To think this message for my ex dil was condescending?

[fieldsofgold65]

My ex dil sent me a message this morning as I had mentioned to my son that my gd had said her homework wasn't getting done at her mums house.

She sent the following - 'hi fieldsofgold, just off phone from (my sons name) and he mentioned that gd had told you that she doesn't do her homework at my house and that you were concerned that I 'just wasn't bothering'. Just to let you know that gd does do her homework at my house, I have her full time so of course she has to do her homework at my house. I'm not sure why she said that and will discuss with her in the morning, if she feels she is doing too little homework then I can definitely give her more work. She is in top maths and top spelling group at school, and we read every night before bed reading a page each as we go. Her teacher is thrilled with her both socially and academically, she says she is perfectly behaved and a joy to have in class so I am not worried about her in the slightest and her homework is certainly being done x'

I mentioned it to my son out of concern however I wish I hadn't bothered now. Her message has left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. I find it condescending and a passive aggressive attempt at her telling me to butt out. AIBU?

No sign of op.

I wonder if this will appear on some shitty newspaper website soon... 🤔

Yabvu

Good I'm glad you feel that way.

Keep your nose out in future!

YABU

I'd have just straight out told you to remove your beak from my business and maybe take a look at your own goddamn parenting if your son isn't doing 50% of the care of his own child.

Hth, hun

Are you worried your grandchildren are walking to far as well?

I'm at a loss to understand why you are questioning her about homework but not your son about his lack of parenting?

First time poster; now disappeared. What a surprise.

YABU. You were complaining about her parenting!!!! She's literally politely told you that everything is ok. You now need to be careful because if you continue like this then she may stop you seeing your granddaughter!

Maybe your son could have his daughter more often if you’d both like to be more directly involved in her education?

Go to gransnet. Every DIL is the devil over there and they’ll tell you you’re right.

You’re not though.

A bitter taste in YOUR mouth- imagine how you ex dil feels! Yabu, just be kind.

Surely a reverse?

Leave school concerns to the parents. And don't stir shit between ex dil and son - it's unnecessary and could negatively impact your GC.

How in gods name does your son not know how his daughter is doing in school??? Seriously maybe you should be more concerned that your son is unaware of how your gd is doing in school...if he was a hands on dad he would know whether his daughter was having issues in school with regards homework. You should thank your lucky stars that your ex dil replied in such a nice manner because you didn't deserve such a positive response

YABU.
I would have sent the same reply...to be honest, I thought she was rather pleasant.

Surely as you were simply raising a concern you’re pleased to learn that it was unfounded?

What a relief for you.

I'm going also with reverse......

Has to be a reverse.🤣
That message was fine.

OP not been back?

STUNNED I tell you.

You do know that your precious son is also responsible for looking after and helping his child do their homework?

Why would your GC even mention homework to you? No kids likes doing it so I find it odd how she mentioned it to you, I suspect you have been asking her leading questions to try trip her mum up just so you can tell your son !!

Entirely polite message.

Did you actually say that "you were concerned that she just wasn't bothering" ?

If so, you're lucky to have not been told to fuck off!

Stop with the 'concern' poison and stop with the pot shots.

I don't think she was condescending.
I do think the subtext was clear.
Your son does fuck all. How dare you question MY parenting.

Stop with your 'concerns'. Treat the mother of your grandchild with respect. Reflect on your own parenting. You raised a child who according to this woman, doesn't contribute much and who takes his mummy's criticisms straight to his ex.

Sounds like your son doesn't have much contact with or responsibility for his child (your GD) but you feel like you have a right to criticize the person who is raising her full time?

Butt out, you overstepped the mark and got a pretty honest, unoffensive reply. Sounds to me that your upset because you got caught out overstepping.

If there's a problem it's between the school, your ex DIL and your GD, not you, your son and DIL.

@kwiksavenofrillsusername

Go to gransnet. Every DIL is the devil over there and they’ll tell you you’re right.

You’re not though.

Fact

I think it was a ridiculous response from the DIL.

Structured, polite and to the point.

You would have gotten a very different response from me OP as it would have contained expletives.