Neighbour's children - need advice or to be told if I am overreacting!

[bluecampbell]

Hello all,
We have relatively new neighbours next door, an older couple, their son and I assume daughter in law, and four children under the age of 10. We've bumped along okay with them so far, a few friendly exchanges but not much more. The kids are a bit noisy but it's never been a huge issue.

However their two older kids (I think 10 and 7 or 8) are starting to be really quite rude when they see us, they've yelled a few things at my husband which he's ignored, and they've questioned people coming to our house (they asked one visitor if he was a burglar and then told him he looked like one!); one of our visitors said "those kids are ODD".

It culminated today with one of them yelling at me "hello, hello, your mum looks like a big smelly poo". I replied mildly "that's a bit rude isn't it" and walked off but it's really got to me as my Mum is no longer with us and I miss her, and it's upset me.

It's made me want to go over there and rage at them to keep their rude little shits civil but I've done nothing so far as I am sure I'm reacting because of Mum.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with neighbour kids who are progressively stepping over the line and getting ruder and ruder? Should I have just yelled back at the kid and scared him? Any advice very welcomed as I don't want this to become a "thing".
Thank you x

My neighbour is forever posting on social media about her children being “beautiful humans”. I’m sure they are at home, but they are also pretty rude, and naughty. After they did “knockers” on our door once too often I said to them that I had been keeping a note of all the rude things they have been saying, and all the bell ringing, and that we would go together to see their mum, right now, and show her my list. I have never seen sorrier children. They are nice as pie now.

(Obviously there was no list. Their mum is a lone parent and really has her hands full, so I wouldn’t have wanted to upset her, but it was becoming extremely annoying.)

Sorry about your mum ❤️
Best to nip it in the bud before summer holidays start. Speak to the parents directly, ideally in front of grandparents (who might 🤞🏻be a bit sterner and have more respect). I would be so embarrassed if my children acted like this, parents and grandparents would have killed me if it was me. They are being little shits and looking a reaction so don’t give them one. Must be a big house if they are all living in there. Hopefully they aren’t learning from parents. Had neighbours like this went to parents, they got worse over time, parents were druggies so kids now late teens are too. They were ‘removed from the area’ eventually but years of hell.

If they do it again walk straight over to their house giving them no eye contact and knock on the door. Difficult but try to remain calm

video record their behaviour and keep records of things dates and times prepare for any escalating issues. But do have a quiet word with the parents, I would certainly expect strangers especially my neighbours to inform me if my kids were being rude. And they are being rude testing how far they can go. I hope this ends well as some parents don't care who their children are annoying as long as its not them. Where others will nip it in the bud. Good Luck.

Definitely flag this with the parents. There response to what you tell them will be very telling as to how they raise their children and may give you some indication as to how they are able to deal with this situation. If you don't do something they will continue.

Personally I have no time for rude kids. Don't get me wrong kids will push their luck etc but there is a limit.

I think the first time I would have let it slide but that incident with them speaking about your mother. I would have told them children should have manners and if you speak to me like that again I will inform your parents immediately.

When you inform their parents let them no its not the first time and you have let it go up until now but enough is enough.

They live with those kids, no matter what they say they know what the children are like and will be well aware of how rude these children are. Good luck OP.

You're over reacting.
You should have just told them their mum smells of poo as well and laughed it off

Absolutely address it. If it was my children I would want to know and would 100% pull them up on it.

one of our visitors said "those kids are ODD"

Do you mean your visitor thinks both of your neighbours’ children have a diagnosis of oppositions defiance disorder? Or that they are odd?

Record them doing it, either a bodycam or CCTV that has audio. Then when you complain to the parents (record this also) you will have evidence.

Don’t record them!

I’d just go round and say that you know they’re just kids pushing the boundaries, but it’s starting to get a bit wearing, especially when they’re being rude to your visitors.

Keep really calm and employ your best sense of humour face- kids love an enemy, so do act like one. They’re looking for a reaction!

I would tell them off and tell them that you are speaking to the parents and or school

*don’t act like one

Speak to the parents. Also a mild response wont help, if they are being rude tell then off

This is not kids being kids. It is disrespectful. If it were my DS being like this I would want to know! My DS would be marched around to apologise and the behavior would stop.

I would tell the parents flatly that you are upset with their reference to your DM, they have upset your DH and visitors and you expect something to do be done. If it doesn't stop then I would tell the DC each and every time; become the scary neighbor!

This kind of ages me but when I was a child you KNEW not to be rude to anyone and if you were you knew it would get back to your Dad before you got home! Often people would tell DC off.

@HadaVerde

Tell them their bedrooms are haunted.

Or even better, tell them why it's haunted and make up a really gory story about what happened to the last children that lived there.........

I'd tell the parents and tell them that I'll be telling them off myself if/when they did it again. That should make the parents have words with them themselves.

Can't believe how many people on this thread say that only they can tell their kids off. Why? This is a huge problem in society today. Also we all have different tolerance levels to various behaviour and that is how they (are supposed) to learn this.....

@Howshouldibehave

one of our visitors said "those kids are ODD"

Do you mean your visitor thinks both of your neighbours’ children have a diagnosis of oppositions defiance disorder? Or that they are odd?

Hi Howshouldibehave (great username btw!)

I had to google that! No, he just meant that they were asking quite strange questions of him when he came to our house. Our drive borders their garden and there's a gate at the end of it so you have to get out of the car to open it; that's when they come up and start shouting questions over the fence. He said that the questions were very strange, all about him and what he was doing there, and what he had in his car, that kind of thing and it didn't sit well with him.

I'm reading everyone's replies and they are so helpful, thank you. We don't have kids and it's difficult sometimes to know if you are overstepping a mark these days. When I was growing up we had a garden which backed onto an old chap's veggie plot - we all used to hang over the wall and ask what he was growing and he would tell us but when he got fed up with us he'd tell us to bugger off!

Thank you for the lovely comments on my Mum. Somehow anything directed at her seems to be a million times worse, and gives me the absolute rage.

xx

You could carry an air horn and sound it while they speak.

Just say to them "you are being very rude don't speak to me like that you should know better"

If the kids speak/behave like that, I doubt you will get any sense from the parents! Throw a bucket of ice water over them... do them well.

I had similar happen to me. I told the cheeky little sods that I was a witch and that she would come to their room in the middle of the night if they are ever cheeky to me again. I said I had done it to the people who lived there before them and they had to leave the house. Never had any more trouble from them.

It's situational. Myself, I would want to know as a parent. I'd be open to you calling out my child on it also. However, these are your neighbours. In reality, you have to be careful with neighbours. Complaining now could lead to the kids keying you car in 5 years.
Sorry to hear about the loss of your mom.
Hope it all works out.

Keep your mobile in your hand and then tell the children you have just recorded what they said. Tell them any more rudeness and you will play it to their parents. Then I would make a massive attempt at friendship with the parents.....

If I were their mother; I'd want to know! I would be marching them around to your house and making them apologise!
I would be apologising profusely too.

@WhoWants2Know

I'd possibly walk right past the child to knock on his parents door. Then I'd ask the child to repeat exactly what they just said in front of the parent.

Either the kid admits it and the parents deal with it, or the kid refuses to own up--in which case the parent knows the kid says something they're ashamed of.

This! I would do this.