Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour's children - need advice or to be told if I am overreacting!

175 replies

bluecampbell · 30/05/2021 17:06

Hello all,
We have relatively new neighbours next door, an older couple, their son and I assume daughter in law, and four children under the age of 10. We've bumped along okay with them so far, a few friendly exchanges but not much more. The kids are a bit noisy but it's never been a huge issue.

However their two older kids (I think 10 and 7 or 8) are starting to be really quite rude when they see us, they've yelled a few things at my husband which he's ignored, and they've questioned people coming to our house (they asked one visitor if he was a burglar and then told him he looked like one!); one of our visitors said "those kids are ODD".

It culminated today with one of them yelling at me "hello, hello, your mum looks like a big smelly poo". I replied mildly "that's a bit rude isn't it" and walked off but it's really got to me as my Mum is no longer with us and I miss her, and it's upset me.

It's made me want to go over there and rage at them to keep their rude little shits civil but I've done nothing so far as I am sure I'm reacting because of Mum.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with neighbour kids who are progressively stepping over the line and getting ruder and ruder? Should I have just yelled back at the kid and scared him? Any advice very welcomed as I don't want this to become a "thing".
Thank you x

OP posts:
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 30/05/2021 19:23

Inflicting your many children on your neighbours is like allowing your multiple cats free rein to shit in other peoples gardens.
My previous neighbour had 6 brats. They used to make me feel suicidal.

BigHeadBertha · 30/05/2021 19:29

@LyndaLaHughes

Say "I beg your pardon, what did you say to me? Shall we call your mum so she can hear it too?"
Yes.
Bluntness100 · 30/05/2021 19:32

Honestly id just laugh this off to be honest, I understand it’s upsetting you so go speak to thr parents. No good will come from speaking to the kids directly.

EmeraldShamrock · 30/05/2021 19:35

Speak to the parents if that fails go for the haunted house comment.

user1471453601 · 30/05/2021 19:39

My daughter, now 50, insists that I have a " look" which silences children at ten yards.

I don't know if it only works on her (apparently I still do it on occaisons) but she insists it worked on all her friends when she was small.

I think it's something like:

Chin down, eyebrows raised, eyes wide, mouth downturn.

She insists my Mum had the same "look" too.

Maybe you can learn it, maybe it's something that you have to experience before you can emulate.

It also seems to work on our puppy, if I can get her to look in my direction when she's misbehaving.

As you'd expect, it has no impact on cats.

Before I retired, I did notice I could signal my displeasure to others in the same way.

It also seems to help if you wear glasses.

starsparkle08 · 30/05/2021 19:51

My son has autism adhd , tic disorder and learning difficulties . He comes out with dreadful things ( almost 10) but he’s never out of my eyesight for this reason . He said he wanted to kill our elderly neighbour and ran towards him with me in hot pursuit . He squirted him with the hose pipe which I was very grateful for to be honest and I’m not sure he heard the comment my son made or not .

Perhaps these children also have something going on , however they should be supervised closely if this is the case

AlternativePerspective · 30/05/2021 20:03

There is to much thinking that adults should never discipline other people’s children and it is IMO this which is part of the reason why so many children are horrible little brats these days. They have a “you can’t do anything to me” attitude and it needs to stop.

I know some adults aren’t confident telling off other peoples children but tbh that’s on them and they should grow a backbone.

I would absolutely tell the little fuckers that they were being rude, and if they didn’t stop there would be consequences. And if they did it again I absolutely would spray them with a hose.

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 30/05/2021 20:05

With the best will in the world I think it might have upset you more because of your mum Flowers
I would just go over and say to the parents that the kids shouted out rudely to you and a guest and you’re sure it was a one off but wanted them to know.

Geamhradh · 30/05/2021 20:09

Mumsnet is weird.
If this were the mother saying the neighbours had moaned about her 10 and 7 year olds saying stupid stuff that typical 10 and 7 year olds say to people, all hell would be let loose on the neighbours.

But yes, say to them something like what's been suggested above.

babbaloushka · 30/05/2021 20:12

Speak to parents, explain about your mum and if they're decent people they'll discipline the kids.

thequeenoftarts · 30/05/2021 20:14

You could just test the waters and say well lets see what your Mam and Dad think of you being so rude to me, and you can say - I will pop over later for a chat with your parents..

Works one of two ways, they will look scared and behave or be all bravado and say tell them and you will know the parents don't give two hoots either

DadDadDad · 30/05/2021 20:20

@Geamhradh

Mumsnet is weird. If this were the mother saying the neighbours had moaned about her 10 and 7 year olds saying stupid stuff that typical 10 and 7 year olds say to people, all hell would be let loose on the neighbours.

But yes, say to them something like what's been suggested above.

I think you're mistaken about the weirdness of MN.

If MN were presented with the reverse scenario, then the responses would be varied and there would be plenty of disagreement, just as there is on this thread. MN is not a hive mind - sure, there are some responses you can predict, and some posters will always extrapolate wild inferences from the given information, but many of us strive to give balanced, thoughtful answers.

I think there might be power in writing a child's comment down as soon as they say it, then taking it round to the parent. "I think you ought to know that your child said this to me" - then hand over the note. No need to ask for any particular action - leave it to the parent to realise you've taken it seriously, and they need to find an appropriate response.

Hardertobreathe · 30/05/2021 20:33

I must confess I really don't understand this trend of "telling the parents" and the idea that as an adult it's inappropriate to tell off a child who is behaving badly.
@DeRigueurMortis that’s how I felt until I told DC’s classmate to please stop kicking him, only to have the little lambs DM came at me snarling “I’m not having anyone tell my child off”. It seems that’s the way a lot of parents think these days!

Thelikelylass · 30/05/2021 20:37

I saw a really good tactic once in a film - bend over, whisper in their ear so no one can hear or see you that the next time they do it you'll "rip their heads off and shit down their necks'" - seemed to work in the movies...

flippertygibbit · 30/05/2021 20:40

I wouldn't bother with the 'parents'. I'm old school, scare the bejesus out of them - love the haunted bedroom idea.

flippertygibbit · 30/05/2021 20:41

@user1471453601

My daughter, now 50, insists that I have a " look" which silences children at ten yards.

I don't know if it only works on her (apparently I still do it on occaisons) but she insists it worked on all her friends when she was small.

I think it's something like:

Chin down, eyebrows raised, eyes wide, mouth downturn.

She insists my Mum had the same "look" too.

Maybe you can learn it, maybe it's something that you have to experience before you can emulate.

It also seems to work on our puppy, if I can get her to look in my direction when she's misbehaving.

As you'd expect, it has no impact on cats.

Before I retired, I did notice I could signal my displeasure to others in the same way.

It also seems to help if you wear glasses.

I've got the look down to a fine art...........even use it in work :)
Lancrelady80 · 30/05/2021 20:42

"Kids being kids"... I despair.

Do NOT just let this go and ignore it, they'll crank it up and push the boundaries even more as they'll mark you down as weak.

Kids being kids = silly, maybe saying things without thinking (the burglar comment might come under that, depends on tone which obv we don't have here, or could have been deliberately rude.) But there is absolutely no excuse for the poo comment. It's probably too late to do much about it now but be ready for next time, and tell parents about this at that time too.

Lancrelady80 · 30/05/2021 20:47

Sorry, that wasn't clear. Do not let this type of behaviour go by trying to take the high road and ignore it. It's probably too late to do anything about this particular incident right now, but absolutely pull them up on the next occasion right there and then, and explain that you already let this one go for the sake of neighbourly harmony/because you were so shocked, but that you knew they'd want to know how their children feel it is appropriate to speak to others.

Scabetty · 30/05/2021 20:51

10 year olds should know better. I would say ‘do you want me to speak to your mum/dad about how rude you are?’ Or ‘I know your Head Teacher and can have a chat with her about you if you like’. Or I might say ‘your mum looks like poo and smells of it’. Depends on my mood Wink

skodadoda · 30/05/2021 20:52

@Iooselipssinkships

Kids being kids? Hardly. More like kids being nasty and horrible. I'd be mortified if mine were behaving like that.
Absolutely. The ‘kids being kids’ comment is is code for lazy parenting.
Pinchoftums · 30/05/2021 20:56

We had similar with the kid next door. We did the following and it worked;

  1. Said "that's rude Cain don't be mean"
  2. Told his parents every time
  3. Was really friendly with him when we saw him, much harder to be rude to someone who's nice to you.

He is now a very naughty teenager but very polite to us!

CathyorClaire · 30/05/2021 21:04

@HadaVerde

Tell them their bedrooms are haunted.
Grin Grin Grin

This^^

Gothichouse40 · 30/05/2021 21:06

The more you react, the more they will do this. I would ignore them and they will get bored eventually.

lunar1 · 30/05/2021 21:09

You've got to wonder how some people raise their children with comments like 'it's just kids being kids'

All our children act out at times, it doesn't mean we don't reprimand them.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/05/2021 21:10

The more you react, the more they will do this. I would ignore them and they will get bored eventually

Nope. They will know that they can enhance their status by shouting whatever they want at you, because you do not know how to deal with it.