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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I'll never bother again

288 replies

Rosebel · 30/05/2021 11:16

Yesterday discussed with my older children and husband about going out today. They all seemed enthusiastic about it.
Except none of them bothered to get up until now. DD2 asked when we're going out but I said we weren't going now.
Weather is shit now and I'm pissed off with them. Yes I could have got them up earlier but they are teenagers and husband is supposed to be an adult. They all knew we were supposed to be going out.
My husband is bitchimg at me saying I should have woken him but FFS he knew the plan.
Got myself and baby ready but now just think why did I bother? So shall I just say fuck it, no more days out?

OP posts:
Wheresmybiscuit3 · 30/05/2021 11:40

I get it. They should be able to sort themselves out by now

Cushionsnotpillows · 30/05/2021 11:41

You agreed 10am, you posted at 11am, not a massive difference why not just get in the car and go anyway?

But yes I agree it shouldn't be your job to chivvy them all up. I understand your frustration. I would still try to have a good day though. Maybe somewhere closer?

CaseBasket · 30/05/2021 11:42

YABU

Mellonsprite · 30/05/2021 11:43

Annoying but I think you’re cutting your nose off to spite your face (plus my teenagers would probably prefer not to come on a day out).
I would either go yourself now, or tell DH to get ready ASAP and leave everyone else behind.

Italiangreyhound · 30/05/2021 11:53

I have a teen and a 10 year old. I never, ever, plan to do anything with them in the morning. I would not plan to go out until after lunch.

Ickythefirebobby · 30/05/2021 11:53

Why wouldn’t you wake them. You’ve set yourself up to be disappointed by sitting there seething instead of giving them a nudge. There’s still time to go out and ha e a nice lunch and afternoon.

sashagabadon · 30/05/2021 11:56

Say you’ll be ready to leave by 10.30am tomorrow for whoever wants to join you and just leave at that time

WellLarDeDar · 30/05/2021 11:57

Next time go without them and take the little one with you. Their loss they should have got up. I appreciate a lot of PPs are saying 'why didn't you just wake them up' but I understand how you feel, you can't always be using your energy to drive everyone else forward it's exhausting trying to motivate people. They should be able to get themselves out of bed FFS.

sHREDDIES19 · 30/05/2021 11:59

Sounds like you’ve self sabotaged the day out to prove a point. Bit childish really.

DysmalRadius · 30/05/2021 11:59

Why wouldn’t you wake them. You’ve set yourself up to be disappointed by sitting there seething instead of giving them a nudge.

Because if you always do that, they will never learn to do it for themselves, as evidenced by the other adult in the house failing to get himself up too. Not babying older children isn't 'setting yourself up to be disappointed', it's teaching them that if they want to do the fun things then they have to be part of making it happen.

ChubbyLittleManInACampervan · 30/05/2021 12:00

I just shout at mine:”we are leaving in half an hour”

No martyr-like waiting whilst quietly seething

Just knock on their door

Or just go without them , and set off at agreed time with whoever is ready

DeciduousPerennial · 30/05/2021 12:00

It’s not your job to get everyone up.

YANBU

Amelia666 · 30/05/2021 12:01

YABU there’s still loads of day left!

Mumoblue · 30/05/2021 12:01

Next time take the baby and go by yourself, have a nice time.
It’s not your job to wake your husband up or your kids who are old enough to do it themselves.

It’s not a mum’s job to be a maid to their family.

ChubbyLittleManInACampervan · 30/05/2021 12:02

@DysmalRadius my kids can get themselves up for school or work, but for weekend outings I wake them

I don’t think it sets them up for a lifetime of failure or whatever Grin

Original poster
Rosebel · 30/05/2021 12:02

I could have got them up I suppose but I don't see why I should. They (kids) decided the time so I thought it was reasonable.
We're going to go to the park after lunch as long as the weather holds. It keeps clouding over quite a lot but as long as it doesn't rain.
Don't expect the teenagers will come but if they get up tomorrow we'll do today's plan.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosebel · 30/05/2021 12:03

Although my husband is getting everyone up and getting everything sorted for tomorrow because I'm still pissed off with him.

OP posts:
IgglePiggleHater · 30/05/2021 12:07

Take the baby out somewhere and then stop for a nice coffee and piece of cake if they have a nap. Take a book with you. You'll feel better for getting out of the house.

Grab a takeaway for one on the way home - no cooking for you tonight!

Why is it your responsibility to get everyone in your house ready and jolly them all along? Sounds exhausting.

And your DH sounds like he has the maturity of a 5 year old. What grown-up needs another adult to wake them up?

WeekendWishes · 30/05/2021 12:19

It must have been an extremely time sensitive outing, if so, why not just go ahead and leave them behind. Not the ideal outcome you wanted but sure beats sitting at home upset all morning and missing out on something you really wanted.

If it wasn’t time sensitive... maybe you woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning... something else behind the scenes bothering you?

Bythemillpond · 30/05/2021 12:32

Where were you going that you had to be in the car at 10am otherwise you would have missed it

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 30/05/2021 12:33

@Rosebel

Although my husband is getting everyone up and getting everything sorted for tomorrow because I'm still pissed off with him.
Well it's going to be a riot then, your outing tomorrow, isn't it?

Honestly, I grew up with a mum who was so keen not to waste the day that it felt like all our outings were at invisible gun-point. Is that what you want?

If there wasn't a pressing need to be at the destination at a specific time then I think you should explain - calmly - to your family why it matters so much and stop this childish being 'pissed off'.

Quite honestly, if I were your husband I wouldn't put up with it - and you'd be at home - I'd be taking children and baby out without you. I can't abide sulkers.

Sort out what the issues are, explain - and move on. Family matters and adult tantrums don't deserve attention because they spoil the day for everybody who has to witness them.

I hope you ALL have a fab day tomorrow, weather is looking up now for a few weeks fingers crossed

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/05/2021 12:35

"My husband is bitchimg at me saying I should have woken him but FFS he knew the plan. Got myself and baby ready but now just think why did I bother? So shall I just say fuck it, no more days out?"

He has no right to bitch, he's an adult who decided to abdicate responsibility. He'd be getting serious eyerolling from me. And yes, I'd be abdicating right back - he wants days out, he can organise /chivvy / handle the exasperation.

CokeDrinker · 30/05/2021 12:39

What normal teenager gets up before 11ish on a Sunday? You're way over-reacting. Why not go LATER THIS AFTERNOON? Why does it have to be morning? Why? Just because you decided, and ignored the wishes of the rest of your family? Stop being selfish. If you won't to go out at stupid o'clock on a Sunday morning, why can't you go by yourself? Why are you trying to force your way on your family? If someone tried to remove me from my bed before 11 or 12 on a Sunday as a teen, they'd be told exactly what's what! Go late this afternoon, like normal people do. What is it with strange morning people who think everyone must do things their way? If your DH and teens want to go later, then you are over-ruled and instead being 'pissed off' you should accept you are in the minority, and you should do it their way.

PegasusReturns · 30/05/2021 12:41

Knocking on bedroom doors and yelling at kids to get up is surely par for the course once your DC are over about 10 Hmm

Sitting down stairs martyring yourself only makes you feel bad.

Original poster
Rosebel · 30/05/2021 12:42

I'm not sulking. I'm annoyed a man in his 40s can't get up. I'm annoyed he can't get up and help with his child.
So I just said to him you sort it out tomorrow and that was it. And he can take the kids out on his own if he likes!

OP posts:
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