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Original poster

Neighbour's children - need advice or to be told if I am overreacting!

175 replies

bluecampbell · 30/05/2021 17:06

Hello all,
We have relatively new neighbours next door, an older couple, their son and I assume daughter in law, and four children under the age of 10. We've bumped along okay with them so far, a few friendly exchanges but not much more. The kids are a bit noisy but it's never been a huge issue.

However their two older kids (I think 10 and 7 or 8) are starting to be really quite rude when they see us, they've yelled a few things at my husband which he's ignored, and they've questioned people coming to our house (they asked one visitor if he was a burglar and then told him he looked like one!); one of our visitors said "those kids are ODD".

It culminated today with one of them yelling at me "hello, hello, your mum looks like a big smelly poo". I replied mildly "that's a bit rude isn't it" and walked off but it's really got to me as my Mum is no longer with us and I miss her, and it's upset me.

It's made me want to go over there and rage at them to keep their rude little shits civil but I've done nothing so far as I am sure I'm reacting because of Mum.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with neighbour kids who are progressively stepping over the line and getting ruder and ruder? Should I have just yelled back at the kid and scared him? Any advice very welcomed as I don't want this to become a "thing".
Thank you x

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 31/05/2021 19:35

If anyone were to shout at my child they would have me to deal with

I was in a park area the other day (not a children's park, green space with seating near the canal, groupd od adults sitting, chatting with glasses of wine). A child stood really close to me (less than half a metre) at my ear height, and kept shouting/screaming at parents.
Parents could see what it was doing, and how close it was standing to me, but had a shouted conversation with it.
I told it to shut the fuck up and go away.
It went.

Parents should control their offspring.

Chillychangchoo · 31/05/2021 19:37

@ThinWomansBrain

I think we would get on 🤣🤣🤣

Splann · 31/05/2021 19:41

The kid down the road (and his little mates) tried being rude to us when we first moved in. I’d worked out what his name was and the next time he tried it I said “oh hi, Wally how’s your mum, tell her I said hi” I think the direct connection was completely off-putting as he stopped. I didn’t know his mum at all at that point. I vaguely know her now and I don’t think she would have done much if I’d told her Hmm

If that doesn’t work, go for the haunted idea Grin

poohsticks30 · 31/05/2021 19:43

@TheYearOfSmallThings

If anyone were to shout at my child they would have me to deal with. If she has done/said something let me know and I'll deal with it but nobody disciplines my child except me!

If your 10 year old is out shouting abuse at your neighbour, then somebody other than you needs to be disciplining them for everyone's sake.

My 4 year old won't be. If she does when she is 10 feel free to come and tell me- more than happy to deal with it but it is not a strangers responsibility to discipline my child
eatsleepread · 31/05/2021 19:44

Cheeky wee shites. I agree with telling the parents. No way should they get away with this behaviour.

poohsticks30 · 31/05/2021 19:45

@nancywhitehead

If anyone were to shout at my child they would have me to deal with. If she has done/said something let me know and I'll deal with it but nobody disciplines my child except!

Even if your child was being a little s* and said something really insulting?

At 8-10 years old kids should know better than to shout insults at strangers, and if they behave this way then they should experience the consequences of however those strangers might react (obviously within reason!)

My daughter wouldn't but if she did I would be more than happy to provide the consequences but that isn't anyone else's responsibility. As long as parents are aware of what is going on they should be the one providing the consequences. You also never know why the child is acting that way- there may be underlying situations that you are unaware of
Sceptre86 · 31/05/2021 19:51

Speak to their parents. My son is going through a phase of saying 'stinky bum bum' out loud but not actually at anyone. Not sure where he has picked it up from as his sister doesn't say things like that. We continue to address it as words can upset people so he needs to understand that.

Skyla2005 · 31/05/2021 19:56

I'd just ignore the little shits

SofiaAmes · 31/05/2021 19:59

Sounds like the kids are trying to get attention...maybe something not so great is happening in the household and that's their way of calling attention to it. I guess you need to talk to the parents, but maybe do so while bearing in mind that they may be the source of the issue. (Depression or other mental health issues or DV or general neglect...)

Rachand23 · 31/05/2021 20:07

Move house

RubyViolet · 31/05/2021 20:21

@HadaVerde

Tell them their bedrooms are haunted.
Comment of the day.
Feeasco · 31/05/2021 20:23

I would hate to have constant running dialogue every time I approached or left my home. These comments are rude and I would approach the parents, not the children. If you leave it they will push the boundaries and things could escalate. What does hubby suggest?

Seahorsemama · 31/05/2021 20:27

Why don’t you tell them something that scares the shit out of them.... and if they tell the parents ... deny it.
Likely they won’t speak to you again

mynameisbiggles · 31/05/2021 20:30

A quick blast with the hose pipe with a "oh, sorry my hand slipped" usually sorts out the brats.

SirVixofVixHall · 31/05/2021 20:30

@HadaVerde

Tell them their bedrooms are haunted.
Grin
TiberiusNero · 31/05/2021 20:34

I’m genuinely quite shocked that people think it’s not ok to pull these kids up on their behaviour. If my neighbour’s kids spoke to me that way, I’d have no hesitation in telling them that it’s rude and unacceptable.

QioiioiioQ · 31/05/2021 20:42

I told it to shut the fuck up and go away
presumably after checking that the parents didnt look like the type to head butt you?

Slippy78 · 31/05/2021 20:52

If tenants, deal with LL.
What?
It's absolutely nothing to do with the landlord.

CocoStar555 · 31/05/2021 20:58

Appalling behaviour from rude children!

I would suggest either:

  1. Try speaking to their parents (but the OP will be the best judge of whether this is a possible, as some parents will defend their little darlings regardless of what they've done).

or:

  1. Check out their school uniform, from which you can deduce which school they go to. Then make a complaint about their behaviour to the school.

These kids may either grow out of it or turn into feckless teens, if they are not disciplined and shown the consequences of their actions.

Obviously, if they're really feral then it would be wise to assess the risk of becoming a target as a "neighbour who complained".

GintyMcGinty · 31/05/2021 21:02

If my kids were behaving like this I would be quite happy for you to tell them off and I would want to know and would appreciate you telling me.

Schoolnoshow · 31/05/2021 21:03

For people claiming it's not others responsibility to discipline your child-bollocks. If you aren't around to discipline and a child is being rude, they need pulling up on it there and then. It's a far better learning experience and they might realise you can't just go around abusing members of the public. I'm not advocating scaring the children-although the haunted bedroom idea is pretty funny-they just have to realise other people can implement rules/tell them off in life.

notanothertakeaway · 31/05/2021 21:26

@2bazookas

I would type out a list of the comments (and who said them and who to) and when you've got a collection, take it round to the parents when the kids are at school (or in bed) and say " This is upsetting, please deal with it".

If they deal withit, well and good.

If they don't; are they owners or tenants? If tenants, deal with LL.

Would a landlord intervene because a tenant's (grand)child is cheeky to a neighbour?!
SchadenfreudePersonified · 31/05/2021 21:26

@ThinWomansBrain

If anyone were to shout at my child they would have me to deal with

I was in a park area the other day (not a children's park, green space with seating near the canal, groupd od adults sitting, chatting with glasses of wine). A child stood really close to me (less than half a metre) at my ear height, and kept shouting/screaming at parents.
Parents could see what it was doing, and how close it was standing to me, but had a shouted conversation with it.
I told it to shut the fuck up and go away.
It went.

Parents should control their offspring.

You did right.

Ot takes a village to raise a child.

BigHeadBertha · 31/05/2021 21:39

I like the suggestion to first politely ask the children if they'd like you to tell their parents how they're behaving.

That will probably put a stop to it right there but if not, then speak with the parents or grandparents.

MrsBadcrumble123 · 31/05/2021 21:58

Ignore