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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour's children - need advice or to be told if I am overreacting!

175 replies

bluecampbell · 30/05/2021 17:06

Hello all,
We have relatively new neighbours next door, an older couple, their son and I assume daughter in law, and four children under the age of 10. We've bumped along okay with them so far, a few friendly exchanges but not much more. The kids are a bit noisy but it's never been a huge issue.

However their two older kids (I think 10 and 7 or 8) are starting to be really quite rude when they see us, they've yelled a few things at my husband which he's ignored, and they've questioned people coming to our house (they asked one visitor if he was a burglar and then told him he looked like one!); one of our visitors said "those kids are ODD".

It culminated today with one of them yelling at me "hello, hello, your mum looks like a big smelly poo". I replied mildly "that's a bit rude isn't it" and walked off but it's really got to me as my Mum is no longer with us and I miss her, and it's upset me.

It's made me want to go over there and rage at them to keep their rude little shits civil but I've done nothing so far as I am sure I'm reacting because of Mum.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with neighbour kids who are progressively stepping over the line and getting ruder and ruder? Should I have just yelled back at the kid and scared him? Any advice very welcomed as I don't want this to become a "thing".
Thank you x

OP posts:
Jizzonmy · 30/05/2021 17:09

If anything I’d address it with the parents
Their behaviour is unacceptable but bringing it up directly with them is likely to make it worse.
I’d want to know if my children were behaving like that

catgirl1976 · 30/05/2021 17:10

I'd pop round and let the neighbours know what they have been saying.

Sounds like they are pushing boundaries and being rude and to date have got away with it so are emboldened. They might be less so when their parents find out what they have been saying.

Ratatattatpat · 30/05/2021 17:11

I would ignore them. They are somebody else's problem.

Penistoe · 30/05/2021 17:11

Maybe try and build a relationship with the parents go over say hello. Maybe once they see you as a friend of the parents it will stop. I wouldn’t want to risk making into something bigger.
"hello, hello, your mum looks like a big smelly poo"
That sounds very kids being kids. I get why it’s upsetting though.

Peppapeg · 30/05/2021 17:13

I wouldn't speak to the children directly, the parents will likely believe them as a default and every chance whatever you say or do will be twisted. I would speak to the parents though, it's not nice to be made to feel like that outside of your own home (or anytime, but i imagine it being recurring is tedious and upsetting).

Custardo · 30/05/2021 17:18

they sound like kids being kids to me.

adress with their parents ignore the bad comments and engage with the good nice converations, as they see the nice gets attention they will be nicer, if you ignore the bad comments, it has not pay off for them

MootMoot · 30/05/2021 17:22

I'd ignore them.

WhoWants2Know · 30/05/2021 17:22

I'd possibly walk right past the child to knock on his parents door. Then I'd ask the child to repeat exactly what they just said in front of the parent.

Either the kid admits it and the parents deal with it, or the kid refuses to own up--in which case the parent knows the kid says something they're ashamed of.

drpet49 · 30/05/2021 17:23

@Custardo kids being kids? Not they are not. They are rude and need telling.

2bazookas · 30/05/2021 17:24

I would type out a list of the comments (and who said them and who to) and when you've got a collection, take it round to the parents when the kids are at school (or in bed) and say " This is upsetting, please deal with it".

If they deal withit, well and good.

If they don't; are they owners or tenants? If tenants, deal with LL.

muddyford · 30/05/2021 17:27

The nephews of our neighbour can be like this. But they are teenagers, for goodness sake, not primary age. The older one actually made sexual remarks to another neighbour who's nearly 80. I told her to ring the police if it happens again. It's a difficult one.

Iooselipssinkships · 30/05/2021 17:33

Kids being kids? Hardly. More like kids being nasty and horrible. I'd be mortified if mine were behaving like that.

pasturesgreen · 30/05/2021 17:34

I'd definitely have a word with the parents.

Kids being kids, my arse! My father would, quite justifiably, have ripped me a new one if I'd dared to address a neighbour like that, and I was a child in the 80s, not the Middle Ages. It's about respect and manners.

HadaVerde · 30/05/2021 17:36

Tell them their bedrooms are haunted.

MaMelon · 30/05/2021 17:40

I’d speak to the parents. On their own and in isolation the comments are stupid, but they’re ongoing and it’s downright cheeky - I’d have been furious if mine had spoken to my neighbours like that.

Luckyelephant1 · 30/05/2021 17:41

Kids being kids is if they're just being inquisitive or chatty, this is downright rude.

Maybe the parents aren't aware (not sure from you OP whether this was said in earshot of their parents) so just give them a knock and let them know. If they've been friendly enough so far then chances are they'll be mortified and give the kids a good talking to, I know I would.

Youmakemewannashout · 30/05/2021 17:41

Even if their behaviour is ‘ kids being kids’, it’s not acceptable and you should find a way to have a quiet word with their parents without sounding too annoyed or angry. If you can keep things lighthearted the parents are more likely to back you up instead of putting up barriers. Maybe ask the parents to tell you about their children’s interests so that you can chat to them before they have a chance to be rude and build bridges.

HollowTalk · 30/05/2021 17:41

@HadaVerde

Tell them their bedrooms are haunted.
This really made me laugh.
nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 30/05/2021 17:46

Speak to the parents. If no joy, shout and scare the shit out of the nasty little cunts. If that doesn't work, keep a hosepipe connected and drench them every time. Works on cats.

icepackquestion · 30/05/2021 17:49

Sorry about your mum, I completely understand why that comment has hurt you so much.

Scienceisnotopinion · 30/05/2021 17:55

Why are you scared, just tell them off! And then tell the parents!

VettiyaIruken · 30/05/2021 17:59

You should definitely speak to the parents but be prepared for the possibility that you'll be told to fuck off or given the whole they're only kids bollocks. Ime children who hurl abuse at people have parents that do likewise.

Mellonsprite · 30/05/2021 18:01

@HadaVerde

Tell them their bedrooms are haunted.
Grin I’d tell them to STFU (then deny it if they complained to their parents). I hate cheeky bastard little kids.
StopPokingTheRoyalTitDear · 30/05/2021 18:05

I’d want to know if it was my kids behaving that way and fwiw would have no problem with someone else telling them off for being rude little fuckers. I’d come down like a tonne of bricks on them myself.

DeRigueurMortis · 30/05/2021 18:06

I must confess I really don't understand this trend of "telling the parents" and the idea that as an adult it's inappropriate to tell off a child who is behaving badly.

It's the train of thought that results in many posts on the SM forum that they should never discipline a step child however badly they behave.

To be fair maybe I'm too much my parents child (both teachers) who had absolutely no problems "telling off" other parents children whatever the setting if they were misbehaving.

I'd feel no remorse at all about telling the kids their comments were foul and being clear they'll get short shrift from me (and yes a blast from the hose if they are particularly vile).

It takes a village to raise a child and every village needs a grumpy scary fucker who won't let nasty kids take the piss.

I'm happy to to one for the team where I live Grin