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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset at my dp reaction when he saw his ex at our house?

417 replies

Momto2girliess · 01/06/2021 15:34

Long time reader but first time poster. DP and I been together for 7 years , and have 2 children. His ex wife and him have 2 kids together and get along well. She often comes over with her husband.

I am a Sahm , so when his kids are there - every other week- I take care of them. He leaves at 6 and comes back at 7. The DC are 11 and 8. Their mom often babysits my 2 kids , and I babysit for her 2 toddlers.

Last night, she was with me and all the kids. DP got home and when she left he got very angry front of the children. " She is my ex, not yours!!" He went on to say that from now on he doesn't want our 2 kids to see her ,or for me to babysit for her other children.

He asks me to delete her phone number, and that he will take care of everything for his DC ( dropping them back, picking them up to their mom's) but somehow he still wants me to take care of them when they are there.

I am so surprised , I thought he liked his new and old partners to get along. He reminded me this morning " Don't talk to X , she is not the mom of your kids". I had no idea he felt that way. Everytime she was over with her husband he seemed to have enjoyed it

Aibu to be upset?

OP posts:
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 02/06/2021 13:42

Well, you know that's a lie right? I mean that one would be enough of a reason for me to tell my husband to fuck off to some grotty little flat and never speak to me agaib, but the reality is far worse. He said you are not to look after the kids, remember? It's all a lie and it's all to isolate you.

MMMarmite · 02/06/2021 13:49

"So I was thinking you could look after the children ( so all 6) while we are out" Shock

Throckmorton · 02/06/2021 13:50

He's a complete lying bastard isn't he! I think I would be thinking about leaving him, as it's only going to get worse (and it's bad enough already!!). Hugs

Pickledpenguin · 02/06/2021 13:54

Absolute horseshite. He is using his ex and her husband as his allies and that is why he doesnt want you close to them. I am surprised it has taken this long. What a controlling arsehole.

CandyLeBonBon · 02/06/2021 13:57

@Momto2girliess

Hi everyone

He denied everything and I asked his ex to confront him on the phone. He admitted that he lied about me to her , and his reason for wanting to meet up with them without me is : " Because I am tired of being with the children , I need adult time. So I was thinking you could look after the children ( so all 6) while we are out"....

What. The. Actual. Fuck???
youvegottenminuteslynn · 02/06/2021 14:01

Wait so his excuse, the best excuse he could come up with, was that he wanted you to have to look after all the children so he can go out without the kids?! Am I getting that right?

Howshouldibehave · 02/06/2021 14:01

I need adult time. So I was thinking you could look after the children (so all 6) while we are out

To which you said?

Wiredforsound · 02/06/2021 14:03

Selfish, controlling, underhand, manipulative, gaslighting piece of shit. He sounds deranged and incoherent. If he’d really just wanted a night out he could have just asked. There’s something far more going on here.

TimeForTeaAndG · 02/06/2021 14:07

I really hope you said nothing and just icily stared at him after that comment, OP! What an absolute cunty thing to come up with, the live-in babysitter can do it while the grown-ups talk. Get fucked!

He's a dickhead.

Shutupyoutart · 02/06/2021 14:26

Wtf. That's a lie and if by the teeniest chance it is true why not just ask you ?instead of making a huge scene about you not being his kids mother,deleting the ex and then fabricating a lie that your a jealous psycho. He's a compulsive liar. Also IF and that's a big if it's the real reason then hee just expects you to look after all the kids so he can skip off out for me time. I'm willing to bet what his reaction would be if you pulled a stunt like that. Dickhead. I'm sorry op x

BlueButtercups · 02/06/2021 14:28

Shocking OP... I do hope you are not buying his calculating manipulative controlling lies 🙄

Feedingthebirds1 · 02/06/2021 14:39

So I was thinking you could look after the children ( so all 6) while we are out

Which is a complete contradiction to what he said at first.

Liar, liar, pants on fire...

billy1966 · 02/06/2021 15:05

OMG OP,

I hope the scales are falling from your eyes.

You do NOT know who you married.

Women's Aid will support you.

I wouldn't believe a work out of that controlling liars mouth.

Flowers
Chartreuse45 · 02/06/2021 15:08

How could he say that with a straight face. So far the following sums up your posts for me - "I have health problems. My husband is very caring and careful of my strength because of this. He leaves me with 6 children while he goes out for adult time with his ex and her husband." How does the last sentence fit?

SengaMac · 02/06/2021 15:22

None of what he says makes sense, especially when coupled with his temper tantrum.
This is a terrible situation for you, Momto2girliess. Even if this is glossed over, you now know how weird he can be and that he isn't the loving man you thought he was.
Do speak to Women's Aid.
Also, do you have any family or friends you can contact, for support?

VettiyaIruken · 02/06/2021 15:23

He is full of shit and dreadfully controlling.

Don't fool yourself that he doesn't want you going out because he cares.

It's because he wants you trapped.

Leaving you with all the kids is another way of doing that. It traps you at home while he goes out doing whatever.

ThePluckOfTheCoward · 02/06/2021 15:58

He is a lying arse. You know you can't ever trust him or anything that comes out of his mouth ever again.

mrscoxaools · 02/06/2021 16:05

Wow! He is a horror!

grapewine · 02/06/2021 16:11

Grade A bastard. He gets worse with every update.

What did you say?

PuffItsGone · 02/06/2021 16:15

Wtf this is mad. He sounds terrible

Marshy86 · 02/06/2021 16:23

His behaviour is so strange OP, and what about your adult time? Will he be offering you the same ?

LalalalalalaLand123 · 02/06/2021 16:52

Do I have this correct: your H wants you to look after 6 children, so that he can go out with his ex-W and her new DH on their own without you?
AND he made up lies about you to facilitate this?

OP it is all extremely bizarre. Bizarre in a very bad way. This man is bad, very very bad. Happiness is impossible with someone so awful and twisted. You need to leave him. I understand that you may not feel ready yet, but honestly it's just a matter of time. Or be treated like a doormat from now on. I'm so sorry OP, he is a Class A Knobhead.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 02/06/2021 16:56

PLUS as PP say, it totally contradicts what he said originally, that he didn't want you looking after all the kids, and to delete ex-W's number etc (why would you delete it if you're looking after her kids still). He sounds like a psycho, OP.

Dwrcegin · 02/06/2021 17:33

@Momto2girliess

Hi everyone

He denied everything and I asked his ex to confront him on the phone. He admitted that he lied about me to her , and his reason for wanting to meet up with them without me is : " Because I am tired of being with the children , I need adult time. So I was thinking you could look after the children ( so all 6) while we are out"....

Oh wow, you can look after all the kids. All 6 of them!

I'm sorry but that whole excuse wouldn't wash with me. He's been caught out and trying to weasel his way out of it.

Has he done this before (with others, not the ex) OP?

AlternativePerspective · 02/06/2021 17:37

Hang on this doesn’t make sense.

In the beginning he said he didn’t want you looking after the ex’s children any more, and now he does?

Added to which did he really think that having told the ex that you’re a jealous controlling bitch she would want to leave her kids with you?