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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour's children - need advice or to be told if I am overreacting!

175 replies

bluecampbell · 30/05/2021 17:06

Hello all,
We have relatively new neighbours next door, an older couple, their son and I assume daughter in law, and four children under the age of 10. We've bumped along okay with them so far, a few friendly exchanges but not much more. The kids are a bit noisy but it's never been a huge issue.

However their two older kids (I think 10 and 7 or 8) are starting to be really quite rude when they see us, they've yelled a few things at my husband which he's ignored, and they've questioned people coming to our house (they asked one visitor if he was a burglar and then told him he looked like one!); one of our visitors said "those kids are ODD".

It culminated today with one of them yelling at me "hello, hello, your mum looks like a big smelly poo". I replied mildly "that's a bit rude isn't it" and walked off but it's really got to me as my Mum is no longer with us and I miss her, and it's upset me.

It's made me want to go over there and rage at them to keep their rude little shits civil but I've done nothing so far as I am sure I'm reacting because of Mum.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with neighbour kids who are progressively stepping over the line and getting ruder and ruder? Should I have just yelled back at the kid and scared him? Any advice very welcomed as I don't want this to become a "thing".
Thank you x

OP posts:
CathyorClaire · 30/05/2021 21:12

My daughter, now 50, insists that I have a " look" which silences children at ten yards

It's a must have skill if you've ever worked in a school at lunchtime.

underneaththeash · 30/05/2021 21:14

I’d have no qualms about telling them off.
@Custardo err that’s not normal behaviour - if your child do behave like this you need to re-address your parenting!

lighteincastlewindow · 30/05/2021 21:15

I think the advice given by @WhoWants2Know is very good. Very direct and a catch-22 for the kid.

motogogo · 30/05/2021 21:16

Speak to the parents or better still the grandparents. They are probably just pushing boundaries with being bored

Changechangychange · 30/05/2021 21:18

@Geamhradh

Mumsnet is weird. If this were the mother saying the neighbours had moaned about her 10 and 7 year olds saying stupid stuff that typical 10 and 7 year olds say to people, all hell would be let loose on the neighbours.

But yes, say to them something like what's been suggested above.

Oh come on, in that scenario the OP would be ripped to shreds, her parenting eviscerated, and her children armchair-diagnosed with all kinds and compared to hardened criminals.
EmeraldShamrock · 30/05/2021 21:34

I would absolutely tell the little fuckers that they were being rude, and if they didn’t stop there would be consequences. And if they did it again I absolutely would spray them with a hose.
Oh I'd love to see that. 🤣
I regularly tell other DC to behave likewise I've no issue with someone saying it with my DC if they're acting the maggot.

FortunesFave · 30/05/2021 21:35

Telling them off in a strict manner will result in them doing it even more.

The only way to deal with kids like this is to banter with them and laugh at them in a fun sort of way.

I used to live on a rough council estate and one neighbour had a rude kid....I slowly built a relationship with both the Mum and the DD.

It took time...the kid was unhappy basically. No boundaries and crying out for attention. The Mum was depressed and lonely.

When we moved, they cried. They'd come to rely on me.

Mistyplanet · 30/05/2021 21:43

I wouldn't go round to the parents. I think its better to either tell the kids off directly or ignore. You don't know what kind of people the parents are and it could start a bad atmosphere between you.

meemaww · 30/05/2021 21:49

@HadaVerde

Tell them their bedrooms are haunted.
😂😂😳
Original poster
bluecampbell · 30/05/2021 23:32

Thanks so much everyone! I love the haunted bedrooms idea....

I didn't say anything today as I didn't want to get upset or cross, but I think the straight to the parents and get them to repeat what they said is a really good plan.

Thanks so much for taking the time to come back Wine

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 31/05/2021 01:07

they sound like kids being kids to me

What?
Never imagined anybody would think behaviour like that was 'normal'.

memberofthewedding · 31/05/2021 01:44

are they owners or tenants? If tenants, deal with LL

And what do you imagine the LL is going to do with a complaint of "next doors children are rude to me?"

If LL is wise they will quickly tell you that this is a private matter and they dare not get involved. Any LL getting involved in a private neighbour disagreement is risking a charge of harassment.

Mypathtriedtokillme · 31/05/2021 03:06

@thequeenoftarts

You could just test the waters and say well lets see what your Mam and Dad think of you being so rude to me, and you can say - I will pop over later for a chat with your parents..

Works one of two ways, they will look scared and behave or be all bravado and say tell them and you will know the parents don't give two hoots either

It would be what my mother calls “the look of death”, that’s Rude, I will be over at 8pm (or any time in the future) to speak to your parents about your behaviour then I’d make them stew on it all day because the fear of what I would say to their parents would be worse than what I likely would.
rainbowbear10 · 31/05/2021 17:20

thats is why kids are the way they are they have been brought up to think it acceptable behaviour taht what they say is only having a laugh and OK to say such rude things to another.

Maybe joke saying it to their friends or family siblings but definetly not to another adults they
dont know.

Bertiebiscuit · 31/05/2021 17:27

What horrible brats - complain to the parents and if that doesn't solve the problem I would feel no compunction in shouting at the nasty little bullies

cherish123 · 31/05/2021 17:30

Speak to the parents.

bondgirl76 · 31/05/2021 17:34

They are doing it because they get away with it...We had a neighbour who had a 8 year old boy..who horrible..His parents dumped him with his grandma.He would just shout vile things and say Hey fattie...stuff like that..I got so fed up one day..I went right up to him and said in a menacing voice...what did you call me? he laughed and said it again..so i marched him to his grandmas..and told her what he was doing...It never hapenned again..threaten the little shits..Get tough

ittakes2 · 31/05/2021 17:34

I am normally one of those parents that say don't speak to the other parents, speak to the school etc etc. But in this instance I would get my biggest scariest relative (be it husband, son, brother or uncle or whatever) and get them to do an angry scary face and voice and tell the kids to knock it off.
The reason I say this is if parents have kids that age who are that rude these parents either a) don't disipline them and telling them will not only not make a difference but telling the parents will draw attention to the problem and you can't then scare the kids or b) the parents will take their kids side and you will have ill feeling with the neighbours.
Unfortunately, scarying the shit out of them in a surprise attack is probably the best option I am ashamed to say.
I am very sorry about your mum.

EMUKE · 31/05/2021 17:46

I really feel for you. I hope they are just tenants and only there for 6months to a year. It’s sounds like immature unsocialised kids. I completely understand your stress BUT if the children behave like that I do wonder what the parents are like?!? You must say something for better or worse you will feel better having a chat with the parents. Bypass the children 100%. I hope it settles down.

dysongirl · 31/05/2021 17:54

Kids nowadays are screechy and loud.
And their parents are immune to it.
I'd mention it to their mother and tell her you were upset.
See how it goes.

Subbaxeo · 31/05/2021 18:09

For me, I’d be so ashamed if my kids were behaving like that and I would absolutely want to know if they were so they can have a metaphorically slapped bottom. Dreadful behaviour.

Stompythedinosaur · 31/05/2021 18:15

I'd go and speak to the parents.

jentinquarantino20 · 31/05/2021 18:20

My daughter is 9 and doesn’t speak like that. That’s not being kids, it’s feral. Even my 4 yo wouldn’t say it. They need to respect people, sorry about your mum. I would have a quiet word. Play it down if needs must saying I know they are kids but I’ve just lost my mum and it upset me etc, and also they are prying into your life with visitors and it’s not acceptable. They are just letting them do as they please by the sounds of it.

minipie · 31/05/2021 18:24

I agree with your plan OP

FWIW I wonder if the comment was actually “your bum looks like” rather than “your mum looks like”? Just seems a bit more likely. Still rude of course.

peppermintpat · 31/05/2021 18:26

Ignore or it will escalate. If you see the kids alone, blank them and if you see the parents (with or without dc) be polite. If you go running to the parents the kids will know they've riled you and get worse imo.

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