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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I'll never bother again

288 replies

Rosebel · 30/05/2021 11:16

Yesterday discussed with my older children and husband about going out today. They all seemed enthusiastic about it.
Except none of them bothered to get up until now. DD2 asked when we're going out but I said we weren't going now.
Weather is shit now and I'm pissed off with them. Yes I could have got them up earlier but they are teenagers and husband is supposed to be an adult. They all knew we were supposed to be going out.
My husband is bitchimg at me saying I should have woken him but FFS he knew the plan.
Got myself and baby ready but now just think why did I bother? So shall I just say fuck it, no more days out?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 30/05/2021 14:16

There's something in that, SamMaxFrankieDuke. I'm an early bird, my husband's a night owl. There's no point either of us screaming at the other because we're out of our 'time zone', we either compromise or one or other of us takes the kids out.

I appreciate what TheYearOfSmallThings has said and looking back, I know my mum really worked hard to get us all out but, we were out very early in the morning to get to where she particularly wanted to go - and we'd be back quite late in the evening. It was exhausting and I take care not to follow that routine because it really wasn't enjoyable.

I think that as soon as something becomes a 'chore' then it needs modifying - or dropping - because if it's making the people you love miserable then, what's the actual point?

mariemare · 30/05/2021 14:18

It's very passive aggressive. I could understand you being so hacked off if you'd attempted to wake them all up and they'd stayed in bed, but you didn't even try. I'm not saying it's your job necessarily, but whoever woke up on time should have tried to wake up the others. Because, you all wanted to go, right? You didn't want to quietly sulk and wait for everyone else to get up late so you could tell them that they'd ruined everything and you were right?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 30/05/2021 14:20

I think that as soon as something becomes a 'chore' then it needs modifying - or dropping - because if it's making the people you love miserable then, what's the actual point?

Absolutely agreed. My mum was nervous because we planned to go somewhere one day and I refused to say what time we are leaving. It's ba day off, when we go, we go. The eoods will be there at 11 as they will at 3

melj1213 · 30/05/2021 14:21

Yabu - it's a Sunday of a bank holiday weekend, unless you were planning on going somewhere like a theme park/attraction or a day trip to somewhere far away that would necessitate an early start to make the trip worth it then there is no "need" to be up and out early just for the sake of it.

My mum was always one for insisting everyone was up at the crack of dawn to get an early start, it just meant at least one of us was tired or grumpy and everything was always done by mid afternoon and we were then bored.

I am not a morning person, I work late and have to get up early to get DD to school during the week, so weekends are the time for a lie in and we don't regularly plan anything for before 10am. Even only getting up at 10.30 today DD and I have been into town, walked to a local pub for a Sunday lunch and we haven't long got home. We might walk up to sit in my parents garden later but we also might just have a lazy afternoon of catching up on little jobs around the house.

SengaMac · 30/05/2021 14:35

@Rosebel

Although my husband is getting everyone up and getting everything sorted for tomorrow because I'm still pissed off with him.
He should do this anyway, as you have the baby to look after.
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/05/2021 14:48

I get you, OP.

My DH is an early riser, so I wouldn't have this problem with him. My problem with him is that he thinks I should organise the DC and that he shouldn't have to. This morning DS2 had a football thing on, I didn't need to go or be up in time for it, so I didn't get up. DH neglected to push DS2 to be ready in time (as is required for the stroppy 8yo) and then, rather than do the hard yards himself, seemed to think that I should be the one to get up and get the kid ready. Nope - not my circus mate, get on with it yourself.

DS1 is usually able to get himself up and sorted in time at weekends as well as during the week - DS2 requires a LOT more management and will become a nightmare as a teen - so I can see a lot more of your style of problem becoming a general "thing" as DS2 gets older, and I can very much see me reacting exactly as you have!

Panaesthesia · 30/05/2021 14:48

It's frankly fucking hard at the moment to motivate oneself and others to go out anywhere. We're only a couple of weeks into being allowed to do so.

Chill out and accept not everyone's going to immediately leap for joy at going out right now.

Set an alarm, wake everyone up and organise as a family. Try and be supportive rather than having a strop at 11am.

Lesartisansetlessansculottes · 30/05/2021 15:04

@CokeDrinker

What normal teenager gets up before 11ish on a Sunday? You're way over-reacting. Why not go LATER THIS AFTERNOON? Why does it have to be morning? Why? Just because you decided, and ignored the wishes of the rest of your family? Stop being selfish. If you won't to go out at stupid o'clock on a Sunday morning, why can't you go by yourself? Why are you trying to force your way on your family? If someone tried to remove me from my bed before 11 or 12 on a Sunday as a teen, they'd be told exactly what's what! Go late this afternoon, like normal people do. What is it with strange morning people who think everyone must do things their way? If your DH and teens want to go later, then you are over-ruled and instead being 'pissed off' you should accept you are in the minority, and you should do it their way.
She said before you posted that the kids decided the time. So that's why. Clearly you think you are an expert on what normal people do. I think normal people talk to their teenagers, and, you know, listen to them. Strange people are those who think they know better than everybody. So the teenagers in your life would presumably be overruled by you, because you know what is normal. Whatever they say. Hmm
Cherrysoup · 30/05/2021 15:19

Just get them up, I don’t really understand. Yes, it’s annoying, yes, they have alarms,, but if you want everyone up and put, kick your dh out of bed (how does he sleep so late?!) and get him to get the kids up. 11am is the earliest I’d be ready after walking the dogs/sorting breakfast/myself out.

Triffid1 · 30/05/2021 15:20

I think it's your DH that has you so mad. I'm guessing that if he'd got up at the right time and helped with the prep etc, you wouldn't have minded putting some effort into waking the teenagers etc.

Do you always get up with the baby and do all the thinking and prep work?

frankenpoodle · 30/05/2021 15:42

I wouldn't have bothered getting myself and the baby ready without knocking on doors or calling the others. It doesn't take that much time or effort to do. If you do that and they still don't get up and dress, then you're justified in being annoyed.

If you want them to be ready at a certain time, then ask them to set an alarm and be responsible for getting themselves up and ready.

Original poster
Rosebel · 30/05/2021 17:36

I think part of it is the fact I have to get up with our baby and sort him out every day but everyone else can't sort themselves out
I'm calmer now anyway and we went out to a massive park instead and are going to a bbq at sister in law's soon.
I know I did overreact this morning but I think it was a combination of lots of things. I tend to store things up and then loose it over something small.

OP posts:
IgglePiggleHater · 30/05/2021 17:51

It's annoying to be treated like a human alarm clock.

When you're cook, housemaid, laundrette and nanny all rolled into one, it's a step too far to have to add that and professional motivator to your resume.

Would they like you to breathe for them as well?

bonbonours · 30/05/2021 17:57

Like others here I would be irritated but would also have gone in with a breezy "don't forget we're leaving at 10" at around 9am, and not taken no for an answer.

Coldwine75 · 30/05/2021 17:58

Blimey 11am is not even late , why cant you just go out at lunchtime? Bit of an over reaction....

katy1213 · 30/05/2021 18:08

It was only 11am - the day was young! But where were you planning to go with teenagers and a baby? They'd probably prefer to hang out with their friends.

Lsquiggles · 30/05/2021 18:11

I think it's a bit sad that everyone was clearly looking forward to going out and you were sat downstairs seething over something you could've easily changed, therefore setting the day up to be a negative one. I agree they're all old enough to wake themselves up but they didn't, giving them a nudge wouldn't have been too much surely?

DeciduousPerennial · 30/05/2021 18:43

Conversely, if they were all looking forward to going out it wouldn’t have been too much for them to get themselves up to be ready for the time they themselves picked would it?

Original poster
Rosebel · 30/05/2021 20:04

Well they said they wanted to go, perhaps they didn't. Anyway I admit I overreacted but we managed to have a nice day.
It was a 90 minute journey and none of them were actually ready to go so we wouldn't have left until at least 12, probably later. I didn't want to leave late because then we would have got home late. Not an issue for my teens but would be for my baby.

OP posts:
SamMaxFrankieDuke · 30/05/2021 22:50

11am when you are up 3arly with a baby is lunchtime.

Of they truly wanted to go they would have woken themselves up.

Let your DH sort them and the bay out tomorrow morning. Avoid ambiguity by stating yo in expect him to an take hi turn with the baby tomorrow. Catch up with sleep or walk around the local park as you want. .

Next time they suggest going somewhere say that a day out sounds great of they are on the road by xyx, After that, you'll be making alternative plans. And make 'em.

feistymumma · 31/05/2021 17:09

YABU, what is so difficult about waking everyone up? Are you Miss Perfect in everything else?

Original poster
Rosebel · 31/05/2021 21:36

@feistymumma

YABU, what is so difficult about waking everyone up? Are you Miss Perfect in everything else?
Um, where did I say I was perfect?
OP posts:
SamMaxFrankieDuke · 31/05/2021 23:24

@feistymumma

YABU, what is so difficult about waking everyone up? Are you Miss Perfect in everything else?
Waking everyone might feel like wife work, especially if only one of the grown ups is pulling their weight with the baby or if rallying ten troops always falls to them? Women are expected to take on more of the cognitive and emotional workload in a family. Maybe the op is fed up dealing with this shit?

If I had a young baby, their schedule would take precedence.

IgglePiggleHater · 31/05/2021 23:48

Sometimes it is nice not to be responsible for absolutely everything. It is surely not beyond the wit of one fully-functioning adult (albeit of the male variety) and a couple of teens to get themselves up and ready to leave at the agreed time. Why should the OP, having got up early with the baby, then have to traipse round the house booting them all out of bed as well?

Dustinto · 01/06/2021 00:26

I totally understand OP YANBU

Why should you have to take on the burden of reminding them to get up? It’s only a small thing knocking on their doors but it’s another thing to think about when you already have a baby to care for. I think PP describing it as wife work is right, it’s another burden which falls to you. I’d have gone out without them especially DH. Also don’t understand the number of people telling you to go out later, even free attractions need to be pre booked here now due to covid.