Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be upset at my dp reaction when he saw his ex at our house?

417 replies

Momto2girliess · 01/06/2021 15:34

Long time reader but first time poster. DP and I been together for 7 years , and have 2 children. His ex wife and him have 2 kids together and get along well. She often comes over with her husband.

I am a Sahm , so when his kids are there - every other week- I take care of them. He leaves at 6 and comes back at 7. The DC are 11 and 8. Their mom often babysits my 2 kids , and I babysit for her 2 toddlers.

Last night, she was with me and all the kids. DP got home and when she left he got very angry front of the children. " She is my ex, not yours!!" He went on to say that from now on he doesn't want our 2 kids to see her ,or for me to babysit for her other children.

He asks me to delete her phone number, and that he will take care of everything for his DC ( dropping them back, picking them up to their mom's) but somehow he still wants me to take care of them when they are there.

I am so surprised , I thought he liked his new and old partners to get along. He reminded me this morning " Don't talk to X , she is not the mom of your kids". I had no idea he felt that way. Everytime she was over with her husband he seemed to have enjoyed it

Aibu to be upset?

OP posts:
Spidey66 · 02/06/2021 17:37

It sounds like you have a mature relationship with her, which surely benefits all the children.

He's being an idiot. I bet there are loads of blended/step families who would give their eye tooth for the sort of relationship you have.

CandyLeBonBon · 02/06/2021 17:51

None of it makes sense!

Sometimesfraught82 · 02/06/2021 17:53

@CandyLeBonBon

None of it makes sense!
This
Looubylou · 02/06/2021 18:47

I agree none of this makes sense and worryingly you seem accepting of your lot OP. I hope you and your children have a better future than this incident hints at.

DeepThinkingGirl · 02/06/2021 19:12

Omg. I hope your OK OP. You’re DH is emotionally abusive if not more

EmeraldShamrock · 02/06/2021 20:07

He is terrified you'll hear further information on his history of lying.
It stinks.
I hope you're okay.

CharlotteRose90 · 02/06/2021 21:51

I think he’s still In love with his ex sorry and using you as a nanny. He wants to play happy families with his ex in the hope she’ll take him back.

He’s a complete and utter scumbag and you deserve so much better

BillyTodd · 02/06/2021 21:53

"that's a lie too. Would you like a third lie or is two enough?"

Hertsgirl10 · 02/06/2021 22:00

He sounds very controlling, I hope that you’re able to make some friendships outside of his circle.

How old are your children? Can you join baby groups in your area?

Stay friendly with the ex. It sounds like he wanted to have you friendly with her so to be able to control your friendship but now it’s out of his control as you’re becoming much closer than he expected.. add in that she knows him very well & could tell you things or advise you when she starts to see the signs. Or she’s confronted him about how he is with you.

Of you are on the UK? There is a lot of support for women in these situations.

Control never comes from a good place.

JewelGarden · 02/06/2021 22:04

'She is really the only friend I have, because my dp doesn't like me to be out. I have a medical condition and if I am out he harasses me to see if I am fine. So it comes from good heart.'

Major red flags OP. It doesn't come from a good heart. He likes you to be trapped. He doesn't want you having this one solitary friend.

Boonlark · 02/06/2021 22:31

He started by telling you to stay away from her and not babysit her dc. So his new lie about wanting you to babysit so he can have adult time, doesn't tie in with that.

If his new lie were true, he wouldn't have needed to badmouth you to his ex.

What it all points to is him trying to isolate you. Him trying to stop you having her as your friend...because this new lie means that you don't get to see her anymore - he'll be the one going out with them both.

Even if all that weren't the case (and I think you know it is) he lied to you and to her.

buckeejit · 02/06/2021 23:16

Ugh. The latest excuse would be shit if it's true but worse that he makes a lie that still shows he thinks of you as an object.

Panaesthesia · 03/06/2021 06:42

So, a scumbag who doesn't want to look after his own children or for you to have any friends.

He doesn't sound worth the hassle.

eatsleepread · 03/06/2021 06:55

That's a shame. I think it's lovely that you both get on, and such a good example for the children.

Ohffsnotthisagain · 03/06/2021 07:09

No, this is all just weird Hmm Racking my brains to come up with why he’d say/do all that and react so bizarrely.
It’s not some kind of weird sexual triangle thingy is it???
I just can’t work out what he’s at at all .... Confused

Bluntness100 · 03/06/2021 07:10

@Momto2girliess

Hi everyone

He denied everything and I asked his ex to confront him on the phone. He admitted that he lied about me to her , and his reason for wanting to meet up with them without me is : " Because I am tired of being with the children , I need adult time. So I was thinking you could look after the children ( so all 6) while we are out"....

😱

That’s shocking.

MadeForThis · 04/06/2021 13:02

So first he said you weren't allowed to look after the ex's kids. Now his plan was that you would look after the ex's kids while they all went out.

Bullshit. He can't even lie convincingly.

Original poster
Momto2girliess · 07/06/2021 01:17

He tried to hit on her. She showed me all the texts. Dozens and dozens of messages of him " I STILL LOVE YOU".

I decided to go back to Madagascar.

OP posts:
BlueButtercups · 07/06/2021 01:26

OMFG OP I am so sorry 😔

What are you going to do 🌸

greyinganddecaying · 07/06/2021 01:26

I'm so sorry OP. Does he know you're going? Will there be any problem taking the children?

BlueButtercups · 07/06/2021 01:27

Sorry I see you ARE going home.

Good on you lady, you stay safe 🌷🌸

Greenbks · 07/06/2021 02:04

Oh no I was hoping this wasn’t going to lead to this. I’m so sorry.

Why did she not tell you this before?! Why did she hide it. I suppose it’s pointless now but she should have said something when you first asked her which makes me think she might feel the same or have been trying to hide something.

Either way this is shit and you deserve someone who loves the amazing person YOU are. He is a fool and won’t realise until later what he is missing.

Ps on advise on leaving- have you told him? Is there a chance of this becoming nasty? If so, maybe you should hold off telling him and see if you can make the arrangements first and have support should you need it. Please don’t underestimate what he might be capable of especially if you are taking the kids

RonSwansonsChair · 07/06/2021 07:15

I'm sorry OP, that's shit.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 07/06/2021 07:16

Oh bless you! What an absolute piece of shit he is.
Good luck with the Madagascar return.
X

Luddite26 · 07/06/2021 07:20

If you are leaving make sure yours and your children's passports and birth certificates etc are hidden where you know they are under the carpet under a childs bed or somewhere
Sorry OP good luck. Stay safe.