[quote Unlovedandinsecure]@JinglingHellsBells I’ve been very honest in my posts. The point I have made to him is that it is important for our relationship to be ‘official’ and legal as at the moment we have all this shared life and children and yet we aren’t related. If anything happened to either of us then it would fall to our adult child to deal with as NOK. His response is it’s not something he had ever thought about and he has been perfectly happy.
That is where we clash as he was told what I wanted years ago and he couldn’t give any answer as to why he has not either set a date or told me it’s never happening. His latest excuse is Covid - he couldn’t answer me when asked about the years before the pandemic. Though as far as I’m aware (which I told him) marriages were still taking place albeit very small.
I know we can sort out wills etc. but they would entail me accepting never being married and it is something I want. For myriad reasons I’ve always neglected my own needs and don’t wish to do so any longer.
As I’ve said, it just requires a simple yes let’s do it or no, move on. I don’t believe for a minute that a grown man with two decades to make his mind up cannot do so.
For what it’s worth, he seems very content and said he doesn’t want to grow old alone but equally I won’t devote the rest of my life to a man who just wants a girlfriend.[/quote]
You don't need to be married to have a will. Everyone ought to make a will, single or not, children or none. You can go out this week to see a solicitor and make a will. You could leave all you have to your kids or to a charity. You don't need to be married to do this. If you do marry, you can change your will.
I can't help but wonder why you are focusing in your posts on the practical side of things as the reason to marry, when it's clear that it's an emotional issue foremost for you.
The issue of your adult children having to deal with things- well, yes, that's what adult children do, eventually because one day both parents will die.
If you make your own will, you can name anyone - including a solicitor - to act as an executor, so your children escape that duty. Or you can choose a friend, or a sibling, or anyone who is happy to do it.
You can also have a Power of Attorney which means the named people ( more than two) can make decisions on your behalf if you are incapable.
You seem to be equating not wanting to be married with not loving you. And saying your are his girlfriend rather than the partner of his children who has lived with him for many years happy to be just that, is really inaccurate.
You say you have neglected your own needs. What are they?
How do they come into of being married or not?
Do you love him? Sorry but it sounds as if you don't. It sounds as if the status of marriage is more what you want.