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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son wants GF to stay over.....

234 replies

steinber · 02/06/2021 11:46

My son is 17 his GF 16. They've been together almost a year though the pandemic did restrict them from seeing each other for a while. They are both sensible but young for their age. I'm not aware of there being a ongoing sexual relationship. Is it really any of my business? He's our first born so this situation is new to us.

Today my son asked if his GF can stay over on Friday night. Im sure he means in with him and not the guest room! I'm not entirely comfortable about it. We have another child (11). I'm trying to be rational etc but can't really explain why I'm not ready for that to happen in my home yet. I need some advice and opinions. AIBU?

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 02/06/2021 12:36

It gives a bad example to younger children in the house. And encourages promiscuity.

fashionablefennel · 02/06/2021 12:37

Absolute no for me.

I am not having my youngest see a string of different girlfriends staying over.

neroforte · 02/06/2021 12:37

@Viviennemary

It gives a bad example to younger children in the house. And encourages promiscuity.
LMAO Grin fair enough
fashionablefennel · 02/06/2021 12:37

because when you say yes for one, you can't say no for the next...

neroforte · 02/06/2021 12:37

@fashionablefennel

Absolute no for me.

I am not having my youngest see a string of different girlfriends staying over.

they've been together a year.
scrambledcustard · 02/06/2021 12:37

It's a no from me.

The are both probably still in school and need that cut off from each other. This relationship might not last and will the other GF be expected to stay over too? Then the next and the next? Its not fair on your younger child either.

Also why are teenagers classed only as adults when they start having sex? He is 17 - she is 16. They are not adults.

I never let any lads stay over. Dd1 is 25 now and isn't disturbed or damaged by it. She is an adult now and if she was to bring her boyfriend with her when she visited she would be allowed.

IHaveBrilloHair · 02/06/2021 12:37

I allowed it, they've now been together four years and lived together for two.

Horehound · 02/06/2021 12:38

Well, they will have sex.tbh I remember my parents and BF parents doing the same putting us in different rooms at night time. Didn't make a difference we still had sex.
I think I'd prefer to know it's been done in a safe environment and provide condoms or something!

daisyjgrey · 02/06/2021 12:39

@Viviennemary

It gives a bad example to younger children in the house. And encourages promiscuity.
URGH
Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/06/2021 12:40

@Viviennemary

It gives a bad example to younger children in the house. And encourages promiscuity.
You know they will just have sex elsewhere.
daisyjgrey · 02/06/2021 12:41

I would be ok with this. I would have a quick "is this ok with you?" conversation with her parents, just so everyone is on the same page.

scrambledcustard · 02/06/2021 12:45

I think I'd prefer to know it's been done in a safe environment and provide condoms or something!

If your children are mature enough to start having sex then surely they are old enough to procure their own contraption? If they are too embarrassed to be able to do that they need their mother to be buying condoms they absolutely should not be having sex.

RipplesBips · 02/06/2021 12:45

@Viviennemary

It gives a bad example to younger children in the house. And encourages promiscuity.
Hahahahhahahhahahahahahhahahahahahaahhahaa
fashionablefennel · 02/06/2021 12:46

they've been together a year.

so what? the last thing I'd ever encourage is a 17 year old to go into a serious relationship!

Too young to bring GF home, but too young to settle too.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/06/2021 12:46

@scrambledcustard

It's a no from me.

The are both probably still in school and need that cut off from each other. This relationship might not last and will the other GF be expected to stay over too? Then the next and the next? Its not fair on your younger child either.

Also why are teenagers classed only as adults when they start having sex? He is 17 - she is 16. They are not adults.

I never let any lads stay over. Dd1 is 25 now and isn't disturbed or damaged by it. She is an adult now and if she was to bring her boyfriend with her when she visited she would be allowed.

Same could be said for any adult relationship though.
SleepingStandingUp · 02/06/2021 12:48

If you agree to it i'd explain that as she isn't an adult you need approval from her parents so can you have their number please? Then call them in from of him and ask if they're ok with her sleeping over. Saves the drama later when it turns out she's meant to be at her friend's house instead ...

MaMaD1990 · 02/06/2021 12:48

@Viviennemary

It gives a bad example to younger children in the house. And encourages promiscuity.
Hmm not necessarily! I know a girl who's parents never let any boy sleep over...she found a fair few other places to have sex and with many many boys! I think she ended up as a stripper for a short time, actually.
Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/06/2021 12:48

@fashionablefennel

they've been together a year.

so what? the last thing I'd ever encourage is a 17 year old to go into a serious relationship!

Too young to bring GF home, but too young to settle too.

This makes no sense. You don't want a "string of girlfriends" round but you also don't want them to have a serious relationship. What do you expect, celibacy?
fashionablefennel · 02/06/2021 12:48

@scrambledcustard

I think I'd prefer to know it's been done in a safe environment and provide condoms or something!

If your children are mature enough to start having sex then surely they are old enough to procure their own contraption? If they are too embarrassed to be able to do that they need their mother to be buying condoms they absolutely should not be having sex.

not a risk I would be willing to take!

And I think 17 is fine to have sex, but far too young to be "serious", but even if they were too immature to have sex, how would you police it?
At that age, should or should not makes 0 difference, you won't lock them in.

I would still not allow a sleepover with the GF though.

NameyNameyNameChangey · 02/06/2021 12:48

Up to you, it's your house.

CornishGem1975 · 02/06/2021 12:49

If you're not comfortable, then it's up to you, it's your home.

FWIW, I stayed over at my boyfriend's house when we were that age. I practically lived there, his poor parents never saw the back of me.

AntiWorkBrigade · 02/06/2021 12:49

I don’t think anyone should have to be made to feel uncomfortable in their own home, so if that’s how you feel (even if you can’t identify why), it’s perfectly valid to say no. I would couch it in those terms so it’s obvious you don’t think they’d be doing anything ‘wrong’’.

Maybe if she spends more time with you as a family - visiting during the day, staying overnight in the spare room - you’ll feel able to say yes after a while. I don’t imagine you can know her well if they’ve been together over the last year. Could some of this be about having a stranger in the house?

malificent7 · 02/06/2021 12:49

Well they arebold enough to get married and it's the age of consent so not sure why some say its not old enough. They will be shagging elsewhere anyway ( i certainly was!)but i understand why it feels weird for parents m

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 02/06/2021 12:50

@Viviennemary

It gives a bad example to younger children in the house. And encourages promiscuity.
Are you posting from the Victorian era? Confused
ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 02/06/2021 12:50

I would say no. She is too young and tbh I wouldn’t want to encourage an intense relationship at that age.

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