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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shared garden issue

201 replies

Sudoku88 · 30/05/2021 21:11

There is a communal garden/patio in my block which essentially is only used by the two ground floor flats (my flat and my neighbour’s flat, I’ll call him John) as it’s quite small.

My neighbour and I collaborated and paid quite a lot of money to get the patio paved so it would be much nicer space that we could actually use and enjoy.

Although it is a communal space, there is his side and my side of the patio. Basically, the issue is to do with me watering my plants on my side of the patio, and the water trickling down to his side as there is a subtle downward slope (which was only discovered after the patio was laid); something he doesn’t like. All my plants are in containers which which have a higher tendency to dry out.

Now, I would describe John as a generally very reasonable person. However, I can see this issue of my plant water moving down to his side of the garden as becoming a cause of friction.

To give some background: I do not live at the property, but rent it out. However, my tenants don’t use the patio at all so John essentially has the area all to himself and his wife. I come about twice a week via the back gate, especially when the weather is hot, to clean, sweep up, attend to and water my plants. I probably spend about 2.5 hours each visit, then I am gone, so for the rest of the time, John will have quiet enjoyment of the whole area to himself.

I love gardening, it’s my form of relaxation, and have invested a lot of time, effort and money on my plants. When I visit, I want to get on with things with no interference or feel any pressure or be dictated as to what I can and can’t do.

Recently, John has started suggesting that he will water my plants for me, (basically later on in the evening when he and his wife have finished using the garden) which I don’t want, as I want to do it myself. In the past when he has watered my plants for me, he hasn’t done a proper job and I have turned up to find some pots absolutely bone dry. Essentially, I know my plants, and know which ones need more watering and which ones need less.

I am normally a very relaxed, live and let live sort of person. But how I see it is that he ought to put things into perspective and be thankful that for a very large majority of the time he has the whole place to himself. That me coming to attend to my plants and the trickle of water going onto his side of the patio (twice a week) is a very minor inconvenience worth putting up with when he is able to have quiet enjoyment for more than 80% of the time. It could be a whole lot worse; I could be coming round for 8 hours/day, 7 days/week! so a total of 5 hours per week and a bit is water is is not worth complaining and creating tension over when for the rest of the time he have the whole place to himself.

My routine is to water just before I leave, he knows this. As the weather was nice yesterday, he was outside in the patio with his wife when I arrive to do my gardening. Just as I was going to water my plants, he suggested that he would do it later, but I replied ‘no, I’d like to do it myself as I had repotted some plants and they needed different amounts of water. There was an awkward silence, and then when the water trickled down to his side, he got a broom and started trying to sweep the water away into the drain, as if to make a point (but in reality there wasn’t enough water to flow sweep into the drain).

Sorry about the long, convoluted post. When I re-read it, it really does sound so petty. Am I being unreasonable, what would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
CellophaneFlower · 31/05/2021 08:05

@JaniieJones

Oh op take your pots home and stop watering them in your rented out place.

Whether you're right or John is right whatever. It is causing friction so just move your planters.

Why should she? It's her property, albeit communal.

John doesn't give a shit about the water, he just doesn't want you there. Sod John. Tend to your plants as often and for as long as you like. Buy lots more. Smile sweetly at John.

user1471538283 · 31/05/2021 08:10

If John doesn't like the current arrangement maybe he would like a fence to separate you both? But that would mean his area is smaller. No I thought not. Basically he wants the whole of the yard.

If he wants that he needs to live somewhere with a private yard. I would tell him this. His wants do not trump yours.

SueSaid · 31/05/2021 08:14

'Why should she? It's her property, albeit communal.'

She doesn't even live there I mean fgs pick your battles and all that.

DonLewis · 31/05/2021 08:18

Get a landscaper to put a drainage channel in the half way point of the patio? Your water will hit that and drain away before it gets to John's side. Also provides a halfway marker! Bingo.

Chienloup · 31/05/2021 08:26

There is a sensible solution here isn't there.
You take the plants to your own home. Then John is happy, you get to look after the plants, and (most importantly) your poor tenant gets to not have their landlord busybodying around twice a week.

SueSaid · 31/05/2021 08:29

@Chienloup

There is a sensible solution here isn't there. You take the plants to your own home. Then John is happy, you get to look after the plants, and (most importantly) your poor tenant gets to not have their landlord busybodying around twice a week.
This!
Pottedpalm · 31/05/2021 08:32

OP has answered all these points

Pottedpalm · 31/05/2021 08:38

@Sudoku88
I think you should carry on with what you are doing; when your DC moves in you will doubtless be in and out of the flat as well as tending to the plants, and you can sit out on the patio too. John has no more right to the space than any other tenant and is benefiting from your efforts.

Daisydoesnt · 31/05/2021 08:56

OP any sort of a gardener would know you water either in the early evening or early in the morning. You don’t water in the day. Drip trays are much better for your plants if you are only visiting (watering) twice a week; plants in pots can get very hot and very dry quickly which will damage the roots.

I’d also hate water running over the patio area where I was sitting (perhaps I’d theyve got the papers out with them, or have bare feet). Water that runs off after watering also carries bits of compost/ soil i it which would make the patio dirty. Annoying.

Alcesalces · 31/05/2021 09:14

I think you should buy sandbags to keep the water that drains away on your side. A line of them across the patio should work.

Bluntness100 · 31/05/2021 09:15

@Alcesalces

I think you should buy sandbags to keep the water that drains away on your side. A line of them across the patio should work.
Well that would be ugly. And totally unnecessary considering she can just put some drip trays under each pot. Who wants a line of sand bags on their patio?
WhoNeedsaManOfTheWorld · 31/05/2021 09:19

A line of sand bags would be pretty funny and perhaps shut John up. John is an arse

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 31/05/2021 09:25

Put in drip trays and use a watering can without the sprinkler attachment, its as easy as that. I do that with my own pots to avoid water going everywhere.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 31/05/2021 09:26

@Chienloup

There is a sensible solution here isn't there. You take the plants to your own home. Then John is happy, you get to look after the plants, and (most importantly) your poor tenant gets to not have their landlord busybodying around twice a week.
And this too. Why are you making such a meal of it when there are simple solutions.
HerMammy · 31/05/2021 09:33

@Pottedpalm
She still hasn’t answered how she can spend 5 hrs ‘attending’ potted plants on half a patio. Ridiculous set up.

3Britnee · 31/05/2021 09:34

@Sudoku88

There is a communal garden/patio in my block which essentially is only used by the two ground floor flats (my flat and my neighbour’s flat, I’ll call him John) as it’s quite small.

My neighbour and I collaborated and paid quite a lot of money to get the patio paved so it would be much nicer space that we could actually use and enjoy.

Although it is a communal space, there is his side and my side of the patio. Basically, the issue is to do with me watering my plants on my side of the patio, and the water trickling down to his side as there is a subtle downward slope (which was only discovered after the patio was laid); something he doesn’t like. All my plants are in containers which which have a higher tendency to dry out.

Now, I would describe John as a generally very reasonable person. However, I can see this issue of my plant water moving down to his side of the garden as becoming a cause of friction.

To give some background: I do not live at the property, but rent it out. However, my tenants don’t use the patio at all so John essentially has the area all to himself and his wife. I come about twice a week via the back gate, especially when the weather is hot, to clean, sweep up, attend to and water my plants. I probably spend about 2.5 hours each visit, then I am gone, so for the rest of the time, John will have quiet enjoyment of the whole area to himself.

I love gardening, it’s my form of relaxation, and have invested a lot of time, effort and money on my plants. When I visit, I want to get on with things with no interference or feel any pressure or be dictated as to what I can and can’t do.

Recently, John has started suggesting that he will water my plants for me, (basically later on in the evening when he and his wife have finished using the garden) which I don’t want, as I want to do it myself. In the past when he has watered my plants for me, he hasn’t done a proper job and I have turned up to find some pots absolutely bone dry. Essentially, I know my plants, and know which ones need more watering and which ones need less.

I am normally a very relaxed, live and let live sort of person. But how I see it is that he ought to put things into perspective and be thankful that for a very large majority of the time he has the whole place to himself. That me coming to attend to my plants and the trickle of water going onto his side of the patio (twice a week) is a very minor inconvenience worth putting up with when he is able to have quiet enjoyment for more than 80% of the time. It could be a whole lot worse; I could be coming round for 8 hours/day, 7 days/week! so a total of 5 hours per week and a bit is water is is not worth complaining and creating tension over when for the rest of the time he have the whole place to himself.

My routine is to water just before I leave, he knows this. As the weather was nice yesterday, he was outside in the patio with his wife when I arrive to do my gardening. Just as I was going to water my plants, he suggested that he would do it later, but I replied ‘no, I’d like to do it myself as I had repotted some plants and they needed different amounts of water. There was an awkward silence, and then when the water trickled down to his side, he got a broom and started trying to sweep the water away into the drain, as if to make a point (but in reality there wasn’t enough water to flow sweep into the drain).

Sorry about the long, convoluted post. When I re-read it, it really does sound so petty. Am I being unreasonable, what would you do in this situation?

You need to move your pots to your own actual home. Jesus Christ.
CharlieBoo · 31/05/2021 09:44

Op you’ve got some pretty harsh replies here.. ignore them. You have a right to be in the garden.. John wants it all for himself.. keep doing what you’re doing ..

WobblyLondoner · 31/05/2021 09:44

Some of the replies on here are ridiculously unsympathetic and rude, especially given the updates from @Sudoku88 about the nature of the letting arrangement.

In terms of answering the question, @Sudoku88 I think drip trays are the answer while you're watering, to minimise the 'disruption' to your rather controlling sounding neighbour - you can them empty them out when you're done. I bought a couple of large ones (one metre square sort of thing) the other day that are also handy for putting plants on if you're going away and are worried about plants drying out.

wherewildflowersgrow · 31/05/2021 09:44

It sounds as though more than the two ground floor flats have rights to the patio, so it hardly matters.

Sudoku88 · 31/05/2021 09:47

[quote HerMammy]@Pottedpalm
She still hasn’t answered how she can spend 5 hrs ‘attending’ potted plants on half a patio. Ridiculous set up.[/quote]
What does it matter if I spend 5 hours a week on potted plants? That’s not the issue here. What if I spent 10 hours a week? Maybe I like to take my time and not rush things? Maybe I have loads of pots and different types of plants that need a lot of attention?

The person currently in my flat has absolutely no issues with me being there. Maybe I should pay a gardener to go round and spend 5 hours a week pottering around. But then I’d no doubt get criticised for how I choose to spend my hard earned cash?!

Seems to me you don’t do much gardening.

OP posts:
HerMammy · 31/05/2021 09:49

I do plenty of gardening, I have much more than pots and it doesn’t take 5hrs maintenance a week. If you ever have non family tenants this wouldn’t be acceptable, very intrusive.

DeciduousPerennial · 31/05/2021 09:53

very intrusive

To you. She’s answered this. It isn’t to the current tenant.
Also, how she tends to her pots doesn’t necessarily correlate with how you tend to yours.

I despair of MN sometimes.

SadieCow · 31/05/2021 09:58

You spend five hours and cause irritation for plants you don't get to enjoy?

Very odd!

Sudoku88 · 31/05/2021 10:04

@WobblyLondoner

Some of the replies on here are ridiculously unsympathetic and rude, especially given the updates from *@Sudoku88* about the nature of the letting arrangement.

In terms of answering the question, @Sudoku88 I think drip trays are the answer while you're watering, to minimise the 'disruption' to your rather controlling sounding neighbour - you can them empty them out when you're done. I bought a couple of large ones (one metre square sort of thing) the other day that are also handy for putting plants on if you're going away and are worried about plants drying out.

Thanks for being understanding. I will definitely get drip trays and remove/ empty it out once the water has settled. I was concerned about the pots standing in water, but your suggestion is a good idea.

I just wanted to find a solution and be able to have a cordial relationship with my neighbour.

Posting on here has been a real eye opener of what people can be like.

I get those who keep telling me to move the pots to my place. If I had a garden and could do that, believe you me, I would have done so already. Then there are people who say go and buy a house with your own garden (as though you’re going to the shops to buy a loaf of bread) - if only it were that simple, and I could afford it.
I also get criticised about the length of time I choose to spend tending the plants as though I’m some layabout nut job. What does it matter? I’m not hurting anyone. The person in my flat is not bothered at all about me being out there.

I very much doubt I will ever post a new question on here again.

OP posts:
EastWestWhosBest · 31/05/2021 10:08

I have a few of these www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Garland-Black-Plastic-Gravel-Potting-Garden-Plant-Tray-60cmx60cmx7cm-/222899247742?_trksid=p2349624.m46890.l49286

Really useful for so much stuff.

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