To be upset at my dp reaction when he saw his ex at our house?

[Momto2girliess]

Long time reader but first time poster. DP and I been together for 7 years , and have 2 children. His ex wife and him have 2 kids together and get along well. She often comes over with her husband.

I am a Sahm , so when his kids are there - every other week- I take care of them. He leaves at 6 and comes back at 7. The DC are 11 and 8. Their mom often babysits my 2 kids , and I babysit for her 2 toddlers.

Last night, she was with me and all the kids. DP got home and when she left he got very angry front of the children. " She is my ex, not yours!!" He went on to say that from now on he doesn't want our 2 kids to see her ,or for me to babysit for her other children.

He asks me to delete her phone number, and that he will take care of everything for his DC ( dropping them back, picking them up to their mom's) but somehow he still wants me to take care of them when they are there.

I am so surprised , I thought he liked his new and old partners to get along. He reminded me this morning " Don't talk to X , she is not the mom of your kids". I had no idea he felt that way. Everytime she was over with her husband he seemed to have enjoyed it

Aibu to be upset?

Hi all, we've removed some posts from this thread which break Talk guidelines. Whilst it's fine to criticise advice given in posts, please be aware that any personal attacks or trollhunting will be removed.

Momto2girlies.
I hope you are ok.
I don't know your circumstances but feel a women's aid charity would help you best. There will be details on the internet. I feel you are pretty trapped and have no one to turn to. They will be able to help you.❤

I hope you are ok op, I imagine you must be feeling very confused and overwhelmed with everyone telling you that your partner is abusive. This kind of control is so subtle and it can be hard to see when your right In the middle of it,tread carefully as he's already got form for lying and could try to twist things. I agree with another poster, who said about joining groups etc to make some new friends ,this will make you will feel less isolated,and this ex sounds like a good friend to you too keep hold of that friendship. Hope you are doing ok lovely. X

Momto2girlies
I hope you are safe.
My advice is that you get someone (I do not mean a family friend) to check your phone, tablet and computer, and improve your privacy online.

I hope you are ok OP, this does not sound like a healthy relationship. Echo other PP’s who say you need help.

@RickiTarr

Could there be something he has hidden from you that she could tell you? Why is he suddenly frightened of you spending time together? How long have you and her been friendly before this tantrum?

Yep.

Sounds like this guy likes to control everyone here, where's the ex's husband in all this? Pretty strange that he willingly goes along with this set-up.
I think a previous posters suggestion of trying to get in touch with other Madagascan communities here in the UK if that's where you are now. Speak to your family back home, make connections and keep in touch, even for your children's sake it is important for them to know their extended family, you can't just drop everything and everyone for one person.

@MichaelMumsnet I understand why you’ve deleted some posts due to personal attacks but embedded in those posts was info highlighting why @BigHeadBertha was wrong.

It’s really important that abuse victims are not gaslit into believing nonsense. In the interests of fairness and balance would you consider deleting the offending posts containing dangerous advice?

This isn't a normal or reasonable reaction from him. He sounds awful, controlling and aggressive. You and his ex are being really mature and also doing what's best for all children involved. Why would you cut someone out of your life simply because your DP is having a tantrum for no clear reason? HE is BVVVVVU

@MichaelMumsnet

Hi all, we've removed some posts from this thread which break Talk guidelines. Whilst it's fine to criticise advice given in posts, please be aware that any personal attacks or trollhunting will be removed.

Shameful That poster’s advice is dangerous. They deserve to be called out. To delete those who are doing so yet leave Bertha’s up is dangerous and misguided.

Really, really concerning that posts explaining why the advice from @BigHeadBertha is dangerous have been removed en masse while the dangerous advice is left to stand.

I'm unsure exactly what was said in my deleted post as I contributed a number of times to the thread but can't imagine I broke talk guidelines.

This forum can provide important support to women in abusive relationships. This woman has been totally isolated and lied to repeatedly.

A poster advised she try marriage counselling and minimised the abusive behaviour. Others begged OP not to base their next steps on that advice. They've been deleted while the dangerous (literally) advice is left to stand. Baffling.

Id be very surprised if the ex doesnt distance herself from the drama after all. If that was me, id feel bad for the current wife, but id back right off

I vehemently disagree with BigHead but honestly what do people expect if they make personal attacks apart from being deleted? Some people are here to have a pile on rather than advise OP, else they would post to OP rather than MNHQ.

They can't delete posts if they're not breaking the rules and have a different opinion.

Wow-this is all so bizarre! What are you doing to do, @Momto2girliess?

BigHead's advice is extremely dangerous, no-one should have been deleted for pointing that out.

OP I hope you are ok. It might help to phone Women's Aid

Hi everyone

He denied everything and I asked his ex to confront him on the phone. He admitted that he lied about me to her , and his reason for wanting to meet up with them without me is : " Because I am tired of being with the children , I need adult time. So I was thinking you could look after the children ( so all 6) while we are out"....