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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shared garden issue

201 replies

Sudoku88 · 30/05/2021 21:11

There is a communal garden/patio in my block which essentially is only used by the two ground floor flats (my flat and my neighbour’s flat, I’ll call him John) as it’s quite small.

My neighbour and I collaborated and paid quite a lot of money to get the patio paved so it would be much nicer space that we could actually use and enjoy.

Although it is a communal space, there is his side and my side of the patio. Basically, the issue is to do with me watering my plants on my side of the patio, and the water trickling down to his side as there is a subtle downward slope (which was only discovered after the patio was laid); something he doesn’t like. All my plants are in containers which which have a higher tendency to dry out.

Now, I would describe John as a generally very reasonable person. However, I can see this issue of my plant water moving down to his side of the garden as becoming a cause of friction.

To give some background: I do not live at the property, but rent it out. However, my tenants don’t use the patio at all so John essentially has the area all to himself and his wife. I come about twice a week via the back gate, especially when the weather is hot, to clean, sweep up, attend to and water my plants. I probably spend about 2.5 hours each visit, then I am gone, so for the rest of the time, John will have quiet enjoyment of the whole area to himself.

I love gardening, it’s my form of relaxation, and have invested a lot of time, effort and money on my plants. When I visit, I want to get on with things with no interference or feel any pressure or be dictated as to what I can and can’t do.

Recently, John has started suggesting that he will water my plants for me, (basically later on in the evening when he and his wife have finished using the garden) which I don’t want, as I want to do it myself. In the past when he has watered my plants for me, he hasn’t done a proper job and I have turned up to find some pots absolutely bone dry. Essentially, I know my plants, and know which ones need more watering and which ones need less.

I am normally a very relaxed, live and let live sort of person. But how I see it is that he ought to put things into perspective and be thankful that for a very large majority of the time he has the whole place to himself. That me coming to attend to my plants and the trickle of water going onto his side of the patio (twice a week) is a very minor inconvenience worth putting up with when he is able to have quiet enjoyment for more than 80% of the time. It could be a whole lot worse; I could be coming round for 8 hours/day, 7 days/week! so a total of 5 hours per week and a bit is water is is not worth complaining and creating tension over when for the rest of the time he have the whole place to himself.

My routine is to water just before I leave, he knows this. As the weather was nice yesterday, he was outside in the patio with his wife when I arrive to do my gardening. Just as I was going to water my plants, he suggested that he would do it later, but I replied ‘no, I’d like to do it myself as I had repotted some plants and they needed different amounts of water. There was an awkward silence, and then when the water trickled down to his side, he got a broom and started trying to sweep the water away into the drain, as if to make a point (but in reality there wasn’t enough water to flow sweep into the drain).

Sorry about the long, convoluted post. When I re-read it, it really does sound so petty. Am I being unreasonable, what would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
Andylion · 31/05/2021 15:53

I have no garden, but if water is draining from flower pots, are they not being over watered? Maybe the solution is to water less, but more often? Also, I thought drainage/gravel in the bottom of pots helped with this.

Andylion · 31/05/2021 15:53

As I said, I know little about gardens. Happy to be educated.

1forAll74 · 31/05/2021 16:06

Can you not rearrange all the pots plants to a better area on the patio, for the watering process.
It sounds like you wish to make the patio area a prettier place for the tenants, as they may not like gardening and plants etc.

Bluntness100 · 31/05/2021 16:14

I come about twice a week via the back gate, especially when the weather is hot, to clean, sweep up, attend to and water my plants. I probably spend about 2.5 hours each visit, then I am gone

2.5 hours twice. Week was a figure I threw up in the air. I have never consciously thought about how much time I spend there or timed my self. I have not been for quite a while due to winter/ the cold weather, and have only started going again

Do you see how these statements differ? It’s like the rental comment.
You are anonymous. People don’t know you. They can only respond to what you write. And if you keep writing one thing and then saying it’s something else, you are going to get responses questioning.

billy1966 · 31/05/2021 16:23

Pottering takes time.
The OP is probably dead heading as well.

Sometimes people in shared areas that aren't used by others that are perfectly entitled to, become very territorial.

The suggestion to gently remind him of the reality of the communal space wouldn't go amiss.

CellophaneFlower · 31/05/2021 16:26

@Cherrysoup

I think yabvu going round. Poor tenants! Don’t you have space at your own place for plants? Don’t you think your tenants deserve quiet enjoyment? Don’t they want use of the space?
Don't you ever rtft? Hmm
burritofan · 31/05/2021 17:18

I have no garden, but if water is draining from flower pots, are they not being over watered? Maybe the solution is to water less, but more often? Also, I thought drainage/gravel in the bottom of pots helped with this.
Nah, you need to water til the water runs out to ensure you’re giving it all a good soak – a big pot can easily use a whole watering can or more. If you water only a little bit, you’re only wetting the top inch or so, and the roots start growing upwards to get the scant amount of water.

Andylion · 31/05/2021 17:29

Thanks, @burritofan

Thiis I why I never have plants, I would kill them.

MintyMabel · 31/05/2021 19:02

”What a totally bizarre scenario. Five hours a week watering plants on a patio in a flat you don't live in.”

Complete sweeping statements. A real Chinese whispers situation.

Which part of what @GreyhoundG1rl said there was not 100% accurate? It seems the only person not understanding that spending 5 hours a week on some potted plants in a place you don’t live is bonkers, is you.

Sure he can spend other time out there but you said yourself that you go more often when it is sunny, i.e on the days he is more likely to want to spend time out there too.

And how precious are you that you think someone else can’t water plants correctly. He at least is offering to do it, when it should be done - at the end of a day when it isn’t sunny. I know hee-haw about gardening but I do know that.

SadieCow · 31/05/2021 19:31

So OP is it 2.5 hours twice a week AKA 5 hours a week or not?

If not, how long is it actually?

Talk about moving the goal posts!

Pottedpalm · 31/05/2021 19:37

@MintyMabel

”What a totally bizarre scenario. Five hours a week watering plants on a patio in a flat you don't live in.”

Complete sweeping statements. A real Chinese whispers situation.

Which part of what @GreyhoundG1rl said there was not 100% accurate? It seems the only person not understanding that spending 5 hours a week on some potted plants in a place you don’t live is bonkers, is you.

Sure he can spend other time out there but you said yourself that you go more often when it is sunny, i.e on the days he is more likely to want to spend time out there too.

And how precious are you that you think someone else can’t water plants correctly. He at least is offering to do it, when it should be done - at the end of a day when it isn’t sunny. I know hee-haw about gardening but I do know that.

Is it really so hard to understand? The OP enjoys gardening and finds it relaxing Her current tenant is family and happy with the arrangements John has put down patio in a shared garden, he couldn’t do anything if other tenants brought chairs and bbqs and used ‘his’ bit of patio Why should she let him water the plants as a ploy to exclude her? Crack on, OP, enjoy your gardening. Take a chair and a flask!
CellophaneFlower · 31/05/2021 19:54

Honestly, some of the comments on here, you'd think OP had set up a crack den or was filling the communal area with a load of junk or something.

She's spent her own money laying a patio (with John) to make it look nice for herself (regardless of whether she currently lives there) and all residents. What's wrong with that? Never once has she said nobody else is entitled to use it, especially not John. She is perfectly entitled to water and care for HER plants whenever she feels like it, whether it be when John wants to sit out there, (God forbid if that's during daylight hours when apparently all plants will turn to dust if a drop of water lands on them), or not.

I'd understand OP getting some grief if she was being rude with her replies, but she really isn't Confused

MintyMabel · 31/05/2021 20:40

The OP enjoys gardening and finds it relaxing

It’s mucking about with a few potted plants. Hardly “gardening”, and why not do it at the house she lives in? Or get an allotment.

Her current tenant is family and happy with the arrangements

I’m sure if a member of my family was doing me a favour by letting me stay short term in their property, I’d not want to rock the boat by asking them not to be there so often.

God forbid if that's during daylight hours when apparently all plants will turn to dust if a drop of water lands on them

The issue there is, apparently it’s so difficult for the other tenant to water those plants, because it has to be done just right or they will all drown and or wilt, and yet OP is probably doing the worst thing you can do for plants by watering them when it’s sunny.

Pottedpalm · 31/05/2021 20:45

@MintyMabel

The OP enjoys gardening and finds it relaxing

It’s mucking about with a few potted plants. Hardly “gardening”, and why not do it at the house she lives in? Or get an allotment.

Her current tenant is family and happy with the arrangements

I’m sure if a member of my family was doing me a favour by letting me stay short term in their property, I’d not want to rock the boat by asking them not to be there so often.

God forbid if that's during daylight hours when apparently all plants will turn to dust if a drop of water lands on them

The issue there is, apparently it’s so difficult for the other tenant to water those plants, because it has to be done just right or they will all drown and or wilt, and yet OP is probably doing the worst thing you can do for plants by watering them when it’s sunny.

You are putting a lot of energy into being downright nitpicking nasty! 😏
justawoman76 · 31/05/2021 21:03

@Andylion

I have no garden, but if water is draining from flower pots, are they not being over watered? Maybe the solution is to water less, but more often? Also, I thought drainage/gravel in the bottom of pots helped with this.
I learned something new a few months ago and it's that you should not put a layer of gravel at the bottom of your potted plants. Apparently this is an old school thing (though some people still insist its right), and it actually is bad for plants. There is this thing called the water table (how drainage happens through different structures/materials) and having a layer of gravel actually means your roots sit in water which a lot of plants don't like, and can cause root rot which kills the plant. There are a few YouTube tutorials on it if you are interested. Basically, cover any drainage holes at the bottom of a pot with landscape fabric or a large pebble so that the water can get out but you don't lose your compost/soil, then fill with good quality compost and some horticultural grit mixed in to make it free draining. No need for a layer of gravel. Water will drain right to the bottom of the pot and out instead of sitting at the bottom of the first layer, plants don't get wet feet, and they are happier.

I was surprised to read this but if you watch the YouTube tutorials they do some very visible demonstrations which make it easier to understand.

MintyMabel · 31/05/2021 21:55

You are putting a lot of energy into being downright nitpicking nasty!

A few posts on the internet hardly takes a lot of energy. I’m just answering points put to me. If you want to call that nitpicking then stop responding.

Sudoku88 · 31/05/2021 22:53

@MintyMabel

”What a totally bizarre scenario. Five hours a week watering plants on a patio in a flat you don't live in.”

Complete sweeping statements. A real Chinese whispers situation.

Which part of what @GreyhoundG1rl said there was not 100% accurate? It seems the only person not understanding that spending 5 hours a week on some potted plants in a place you don’t live is bonkers, is you.

Sure he can spend other time out there but you said yourself that you go more often when it is sunny, i.e on the days he is more likely to want to spend time out there too.

And how precious are you that you think someone else can’t water plants correctly. He at least is offering to do it, when it should be done - at the end of a day when it isn’t sunny. I know hee-haw about gardening but I do know that.

Justawoman, thanks for the tip, I shall have a look on YouTube.

MintyMabel,- you clearly don’t know a lot about gardening, but you’re certainly an expert on the art of being spiteful.

Just a quick and final update. I went round today with my drip trays and I could see John seemed appreciative about the fact I was trying to address the problem. It certainly took the stress/pressure off me since I didn’t have to get worried over the fact I was upsetting him with the water; so everything seems on tract to being fine again.

Thank you to all those who offered Constructive advice. I took on board what you said and it has worked.

As for the others, I learnt that I was selfish, inconsiderate, crazy and had absolutely no right to go to a patio that I had paid thousands to have laid (even though the freeholder was happy for us to do it as the area was a total dump and not a single soul from the whole block ever step foot in it).

I had absolutely no right to be there even though I pay a hefty annual service charge because I don’t currently live there but am a landlord. my temporary ‘tenant’ (family friend) never goes there, has no interest in the area and has absolutely no issues in my tending the garden and I never see him ( but that’s another story as maybe he, in the words of some, I might be doing him a favour and he doesn’t feel comfortable to tell me he doesn’t want me there) I am the landlord from hell, but if I were to keep the property empty, which I am happy to do, no doubt I would be criticized for depriving someone of a home.

I was off my head since I was attending to plants I was not hanging around to ‘enjoy’. I was a total nut job and committing a cardinal sin for spending 5 hours a week doing ‘gardening’ - ‘what can you possibly be doing for 5 hours?’ I am asked- I hadn’t gone to the extent of giving a total breakdown of my tasks as it would have taken too long, but suffice to say it also involved sweeping all the leaves/ blossom fallen from the surrounding trees on my part (yes, John was quick to offer to water my plants (I was told I was batshit and precious for not wanting him to do it as I felt it wasn’t done properly) but funnily enough, he has never offered to sweep up my side when all the leaves and debris pile up), however if I didn’t do it, no one else would. So as well as ‘gardening’ a few crappy pot plants, I also do clean and tidy up.

I was hazy with the exact number of hours I spent there per week- my apologies but I’ve really got my hands full and paying full concentration on exact specifics is currently past my capabilities.
I was passive aggressive, controlling as I and didn’t want John using the garden- actually if that were the case, I’d be there all day on the days I am off and not just for a few hours a week and I certainly would not have made sure I took action and had the drip trays to use the next time I watered so as not to upset him.

Can’t think of anything else, but posting on Mumsnet has been a real eye opener!

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 31/05/2021 22:55

God almighty Hmm

ExitChasedByABee · 31/05/2021 23:02

@Sudoku88 It might have helped if the original post mentioned that the tenants weren’t complete strangers to you or that you can’t take the plants with you. But I was curious by a few of the heated responses and then realized that this is in AIBU so I’m really not sure if that information from the get go would have changed things, but it certainly would have allayed some of the confusion. There are all sorts of topics here and not all discussions get heated. I hope you’re not feeling too overwhelmed Flowers

HerMammy · 31/05/2021 23:15

Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
Calm yourself and maybe don’t post on MN again if you’re this easily annoyed by anyone disagreeing with you 🙄

justawoman76 · 31/05/2021 23:23

deepgreenpermaculture.com/2019/09/06/should-you-put-gravel-or-rocks-at-the-bottom-of-plant-pots-for-drainage/

Here's more info about the gravel in pots dilemma! Lengthy article but quite enlightening as it's something I was always told to do but will be changing my practices from now on.

MintyMabel · 01/06/2021 08:59

you clearly don’t know a lot about gardening, but you’re certainly an expert on the art of being spiteful.

Why ask AIBU if you don’t want people giving you an opposing view?

And yes, I have said twice I know little about gardening. But you know I’m not wrong with what I have said about it.

he has never offered to sweep up my side when all the leaves and debris pile up

Because that isn’t causing him a problem.

Can’t think of anything else, but posting on Mumsnet has been a real eye opener!

Were you expecting everyone to agree with you?

cansu · 01/06/2021 09:03

I think I would be telling my tenants to please make use of the patio. I would also be much more assertive with John. If he starts up again, be very clear that the tenants are perfectly happy with the arrangement and that he needs to shut up.

GreyhoundG1rl · 01/06/2021 13:00

Can’t think of anything else, but posting on Mumsnet has been a real eye opener!

Were you expecting everyone to agree with you?

Of course, don't they always?!

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 01/06/2021 13:44

MintyMabel hasn't been at all spiteful. I don't know why the OP keeps picking on her posts.