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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset at my dp reaction when he saw his ex at our house?

417 replies

Momto2girliess · 01/06/2021 15:34

Long time reader but first time poster. DP and I been together for 7 years , and have 2 children. His ex wife and him have 2 kids together and get along well. She often comes over with her husband.

I am a Sahm , so when his kids are there - every other week- I take care of them. He leaves at 6 and comes back at 7. The DC are 11 and 8. Their mom often babysits my 2 kids , and I babysit for her 2 toddlers.

Last night, she was with me and all the kids. DP got home and when she left he got very angry front of the children. " She is my ex, not yours!!" He went on to say that from now on he doesn't want our 2 kids to see her ,or for me to babysit for her other children.

He asks me to delete her phone number, and that he will take care of everything for his DC ( dropping them back, picking them up to their mom's) but somehow he still wants me to take care of them when they are there.

I am so surprised , I thought he liked his new and old partners to get along. He reminded me this morning " Don't talk to X , she is not the mom of your kids". I had no idea he felt that way. Everytime she was over with her husband he seemed to have enjoyed it

Aibu to be upset?

OP posts:
BlueDaises · 01/06/2021 16:22

He doesn't want you looking after kids that are nothing to do with You or Him..

I would absolutely insist on being given a reason for his decision, or I would refuse to engage in his demand, after all, it's not him doing the childcare.

If, however, you agree, to this demand, then HE needs to tell His Ex this, not you..

🌸

DeflatedGinDrinker · 01/06/2021 16:22

Theres something she could tell you that he doesn't want you to know. Maybe he texted her something inappropriate.

PixelatedLunchbox · 01/06/2021 16:23

I immediately thought exactly the same thing that @Triffid1 said:

"this smacks of him being terrified she'll tell you something about him that he doesn't want you to know"

HappydaysArehere · 01/06/2021 16:23

Tell her or else she will think you are being the difficult one. Explain it has nothing g to do with you.

MaybeCrazy2 · 01/06/2021 16:23

It’s weird. Not the situation, but the way he has reacted out of the blue. Did him and the ex row or sleep together lately?

Theunamedcat · 01/06/2021 16:26

How bizarre 🤔

AmyDudley · 01/06/2021 16:27

I would say to him that 'she's the mom of my kids not yours' is not an acceptable explanation it is nonsense. Unless he can give you a sensible reason fro not wanting you to see her then you will be ignoring him and doing whatever you like - he doesn;t get to say who you can be friends with.

Ultimately this sounds like a very nice, happy arrangement for your children and his - and a great example about how people can all get along together - surely he wants that for his children ?

I'd be inclined to ask her - there may be a very good reason he is her X, that he doesn't want you to know about.

Wanttocryatthecost · 01/06/2021 16:28

He’s either hiding something or insecure. If he dosnt want you to have any involvement either her where his kids are concerned tell him fine you won’t have any involvement at all and he can look after his kids with her, see how that goes down.

My ex hated me being friends with the mother of my DSD, turns out it was because he had something to hide, like a lot of the shit he told me about her wasn’t true and vice versa also that her and his entire family thought I was the reason they split because I was having an affair with him. Turns out I was but I had no idea. It was only after a few comments from his ex after we broke up and asked what she was implying that the whole thing came out.

SofiaMichelle · 01/06/2021 16:31

If you were to LTB his head might actually explode at the thought of having no control over you and his other ex meeting up with both sets of his kids.

Muchmorethan · 01/06/2021 16:31

So he is repeatedly stating that you are not the Mum of their children.... however he is very happy for you to be "Mum" every other week.

Think that needs pointing out...

He sounds like a complete fuckwit... why did him and his ex divorce?

Penistoe · 01/06/2021 16:35

I wonder if someone has been chatting in his ear. ‘Your ex and new partner are friends, how weird, aren’t you worried ex will slowly turn partner against you, bit by bit’ or something similar.

ArrrMeHearties · 01/06/2021 16:36

I'd be asking her if she knows anything as it sounds like it's came out of the blue. If you and her are still happy with the babysitting then I'd continue things as they are. Why should the collective dcs miss out because their dad is being a tube

Queenoftheashes · 01/06/2021 16:36

You should ask her. His behaviour is suspect and controlling

FatCatThinCat · 01/06/2021 16:36

My first thought is that she knows something he really, really doesn't want to you know. Something recent.

Cjp33 · 01/06/2021 16:39

@RickiTarr

Could there be something he has hidden from you that she could tell you? Why is he suddenly frightened of you spending time together? How long have you and her been friendly before this tantrum?
This is the first thing I thought when I read your post. Sounds like he's hiding something that his ex could blurt out, or ex has threatened to tell you something
Azerothi · 01/06/2021 16:39

@FatCatThinCat

My first thought is that she knows something he really, really doesn't want to you know. Something recent.
This. And,

as an aside why couldn't your boyfriend look after your children on his own when you were ill?

CallMeNutribullet · 01/06/2021 16:39

Why does he get to decide who you speak to?

DancesWithTortoises · 01/06/2021 16:39

@FatCatThinCat

My first thought is that she knows something he really, really doesn't want to you know. Something recent.
Yup.
honeygirlz · 01/06/2021 16:44

" She's the mom of my kids not youre". Nothing else.

Very strange choice of words, like he's jealous.

He doesn't get to dictate what you do. Tell him to look after his own kids from now on.

ButchersPleasure · 01/06/2021 16:44

I had to read this twice. It doesn't add up. Something strange going on IMO

DiscordandRhyme · 01/06/2021 16:46

Call me a cynic but I'd be thinking something has happened between them of an intimate nature recently and he fears she'll tell you.

Either they or he's afraid she'll tell you about some of his behaviour in their past relationship that could end/make yours struggle such as he took drugs, excessively drank, had an affair etc and it didn't bother him so much before as it was you looking after each other's kids but not together.

Bluntness100 · 01/06/2021 16:48

I’d definitely text her and ask what’s going on. She will know. Guaranteed.

She might not tell you. Or you might not want to know.

Branleuse · 01/06/2021 16:49

hes acting weird. Ask him why hes acting so weird and suspicious all of a sudden over some long lasting arrangement. He doesnt get to unanimously decide who you are friends with, without discussion or reason surely?

Sometimesfraught82 · 01/06/2021 16:49

Op

They are exes for a reason!!!

Fgs, respect that fact.

What I find baffling is that presumably you know why the relationship broke down irretrievably and yet you think this level of closeness would be welcomed by him.

Civil relations with ex is great. Friendly and supportive is even better. But what you have described - too much.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 01/06/2021 16:51

@Bluntness100

I’d definitely text her and ask what’s going on. She will know. Guaranteed.

She might not tell you. Or you might not want to know.

This.