong reminder to everyone why a vulnerable newborn can be passed around at the moment.

I can understand your feelings. I found strapping baby in a sling was useful at times like this. If anyone asked and I didn’t want to hand baby over, i’d just say “he/she is settled/sleeping just now so lets not disturb them”. People seemed alright with that response.

As the weather is warmer now though baby will need to come out of a sling so they don’t over heat. Hope u work something out if you’d like to attend.

Is you grandparent safely vaccinated and now wanting you to risk your baby???

I think you are blowing it out of proportion a bit. Most people will have no interest in holding the baby, and even the ones who do, will be unlikely to actually ask or insist. Making an announcement in advance makes it into more of a big deal. If you put the baby in a sling, just say "maybe later, she's settled now" if anyone asks and let them peek in at her, they will be fine.
I think covid is a genuine concern with a newborn, as are other respiratory viruses. The infant vaccinations are not relevant as none of them are the kind of thing that grandma is likely to be infected with.
If you want to see the people going, they probably want to see you as well so don't be put off by one nasty person.

Perfectly reasonable to refuse to pass her round. Go, enjoy yourself, anyone who asks for a cuddle will have to wait til you’re happy to allow this. It’s not public property, it’s your child!

@ComDummings

I wouldn’t bother going after that comment

Call their bluff. Don't go. 9 weeks is very young.

Why risk it or stress over it don’t go or if you do pop in for half an hour to see the relative you want then leave.

Dont go. Play it safe.

That's crazy and incredibly rude,adults behaving like spoilt toddlers because 'they must''.Baby is not an effing toy!!!
OP,put your baby in the sling and only take out when feeding/changing.
Otherwise,don't bother going,not worth it.It's their loss,not yours.

My ex made me go to a party when my baby was about 2 weeks old. Loads of people passed her around and wouldn’t give her back for a feed. They kept saying she would cry if she was hungry (she didn’t really cry ever). She got a respiratory infection from that party and was in hospital for several nights. I’ve never forgiven him for not standing up for me. I don’t agree with passing babies around full stop. Have a couple of people round and let them have a hold but not bloody parties.

@bishbashbosh99

I think she's being a bit of a dick but also I'm not sure what the magic number is for your baby to be passed to. I bloody love passing my own around so I can have a break (aka get drunk🤣)

Same here. I was so proud. I wanted everyone to have a go. Though my baby was 2lbs and I was in neo natal for a while and I was so excited to finally be able to pass them to family members. I loved it. No one had been able to touch let alone hold. So everyone was excited. The first outing was a family bbq. I didn’t even see them for 4 hrs. Was great

However. I’d either not go. Or just say no if anyone wants too. I don’t see why you don’t feel that you can’t just. Say no? It’s your child.

I've had endless trouble with relatives thinking they own ds. Also total strangers and occassionally people who seem to be vagrants in the street. It drives me potty. Sorry you are having to deal with this already. I have no idea what the answer is, though I can recommend faking illness and refusing to go to any social events (that is only slightly a joke).

sorry just catching up on replies, didn’t expect to come back to so many! i like the idea of wearing her in a sling though. my grandma has been quite pushy about baby since day 1. i wanted a few days to myself when i left hospital and she turned up at my house the day i came home, asks to push pram all the time (first time she did she tried to cross the road in front of a bus and i had to grab the pram back and she wonders why i say no to her pushing the pram now :s) etc.

i know some people will love passing their baby around and that’s totally understandable but for me i just don’t feel safe doing it yet

also to those saying not everyone will want to hold the baby: the majority of my family is made up of baby crazy people who adore newborns and pretty much play pass the baby whenever there’s a new one in the family. i wouldn’t mind if i thought just a few people would want a cuddle but i think there would be at least half wanting one

@nina3638

also to those saying not everyone will want to hold the baby: the majority of my family is made up of baby crazy people who adore newborns and pretty much play pass the baby whenever there’s a new one in the family. i wouldn’t mind if i thought just a few people would want a cuddle but i think there would be at least half wanting one

then you are going to have to set your limits. For a quiet life I'd probably just not go. If anybody asks why then be honest.

Please don’t feel bad about this. Your grandmother was really unkind. I wouldn’t pass a 9 week old baby around pre-covid. She’s not a parcel.