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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

The “Cycling Send-Off Woman.” What the hell?

813 replies

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 16:41

Sorry if this sounds petty, but the most terrible woman came to my house yesterday and I still can’t believe the audacity of her. My husband is in a cycling training team and one of the things they do is meet at 7am on a Sunday morning at a cafe and then they go off out of London on their various routes. This has been going on years and they are basically cycling round the world in stages (as part of a larger group).

So apparently, this weekend was “our turn” to do lunch for this lot - a.k.a “my turn” (but don’t worry, I will not be making a habit of it). I was expecting about 8 who are all men, but this atrocious woman turned up in a sports car before them and was sitting on the drive waiting until they came. I thought she must be something to do with nextdoor (shared driveway), but when they showed up on the bikes she came in with them.

My husband was kind of mouthing, “sorry” to me and they all looked embarrassed. Then he tells me, he’s really sorry, but this is “the cycling send-off woman” Confused and today she has followed them in the car. So basically, I have since found out that this nut job of a woman seems to think she is in the cycling team and turns up at the crack of dawn when they meet and in all weathers, though she never actually cycles with them. Apparently, she always says she will join them one day, but never does. She doesn’t even have the right kind of bike, her bike is apparently more a shopping bike with streamers on the handlebars like a 4 year-old! Once she did cycle with them, but only for about a mile as she couldn’t keep up. She wears really short shorts and brings them all muffins and god knows what apparently at 7am Hmm. DH says they never eat them. Also, she waves pom-poms when they leave. I couldn’t believe it. I asked my husband why he’s never mentioned her before and I said it’s fairly obvious why she’s showing up. He just said they don’t know why she comes and they all think she’s mad. On this day, she had driven to some other cafe where they stop in Surrey because it was a nice day and she fancied the drive. Then she took it upon herself to turn up for lunch because she thinks she’s in the cycling club!

She is like something from Ab Fab and really loud. They were in the garden and there I was, backwards and forwards, while she was going on about how she’s just bought a Zwift, but she can’t seem to get it set up, so could any of them come over to her house and set it up for her (nobody offered and it was very awkward). I also heard her tell my husband (loudly) that she’d really like to bring her son to his boxing club and maybe he could he train them both? It was so very strange. As if! Also, she wasn’t exactly making an effort to talk to me. How rude. I have never come across a woman like this in my life. She is late 40s - who behaves like this?

AIBU to be annoyed that this happened at all? My husband has apologised but seems to think it’s a joke. He doesn’t get it at all. These men are late 40s and collectively, should be able to get rid of this lunatic. He says it’s a public cafe and there’s lots of people there and they can’t really stop her. Well, just find a different place to meet then!

OP posts:
JSL52 · 31/05/2021 21:22

@AntiSocialDistancer

I bet you 50p if you ask him for his phone for the bike whatsapp group she's not in it.

You sound dumber than you think your husband's cycling group is, to swallow any of that nonsense.

Her child is either his, or your husband has met him.

Every single thing she says about needing someone to go to her house, about spending time with her child etc was to make your husband sweat.

This thread is a lie, or you're not seeing the the truth.

Jumping to conclusion of the day ConfusedBiscuit
Cakeofdoom · 31/05/2021 21:22

[quote blacksax]@Cakeofdoom - what us guitarist's wives have to put up with, eh? Grin[/quote]
It's a thing isn't it ? I don't quite get it but the sight of a PRS and shoulder length hair is oddly provocative for some 🤣

Gameofbones · 31/05/2021 21:23

I must have had a complete sense of humour fail. Because this sounds very cruel and schoolboy nastiness.

Two things are happening here. Either she is having an affair with one of them. Or she is the running joke and they are all egging each other on to see how far it will go.

Actually makes me feel really sad.

CandyLeBonBon · 31/05/2021 21:24

Sorry @Cakeofdoom but bassists are the undiscovered country imho Grin

BigHeadBertha · 31/05/2021 21:25

@Gwenhwyfar

"I agree *@Gwenhwyfar*. I'm getting a whiff of that ridiculous unwritten rule that men talk to men and the little wimmen talk amongst themselves."

I wonder if OP actually thinks Pom Pom should have been helping in the kitchen with her.

You seem to be missing... everything about this situation.
Ostara212 · 31/05/2021 21:27

@Gameofbones

I must have had a complete sense of humour fail. Because this sounds very cruel and schoolboy nastiness.

Two things are happening here. Either she is having an affair with one of them. Or she is the running joke and they are all egging each other on to see how far it will go.

Actually makes me feel really sad.

But she is an adult and she wanted to join so.....?
Cakeofdoom · 31/05/2021 21:30

@drsbaitso the most important person in the band - bar the soundman/woman/person ;-)

Teateaandmoretea · 31/05/2021 21:31

A very entertaining read 😂. As a MAWIL (cos outside mumsnet women ride bikes too) I’m not absolutely convinced it’s real.

Maybe he should join a proper cycling club with more than 8 members of both sexes where if the men (or women) told their other halves to get dinner prepared for return they’d be told to jog on.

Livelovebehappy · 31/05/2021 21:32

Maybe op, you too could be a cycling Pom Pom cheerleader. I’m sure the group could accommodate a couple more Pom poms. That way you could keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn’t act inappropriately towards the men, and it would get you out of the domestic duties rota, as obviously you can’t wave Pom poms whilst at the same time serving the men their food and drinks.

TeachesOfPeaches · 31/05/2021 21:37

Why don't you volunteer to be a cheerleader too OP, just for a week. I think I would just out of sheer curiosity!

ContinuousMonotoneBeep · 31/05/2021 21:41

This reply has been deleted

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OrangePowder · 31/05/2021 21:43

I could just about accept eccentric woman latches on to group of cyclists, but there's no way this is all that's going on when it's been happening for years and it's never been mentioned to you and someone included her in the WhatsApp group to make sure she knows all the arrangements.

8 adult men between them can't find a way to extricate themselves? Don't any of them have jobs? How do they manage in life generally?

I don't know why, but you are definitely being lied to OP.

Lilymossflower · 31/05/2021 21:47

Oh of course he, and the other men, know why she is coming and what her agenda is. They aren't actual dimwits. They just find her entertaining so let her carry on and laugh about her behind her back.

BumbleFlump · 31/05/2021 21:49

This sounds links something my ex-mother in law would do - she was totally bonkers

QueeniesCroft · 31/05/2021 21:55

I'm trying really hard to imagine my husband attracting a cheerleader for his hobby. He likes gardening, so it isn't all that likely (although his cauliflowers are magnificent this year!).

However, in his last job before retirement, he attracted a couple of very wealthy women who developed unaccountable (and very obvious) feelings for him. One of them was very rude to me and gave the distinct impression that she was trying to see me off. I found it most amusing, while he was mostly just a bit confused.

OP, you don't seem to see her as a threat, and you don't have to like her or entertain her again, so I would have a chuckle at the ridiculousness of the whole thing and not give it another thought.

Bravesoul · 31/05/2021 21:57

She does not pick up social cues and turns up in places that she has not been invited to and latches onto people. I don't think you are being lied to OP I think these men do not know what to do with Pom Pom and she has taken advantage of that to make a role for herself in the group and to worm her way into the group I expect she is inclined to become obsessive. In this day and age it is relatively easy to find out where people live. I expect she arrived early to ensure she would gain entry to the lunch by piling in with the others. I think even with firm boundaries it is going to be difficult to remove yourselves from her.

Duchess379 · 31/05/2021 21:59

This sounds like some comedy skit - like The Britas Empire or something. She definitely needs to be told 'get on ya bike' (see what I did there?)
She's absolutely bonkers & needs to be told to shove off!

blacksax · 31/05/2021 22:01

[quote Cakeofdoom]@drsbaitso the most important person in the band - bar the soundman/woman/person ;-)[/quote]
I have a t-shirt, on the back of which is emblazoned:

Fuck Off I'm Mixing

Grin
QueeniesCroft · 31/05/2021 22:03

@BumbleFlump

This sounds links something my ex-mother in law would do - she was totally bonkers
Actually, my granny did something not too dissimilar. The object(s) of her affection were in a men's choir though, not a cycling club. We managed to persuade her to rein it in a bit, but she followed them around to various places, baked loads of (admittedly excellent) cakes for them and made my 15 year old self listen to rather more of her fantasies than was really healthy!

Her favourite member of the choir was married, so she convinced herself that his marriage was loveless, his wife was a cow and only his respect for his marriage vows kept them apart. The poor man knew nothing about it, which was probably for the best.

duodunical · 31/05/2021 22:06

She's a bit like Joanna Lumley you say OP, I've never met a man of any age who didn't fancy her. Blimey.

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 22:08

I don’t think I am being lied to because DH may be many things but he doesn’t lie. Some people are quite thick-skinned and presumptuous and I think she is one if these. If she had driven out miles to meet them and then they’re all talking about coming here and she just chips on with, “see you there then,” etc, how can they uninvite her on the spot. The others can’t really say anything as it’s not even their house and they didn’t invite her in the first place. And what’s could DH say in the moment without sounding rude? People will tell me I’m being naive and whatever, but this is what I think is most likely.

If she is having an affair with one of them, then I don’t know them well enough to get annoyed. I don’t know their wives either.

I do think it’s weird he’s not mentioned the pom pom waving and muffins before as I would have found this funny, if bizarre. But he is very “in his own head” sometimes with his work and doesn’t really clock things. Also they are obsessed with beating their times on certain routes and other bike gadget things - this is what I hear about very consistently so I tend to switch off, to be honest. This has been going on for years. Even if he’s abroad on the bike and rings me up with all the details if the day, it’s hard to get that interested because it’s one of those things where you need to be there, really.

OP posts:
Lollyneenah · 31/05/2021 22:08

Me ex was in a yaughting group that had a woman like this. Her nickname was 'mad becky' and she was obsessed with them. Turned up at every event, threw bbqs for them etc. No one could remember how or when she had infiltrated the group Grin She was about 10 years older than everyone, didn't sail and turned up with boom boxes to play music for them as they left the shore, perfectly normal in every other aspect of her life, had a boyfriend and professional job, nice house etc

Anyway, mad becky made some very mistimed and mistaken 'overtures' at one of the chaps during one of her barbecues, and the chaps wife went batshit crazy and pushed mad beckys car into the marina.

Distinctly unhelpful but yeeeaaaah she's after your bloke. Sorry OP Grin

CandyLeBonBon · 31/05/2021 22:11

Bloody he'll @QueeniesCroft that's an alan Bennett play in the making! What a story!

4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 22:14

“Anyway, mad becky made some very mistimed and mistaken 'overtures' at one of the chaps during one of her barbecues, and the chaps wife went batshit crazy and pushed mad beckys car into the marina. “

Oh my god.

OP posts:
4cats4kids · 31/05/2021 22:15

“Actually, my granny did something not too dissimilar. The object(s) of her affection were in a men's choir though, not a cycling club. We managed to persuade her to rein it in a bit, but she followed them around to various places, baked loads of (admittedly excellent) cakes for them and made my 15 year old self listen to rather more of her fantasies than was really healthy! “

Another one!

OP posts:
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