RSVP to wedding with pretend allergies!

[TheBirdIsTheWord]

NC as this is outing!

We've had a few RSVPs back for our wedding and suddenly all the 'allergies' are crawling out of the woodworks! So far we have cream, mushrooms, nuts, peppers, chilli and cheese and more!

Whilst some of them I know are genuine and we are of course accommodating them, others I know for a fact are BS because I've seen them eat these things regularly and be absolutely fine. It's frustrating because the most affordable option for catering to a large group of people all being served at the same time was to have a set menu. It's impossible to plan a set menu that accommodates every single person and to serve these individuals something different tailored to them will cost us extra per person on top of the set price. We're happy to do that for genuine allergies but not for people who we know are making it up. It feels like people are just saying they have allergies without caring about how inconvenient it is for us to rearrange the menu so they don't have to eat a mushroom or whatever. We are providing canapes, a three course meal, and a buffet, (and cake!!) so if they dont like one thing there'll be other options.

I dont really know what to do, I dont know whether to just ignore the silly ones that I know aren't true. I dont want to argue with anyone. I'm really surprised and disappointed with how many people are making things up as if they think I'm a bit thick and wont realize, or they just dont gaf about being unnecessarily difficult.

Is it U to reply and say 'we'll try to accommodate your allergy but in an catering environment cross contamination is always a risk. It would be useful to know where you keep your epipen in case of emergency?'

Very good point @pigeonpocket.

@adrianmolesmole

Waitstaff must have not even looked

Similar stuff has happened to me over the years. Sometimes you get waiters who don't even know what's in the food they serve and when I ask if it has egg in it, they say, "Oh, it shouldn't do!" quite breezily like it's no big deal.

That's not good enough! Just find out and say yes or no, so I can know whether I'm going to be sick or not!

I often didn't know what everything was in the food, but that's when people are supposed to use the brain and do "I am not sure, but I will dash back quickly and ask the chefs. Is there anything else you would like me to ask about while there?" Simple.

Shit service that

@Slothsloths

So you might think “I’ve seen her eating pears” but that particular pear was safe for me.
Am I reading this right, you are saying you are allergic to pears but can eat certain varieties without having allergic reaction?

@IrmaFayLear

If a dear friend has a food issue, then of course one wants to do your best, and in fact you would most likely know that they have an allergy or severe intolerance.

But to be frank having to go to great lengths to accommodate Auntie Janet’s new man friend’s self-diagnosed allergies would be annoying. I sat next to a D-list guest at a wedding who had a special meal due to his multiple food issues (which he told me about -great). He was a grumpy bugger and only there because he was the plus one of the mother of the bride’s best friend.

A D list guest? One you are allowed to poison?

[quote SteppedOnBloodyLego]@Slothsloths

So you might think “I’ve seen her eating pears” but that particular pear was safe for me.
Am I reading this right, you are saying you are allergic to pears but can eat certain varieties without having allergic reaction?[/quote]
Yes, it's not an anaphylactic food allergy but something called oral allergy syndrome. If I eat certain types of pears I am absolutely fine whereas other varieties make my tongue and throat swell up. I know it sounds odd but it's true. It also makes it difficult to answer "What are you allergic to?" because it's complicated and boring for other people.

Sorry forgot to say this is also what someone else referred to above, where I could have cooked tomatoes but not raw.

The thing is, people act quite strangely around weddings. People who, having been invited to a party, wouldn’t dream of getting shirty because some other, random, relative isn’t invited or it doesn’t start until 3pm will start doing just that when the party becomes a wedding. It’s the same with food.

I don’t have much of a view on whether the food allergies are allergies or preferences - I’ve heard of people having a serious allergy to garden peas. Is it the sort of wedding where you just pass the food allergy list on to your caterer and see what they suggest?

Always carry snacks! To travel snackless is to travel hungry! I am always with snacks in every bag/pocket!

If I'm honest @shrodingersbiscuit that is my general approach to life too. Complain you're hungry in my presence and you'll be offered some mini chocolate covered rice cakes or fruit paws (yes, I know they're for babies but they're a great healthy snack to keep in your bag) or, if you're lucky, some homemade gluten free baking.

@readingismycardio

What a nightmare! I'm allergic to nuts, but they're easy to avoid and spot too! (Actually only tree nuts). An allergy to chilli sounds odd, though!

Why odd? I'm allergic to chilli. It causes me no end of problems because it a) seems to be in bloody everything, b) isn't on the list of allergens that you legally have to highlight, and c) people assume I just don't like spicy food. Capsaicin is also in quite a few creams so I have to be really careful if I'm prescribed anything for my skin too!

I've been hospitalised twice because people have said something didn't have chilli in it when it did. "But it's not that hot"/"It was only sweet chilli". Luckily, I haven't (yet) had an anaphylactic reaction; I come out in an awful rash and have what is essentially an asthma attack (though I don't have asthma), but it is still serious and gets worse every time I'm 'accidentally' exposed.

I'm sure the caterer will be used to it.

We had loads of imaginary allergies at our wedding. One friend of mine wanted gluten free, nut free vegan menu and was surprised when she got loads of veg and potatoes. I had warned her what the caterers had planned but she insisted. On the day, she liked the look of the vegetarian main and asked for that instead which they confirmed had nuts, gluten and dairy. They had to ask the best man who said fine and it ended up costing us an extra £25. She also had a buffet section to herself and a separate bread bowl with gluten free rolls, none of it was touched.

A few egg allergies too, most of whom tried the egg based desert.

The one person with a serious allergy never made a fuss.

One thing can be tricky to explain is a low tyramine/low pressor amine diet. Had such fun having to explain to caterers that I needed a gluten free, low pressor amine, low sugar meal, low caffeine and low alcohol, when the standard and delicious-looking meal they served was generally along the lines of fancy cheese salad starter, then game/fermented beancurd/textured gluten with sweet fruity sauce, then fancy cake, served with wine or fruit juice and coffee afterwards. No, I couldn't get out of these meals. Yes, I generally ended up with leaves for starter, sauceless vegetables/potato for main, world's most depressing fruit salad for dessert (not even any cream!), and several glasses of water.

All these things were medically indicated, not fads or pickiness. Bloody nightmare.

Not forgetting inconvenient diets like low cholesterol/low fat for medical reasons such as stroke or gallstones @FrankensteinIsTheMonster. I think people that scoff at dietary needs are just lucky not to have any themselves and don't realise or have any empathy with those that do

Have you even asked the caterers OP? If they are any good they will be used to this and will be able to provide the main dishes you want, but also do tailored plates for those who can't eat the standard meals. This may cost a little more but not a huge amount compared to the total cost of the wedding. If it is a sit down meal with a table plan a decent caterer will ensure the special meals go to those who have requested them so they can't change their mind if they suddenly decide they aren't allergic.

Also I never understand why a decent caterer, instead of trying to think of something, wouldn't just approach the guest abd say "we have no idea what to give you as we've never heard of your requirements, could you give us some ideas"

The above was to you @FrankensteinIsTheMonster

Dh has to have a very low salt diet. It’s a nightmare but he knows that if he eats salty food he will be ill the next day.

It’s a nightmare when out. We’ve not actually been to any functions since he was taken ill.

Yep kiss, andyou feel like such a twat when you have to ask for something that sounds like a list of sleb-inspired faddiness 😂 I always tried to be clear that the only cross-contact concern was gluten and everything else was okay in small quantities, but it's hard to know how much is going in…

Technically I was meant to monitor salt intake too, but I ended up eating so little during these meals it didn't end up mattering 😂

DD is coeliac and we have to put up with a family member who is ‘avoiding gluten’. She refuses to eat places ‘because of gluten’ even though these are places I know are good and Coeliac U.K. approved.
When you are in her house she eats loads of things that actually contain gluten and eats Chinese takeaways and chips from her local chippy. Then always says ‘why can’t DD have it, I’m fine with it’.
She decided one of her children couldn’t eat dairy one time. Made a huge fuss over the main course and then orders him ice cream for pudding.

It’s people like that who make the catering industry not take allergies seriously.

@FrankensteinIsTheMonster so I googled your special requirements (call it ex-professional curiosity) and it seemed there are plenty of things you can eat. I do think a lot of "chefs" out there lack any imagination or ability to make things nice when not relying on their staples of dairy, meat, bread. Anything tastes nice if you cover it In butter...
For me the way a kitchen deals with special diets shows whether they are any cop professionally.

Gosh. Reading all this makes me glad that my DD is "just" a coeliac. And that its been diagnosed and medically confirmed. The poor people who have to deal with a myriad of changing allergies over the years and so called "friends" who don't believe them

I think the most challenging meal I ever did though was one at home where one friend is allergic to fish and shellfish, one was dairy free, one was observing pregnancy guidelines very carefully. I'm not sure what we ended up having now but I do remember it was quite a mind bender thinking of something tasty we could all eat !

@Slothsloths wow I've never heard of oral allergy syndrome, I think I have it too. I've always reacted to raw apples, pears, cherries, peas and some other raw fruits/veggies. Too random to list. My throat itches inside and feels uncomfortable, and I have to take am allergy pill. I always thought it was just me sensitive to certain pesticides or something, didn't know it was a named condition.

My other half is allergic to rapeseed oil, which is a nightmare for him as it's usually disguised as just "vegetable oil". Some veg oils are made up of soybean oil (which he can have), rapeseed, or both. He has to ask everywhere he goes what oil they use. Most cafes and places have never even thought of what oil they use! It's just taken for granted. I do feel for him. It's in everything, and is not one of the listed allergens.

He was also allergic to chili (hives) for a long while, but recently he did a colon cleanse treatment and now he doesn't seem to be allergic to it anymore! So weird.

kiss yep lots of lovely things but sadly didn't fit well with what the kitchen was able to accommodate… I take different medications now and don't have to bother about the pressor amines part of it any more, which is a relief because at least most people have heard of gluten free/low sugar.

@FrankensteinIsTheMonster

One thing can be tricky to explain is a low tyramine/low pressor amine diet. Had such fun having to explain to caterers that I needed a gluten free, low pressor amine, low sugar meal, low caffeine and low alcohol, when the standard and delicious-looking meal they served was generally along the lines of fancy cheese salad starter, then game/fermented beancurd/textured gluten with sweet fruity sauce, then fancy cake, served with wine or fruit juice and coffee afterwards. No, I couldn't get out of these meals. Yes, I generally ended up with leaves for starter, sauceless vegetables/potato for main, world's most depressing fruit salad for dessert (not even any cream!), and several glasses of water.

All these things were medically indicated, not fads or pickiness. Bloody nightmare.

If you came to me with that one (and I'll admit I've never heard of pressor amines) my conversation would revolve around what you can eat, with the menu checked with you afterwards in case I'd missed something.