‘don’t bother coming if nobody can hold the baby’

[nina3638]

basically my family are having an outdoor get together tomorrow. they’re having the maximum 30 people over in the garden and i said i’ll come but not passing my 9 week baby around as i just think that’s too many people passing her about. she’s only had one set of jabs nevermind covid or anything else.

i said to my grandma i’m not going to pass her around and she said ‘well __ will want to hold her, she loves babies you have to let her hold her’ i said no cause i can’t let one person and say no to everyone else who wants to, that looks rude. and she said well don’t bother coming.

so is this all i’m good for now? nobody wants to just say hi and catch up with me anymore, i’m only worth coming if i’ll pass my baby around?

Sorry I thought there was only one page! Ignore previous

Do t go very simple

Your baby - your rules.

You are worth a lot more than your unfeeling grandmother.

I personally wouldn’t go under those circumstances but if you do, just make it very very clear the baby is not to be held by anyone but you. Don’t let even your partner hold her because someone will take her off him and he won’t say a thing, he’s a man and let’s be honest they are pretty useless in these circumstances. Good luck

@nina3638

well, success. i went and managed to stand my ground and say no to people holding her and they all understood (except for my grandma who pushed the most to hold her and was annoyed that i wouldn’t let her).

glad i saw people but also glad i haven’t risked my baby by passing her around.

delighted with this happy ending....you are a star mother

Good on you OP! Now there's a mumma bear! How did the host take it?

I don't think your baby would have been at risk anyway but they're not a toy to pass round in any event.

Go, Nina! What a great rôle model you are going to be for your DD!

This is a brilliant update, well done @nina3638!

Also good that you found out that your other relatives are not unreasonable.

I totally agree I wouldn't go either see them another time when less people are around

When I took my baby to the first family gathering I kept him in the sling and no one said a word, was marvellous!!

Well done OP its not easy to be assertive when you are a new mum

Well done. My baby got a cold at 10 days old from being passed around. She couldn't feed or sleep properly because she was so stuffy. Not worth it!

@nina3638

awesome. well done you

@Yorkshiretolondon

Do t go very simple

She did go.

All was well.

Nobody held the baby.

Well done OP !! 😀

Just tell her to suit herself not go and enjoy the day with your husband and baby doing something else not catching covid and not being around people who only want you there because they want to hold your baby x

Saw your last post Op. Well done on standing your ground and setting a boundary. You'll find it easier the next time, if there is a next time, to set boundaries with grandma that keep your precious little one safe and let her know you are a mama bear who won't be dictated to!

@Gremlina

Just tell her to suit herself not go and enjoy the day with your husband and baby doing something else not catching covid and not being around people who only want you there because they want to hold your baby x

The event is over.

OP went.

She has updated the thread.

Nobody held the baby.

I’m always up for a cuddle with a baby, especially a very new one but I always make sure new mum is happy about it and with covid people will be even more understanding if you are not happy with the idea . You can still coo over a baby without having to get your mits on it. The odd cheek stroke won’t hurt. I concur with the sling idea.

Just go and state your own rules, state clearly that you won’t be doing this.
Or go without baby for very short time.
Or don’t go!
But don’t stress yourself, you’re the boss here, and no grandma is in any position to tell you what to do!

Well done!

Your gran is a piece of work.

Well done OP! you did amazingly well, I'd wouldn't have been able to do that (my family similar to yours, my grandmother sounds exactly the same)

U r been an absolute princess! Suck it up!!!