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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset at my dp reaction when he saw his ex at our house?

417 replies

Momto2girliess · 01/06/2021 15:34

Long time reader but first time poster. DP and I been together for 7 years , and have 2 children. His ex wife and him have 2 kids together and get along well. She often comes over with her husband.

I am a Sahm , so when his kids are there - every other week- I take care of them. He leaves at 6 and comes back at 7. The DC are 11 and 8. Their mom often babysits my 2 kids , and I babysit for her 2 toddlers.

Last night, she was with me and all the kids. DP got home and when she left he got very angry front of the children. " She is my ex, not yours!!" He went on to say that from now on he doesn't want our 2 kids to see her ,or for me to babysit for her other children.

He asks me to delete her phone number, and that he will take care of everything for his DC ( dropping them back, picking them up to their mom's) but somehow he still wants me to take care of them when they are there.

I am so surprised , I thought he liked his new and old partners to get along. He reminded me this morning " Don't talk to X , she is not the mom of your kids". I had no idea he felt that way. Everytime she was over with her husband he seemed to have enjoyed it

Aibu to be upset?

OP posts:
waitingforthenextseason · 01/06/2021 17:22

I'd tell him to be careful, he might have 2 exes soon if he doesn't cease the shitty attitude of his.

Sometimesfraught82 · 01/06/2021 17:24

@Velvian

It sounds like you and his ex have a brilliant set up. It's lovely that that all the DCs get to mix all together with their joint half siblings. It must benefit the children massively.

Surely that is the most important thing. I would carry as you are until he actually tells you what he has a bee in his bonnet about.

Surely it’s more important that the OP and DP’s relationship has a “brilliant” set up?
MegaClutterSlut · 01/06/2021 17:24

Before I even read the replies my first thought that he is hiding something. Could be something minor but his reaction is weird imo

Ickythefirebobby · 01/06/2021 17:26

@Momto2girliess

I want to text her and ask her to be honest
I wonder whether something has gone on and he’s trying to keep you and her apart so the truth doesn’t come out.
C0nstance · 01/06/2021 17:26

@RickiTarr

Could there be something he has hidden from you that she could tell you? Why is he suddenly frightened of you spending time together? How long have you and her been friendly before this tantrum?
My thoughts too. His worlds might collide
HollowTalk · 01/06/2021 17:30

All these women looking after his kids and he's kicking and screaming like a child. Speak to her tomorrow, OP, and ask her to be honest with you.

Original poster
Momto2girliess · 01/06/2021 17:42

Thank you all for your messages.

-They ended the marriage because he wanted to. He was no longer in love. That is the version I have.

  • When I was ill , he asked her to take care of our kids without my knowledge. I forgave him, because he was not able to cope. Maybe I was wrong...
  • We weren't spending the evening together, she was having a coffee with me while her children where getting ready to go.
  • The past 6 years, everything was fine. Went on vacation together , her and husband came most weekends to ours. He is the ONE who arranged all this.
  • She has been texting me all day ( I feel like he told her something because she keeps asking me if I am mad at her) and I asked her if she knows anything about this. Now I am waiting for her to reply.
OP posts:
Blossomandbee · 01/06/2021 17:43

This literally makes no sense.
I agree that it sounds like he's suddenly panicking about something, such as her telling you something.
I would want to speak to her too, and over the phone to judge her reaction.

WorraLiberty · 01/06/2021 17:44

She has been texting me all day ( I feel like he told her something because she keeps asking me if I am mad at her) and I asked her if she knows anything about this. Now I am waiting for her to reply.

For goodness sake just ring her.

GreyStep · 01/06/2021 17:45

OP, you really sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with her, and on behalf of yours and their kids Thankyou for that. Having seen so many kids get played between parents.

I would just pick up the phone and ask her, as you have a good relationship with her to do so. Something he is trying to hide.

Original poster
Momto2girliess · 01/06/2021 17:46

It may sounds weird to some, but I have no family. I left everything for him. His ex has honestly been a very good friend to me. He too was happy with the situation. He organised trips, meetings etc... Told him for the beginning that having a good relationship with his ex was important.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 01/06/2021 17:46

Does he always have to be in control?

BlueDaises · 01/06/2021 17:49

its so strange admittedly 🌸

Muchmorethan · 01/06/2021 17:50

Why is she asking if you're mad at her?

AgathaAllAlong · 01/06/2021 17:50

Another one wondering what he's afraid you'll find out...

Sometimesfraught82 · 01/06/2021 17:51

@Momto2girliess

It may sounds weird to some, but I have no family. I left everything for him. His ex has honestly been a very good friend to me. He too was happy with the situation. He organised trips, meetings etc... Told him for the beginning that having a good relationship with his ex was important.
Were you babysitting? Or weee you spending evening together?
emmetgirl · 01/06/2021 17:52

That's ridiculous! Surely it's better for everyone- especially the kids- if everyone gets on??

Devlesko · 01/06/2021 17:53

Please tell me you don't let him order you around like this.
Tell him he'll be minding his own kids from now on, refuse to do it, better still leave the dictator.
Sounds like he's scared of what she might be telling you. Hmm

Bobbiebigbum · 01/06/2021 17:53

Haha he's not in control and he's threatened you may form an alliance. What a twat.

Original poster
Momto2girliess · 01/06/2021 17:53

Sometimesfraught82

She was picking up her kids and having a coffee while they were getting ready

OP posts:
CandidaAlbicans2 · 01/06/2021 17:53

She has been texting me all day ( I feel like he told her something because she keeps asking me if I am mad at her) and I asked her if she knows anything about this. Now I am waiting for her to reply

If I were you I'd call her rather than try and solve this via text. There is too much chance of misinterpretation via text.

Greenrubber · 01/06/2021 17:54

Very strange it's all out of the blue

And why would you be mad at her?

TeachesOfPeaches · 01/06/2021 17:54

Sounds like something might have happened between them recently and he doesn't want you to find out

5475878237NC · 01/06/2021 17:54

This sounds like you have a lovely relationship you have both cultivated with each other as mums over many years.

My suspicion is there is something else going on and he is taking it out on your relationship with his kids mother. Could it be that he is starting to feel the same way about you and is worried she'll notice if you open to her eg. "Yes he was like that with me in the end...before he left and got with you a year later...." Maybe he doesn't want warning bells going off ?

Or he has something against her husband all of a sudden?

Or one or both of them have something on him that has only just come to his attention eg one of them have seen him up to something he shouldn't be and he is panicking?

Something fishy I think.

Grizalda · 01/06/2021 17:54

- She has been texting me all day ( I feel like he told her something because she keeps asking me if I am mad at her) and I asked her if she knows anything about this. Now I am waiting for her to reply.

My immediate thought on reading this is that there has been a "pass" made by one of them.