One spare room, blended family

[Sezsmee]

Me and my partner have a 2yr old DD. He has a DS (8 yrs) from a previous relationship who stays with us less than 36 hours a fortnight. We have a two bedroom house. Our only spare room is currently set up as his room and our DD sleeps in a cot in our room. We can't afford to move right now and our DD sleeping in our room is starting to become problematic. I want to convert the spare room into a proper bedroom for our DD (the child who lives there). My partner doesn't agree and thinks that we should have bunk beds in there so it's our DD room most of the time but then she has to move out and sleep with us when his son comes to stay. I don't agree and don't think it's fair on our DD to give up her room for someone who is hardly there. My partner is worried that his son will not want to come over if he doesn't have his own bedroom, but he only uses the room for sleeping. His DS has been claiming to not want to come over quite alot recently (which he knows upsets my partner) and understandably it is making my partner nervous. I'm not suggesting that he stops coming over, but simply uses the blow up bed in the living room. Am I being unreasonable for wanting to give our DD her own room?

P.s my friend has a 14 and 18 year old b/g and they share..... not saying thats ok but 8 and 2 is fine....

@Coldwine75

P.s my friend has a 14 and 18 year old b/g and they share..... not saying thats ok but 8 and 2 is fine....

I knew b/g siblings of 15 and 16 who shared because there was no alternative as well. I mean, what are you going to do? They managed. They had a screen separating the two sides of the room for at least some privacy. It's not the absolute end of the world, even if it's far from ideal.

Bunk beds and they share a room. Decorate it neutrally so it suits both of them. Make it clear to both of them they share the room. Give DSS a trendy locker so he can keep things without your DD touching them. If necessary, bring your DD into your room when DSS is with you.

[quote IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls]@Sezsmee
We had exactly the same scenario with exactly the same aged children.

We did what your DP wants ... in fact he had a hign sleeper bed and the cot and toddler bed fitted underneath.

It worked well- no regrets

Your DSS needs to feel included and that it is his home too - no matter how little time he is there.

This sort of stuff seriously messes children up. Dont be that person. [/quote]
This! ⬆️

Don't see why you'd even consider doing anything different. Decorate in a neutral/unisex way, use separate storage, etc. No-one needs to move out at any point. No problem. 🤷‍♀️

I have to agree that it has been heavily implied multiple times that there would be potential for abuser which is incredible really, and that boarding the loft is what you do for storage that costs £100- not like a loft conversion which is £10k+. Lots of very rude and unreasonable posters, never mind the OP!

@MignonLA

I have to agree that it has been heavily implied multiple times that there would be potential for abuser which is incredible really, and that boarding the loft is what you do for storage that costs £100- not like a loft conversion which is £10k+. Lots of very rude and unreasonable posters, never mind the OP!

This.

There are some fab bunk beds you could get which look great and would give each child their own space. No need for anyone to sleep on a blow-up mattress.

Surely it's obvious they need bunks and can share when he visits.

Obviously this is going to get harder as they both get older, but it's not fair for him always to be sleeping on an air bed when visiting his dad. Is the room big enough to be split in two? Or could you swap and you & DH have smaller room to allow bigger one to be split to give them each space?

And if your husband was this bothered about his existing child not having to share a room in his house, he shouldn't have gone and had another kid until he could afford a house with room for them both!

I love those pictures of bunk beds. Much nicer than bog standard ones.

@ineedaholidaynow

36 hours a fortnight is pretty woeful for being a parent to a child. Maybe that needs looking at too

Agree with this. Dad can only be bothered to see him 1.5 days out of 14, and when he does, you want to shove him on an airbed in the livingroom. Poor kid.

Please read the Suitcase Kid by Jacqueline Wilson, it gives great insight into what it’s like being the kid going between homes and how it feels to be made to fit into the other family’s arrangements

Basically bedrooms and beds are big deals, and kids are very sensitive to being treated ‘lesser’

@IgglePiggleHater

There are some fab bunk beds you could get which look great and would give each child their own space. No need for anyone to sleep on a blow-up mattress.

These are great. I’d also suggest a canopy for the top bunk for the oldest child (IKEA does one with stars) for extra sense of having their own space

ineedaholidaynow
36 hours a fortnight is pretty woeful for being a parent to a child. Maybe that needs looking at too
Agree with this. Dad can only be bothered to see him 1.5 days out of 14, and when he does, you want to shove him on an airbed in the livingroom. Poor kid.

Guys. It's very common to do contact every other week. We have my SS every weekend and people are usually shocked because that's actually quite unusual
This might be all his mum is willing to let him stay too.....