RSVP to wedding with pretend allergies!

[TheBirdIsTheWord]

NC as this is outing!

We've had a few RSVPs back for our wedding and suddenly all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

Whilst some of them I know are genuine and we are of course accommodating them, others I know for a fact are BS because I've seen them eat these things regularly and be absolutely fine. It's frustrating because the most affordable option for catering to a large group of people all being served at the same time was to have a set menu. It's impossible to plan a set menu that accommodates every single person and to serve these individuals something different tailored to them will cost us extra per person on top of the set price. We're happy to do that for genuine allergies but not for people who we know are making it up. It feels like people are just saying they have allergies without caring about how inconvenient it is for us to rearrange the menu so they don't have to eat a mushroom or whatever. We are providing canapes, a three course meal, and a buffet, (and cake!!) so if they dont like one thing there'll be other options.

I dont really know what to do, I dont know whether to just ignore the silly ones that I know aren't true. I dont want to argue with anyone. I'm really surprised and disappointed with how many people are making things up as if they think I'm a bit thick and wont realize, or they just dont gaf about being unnecessarily difficult.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

I like to think I have a good understanding of allergies etc but would someone mind explaining how lactose and dairy free differ as I'm not sure of the difference ?

@Kissthepastrychef lactose is the sugar in milk. Some people don’t have any or enough of the enzymes need to digest lactose. Often this can occur in later life. This is lactose intolerance because they can’t digest the lactose oppose to their immune system over responding as in an allergy. People with milk allergy usually have CMPA and they have an allergy to the protein in cow’s milk. The majority of people with CMPA are also allergic to buffalo and goat milk because the protein is very similar. People with CMPA can normally have medicine with lactose in because it’s very pure but lactose in food product often contain protein too. Does that make sense?

I think so, it's a bit confusing ! So if cows milk had no lactose in, someone that was lactose allergic could drink it but someone with a dairy allergy couldn't ?

Rather die than tell someone where your epipen is?! That’s just beyond bonkers. Whenever I take a school trip, I always know-and check-where the epipen is. It would be utterly stupid of me not to know if a child is having a severe reaction.

Yes that's right. Lactose intolerant only reacts to the lactose which is a sugar and can be removed from milk. It's also not a risk for cross contamination etc because most lactose intolerant people can tolerate tiny amounts of lactose in their system.

Whereas someone with a dairy allergy reacts to the proteins in the dairy (it can be one or more of the many proteins that make up whey and casein). These are still present in lactose free milk. And people with an allergy will still react to small amounts and cross contamination because it's an immune response and it only takes a tiny amount of the protein for the immune system to go nope.

@pigeonpocket so am I right in thinking products marked as lactose free aren't suitable for dairy free ? I'm sure I've seen some around.
I'm guessing most people just go with the coverall of "dairy free" rather than take the risk when eating outside their own home ?

Why can't you just text and ask?

"Hi friend, I've got in my list that you're allergic to tomatoes, but I just saw you post some lovely ones on insta, so just checking if that's right?"

Also I was at school with a girl who couldn't have cows milk but could have goats milk (this was before the days of these milks being readily available). What would that be ? I think she grew out of it

Yeah, lactose free is not suitable for people who need things to be dairy free.

A small amount of children with cows milk allergy (I think around 10-20%) can tolerate goat and sheep milk. The proteins are similar but not exactly the same. It depends which of the milk proteins someone reacts to. So she was probably allergic to cows milk.

Thankyou for taking the time to explain @pigeonpocket

I loved doing allergy stuff when i worked as a chef, I saw it as a professional challenge to come up with something appropriate for our 5* hotel and as delicious as the non-allergen guests were getting. Once you have a few ideas up your sleeve it's not too tricky.

@pigeonpocket

Yeah, lactose free is not suitable for people who need things to be dairy free.

A small amount of children with cows milk allergy (I think around 10-20%) can tolerate goat and sheep milk. The proteins are similar but not exactly the same. It depends which of the milk proteins someone reacts to. So she was probably allergic to cows milk.

Yes we’re in this situation, my son has a severe allergy to cows milk/products made from cows milk. He has a mild allergy to goats milk so he doesn’t eat any goat based dairy, due to the severity of his cows milk allergy his allergy to goat dairy could become more accute so he is advised not to consume any goats dairy as it could become more severe. We did have an incident in a friends house where we didn’t realise their soap was based on goats milk until he came out in a rash after washing his hands.

@Soverymuchfruit

Why can't you just text and ask?

"Hi friend, I've got in my list that you're allergic to tomatoes, but I just saw you post some lovely ones on insta, so just checking if that's right?"

I didn't know this until about 2 years ago but some people can eat cooked tomatoes but can't eat raw tomatoes, and some people can only eat raw tomatoes but not cooked ones.

Most people just have aversions to one kind or the other due to the many chemicals in tomatoes, but there are people who do have an allergy to one or the other.

If a dear friend has a food issue, then of course one wants to do your best, and in fact you would most likely know that they have an allergy or severe intolerance.

But to be frank having to go to great lengths to accommodate Auntie Janet’s new man friend’s self-diagnosed allergies would be annoying. I sat next to a D-list guest at a wedding who had a special meal due to his multiple food issues (which he told me about -great). He was a grumpy bugger and only there because he was the plus one of the mother of the bride’s best friend.

No nuts at all is common at a wedding. I'm intolerant but I've been told the more I "accidentally" eat it the more reactive to it I'll become.

We had curry at ours, most guests knew this before and I had arranged plain chicken (no vegetarians) option of a tomato sauce for the ones I knew who wouldn't like it!

It's hard as its your wedding but I think you will need to find out (maybe use close family to help) to find out how genuine these allergies are. We don't all use pens but it could still have serious consequences.

I'd call them all and clarify. Hi Bob, one of the cnapaes contains X so I just to clarify of it's an allergy, intolerance or preference as we may have to remove some items completely if it is indeed an allergy.

To be honest I think you need to check anyway as the caterers do need to know if someone has a genuine allergy as this will affect how they prepare things. They will need to ensure all equipment, storage etc is completely separate if there are allergies but if it's preferences or intolerance cross contamination is not so critical.
For example I make cakes. I get requests for dairy/gluten free - if it's an allergy I don't touch them but if it's just a dietary preference or mild intolerance where the small risk of cross contamination will not cause an issue I will take the order.

@shrodingersbiscuit sadly I work in a completely different field nowadays, unless you want a wedding cake 😂

I do wonder what all the people criticising dietary preferences on here would think if there were 3 pregnant guests sticking to the guidelines.

Would that be OK or could they eat boiled brown rice too ?

@Kissthepastrychef

I do wonder what all the people criticising dietary preferences on here would think if there were 3 pregnant guests sticking to the guidelines.

Would that be OK or could they eat boiled brown rice too ?

Dietary preference isn't the same as something you're not eating as it's not recommended due to risks. So I don't like sprouts, dietary preference. I'm pregnant so no rare steak, not a dietary preference.

@Kissthepastrychef

Why not just leave the celery? My husband absolutely loathes celery. He can tell if I put it in something, believe me I thought it was ridiculous but he could always tell even in bolognese. If he was served a salad with celery in it would spoil the flavour for him and would not enjoy the dish he had paid for. He's not generally fussy in any way and will eat pretty much anything to avoid throwing it away but he has a complete blind spot with celery

I am like your husband in that I absolutely loathe celery too. I even hate the smell of it. The taste is bitter horror. However, at an event like a wedding I would just accept the dish put in front of me with the celery in it and if it was in a hot dish with cooked celery in a sauce, I would just pick it out (it's easy to spot because of the grooves). In a salad, I would also just pick it out, and put extra dressing or black pepper on to cover any lingering flavour where the bits of celery may have touched a lettuce leaf or whatever.

Seriously, I HATE celery, but I'm also an adult now and will just work round things and get on with it (as a teen I probably would have just left the whole thing, claiming it was "tainted" ). Perhaps nowadays you might notice me having a drink between mouthfuls, but I wouldn't DREAM of making a huge fuss when someone was kind enough to cater for me, and to actually claim I was allergic to it after receiving a wedding invitation is downright deceitful and a bit unhinged in my view.

Neither would my husband, as I have explained repeatedly

Waitstaff must have not even looked

Similar stuff has happened to me over the years. Sometimes you get waiters who don't even know what's in the food they serve and when I ask if it has egg in it, they say, "Oh, it shouldn't do!" quite breezily like it's no big deal.

That's not good enough! Just find out and say yes or no, so I can know whether I'm going to be sick or not!

It drives me mad. The food industry generally seems to take food poisoning a lot more seriously than allergies. They both have the same risks - making people ill and in a handful of cases, killing them. There should be more repercussions for causing people to be sick. It only seems to be taken seriously if it kills someone.

People who don't understand allergies & intolerances seem to have a similar attitude. I'm sure a couple would be horrified if their wedding food had caused food poisoning/vomiting/diarrhoea in some of their guests, but apparently if you're allergic or intolerant to something that will cause you those same symptoms then it's not worth bothering about, you're just being fussy.