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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say I'll never bother again

288 replies

Rosebel · 30/05/2021 11:16

Yesterday discussed with my older children and husband about going out today. They all seemed enthusiastic about it.
Except none of them bothered to get up until now. DD2 asked when we're going out but I said we weren't going now.
Weather is shit now and I'm pissed off with them. Yes I could have got them up earlier but they are teenagers and husband is supposed to be an adult. They all knew we were supposed to be going out.
My husband is bitchimg at me saying I should have woken him but FFS he knew the plan.
Got myself and baby ready but now just think why did I bother? So shall I just say fuck it, no more days out?

OP posts:
Peace43 · 30/05/2021 12:42

I’d have gone out without them at 10am as planned!

PegasusReturns · 30/05/2021 12:43

And I can totally relate to @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe and a mother who made every day out utterly miserable in her attempts to “enjoy every minute”

newnortherner111 · 30/05/2021 12:44

YANBU to be annoyed. You should have gone out without them.

MargaretThursday · 30/05/2021 12:45

Honestly, I grew up with a mum who was so keen not to waste the day that it felt like all our outings were at invisible gun-point.

🤣🤣🤣

misspattylacosta · 30/05/2021 12:54

YABU

You sound more like a child than your own kids.
If your DH was huffing and sulking that he had to cancel your plans because you didn't get up, but he didn't even try to wake you up, you would -rightly - think he was being ridiculous.

Would you also miss a flight and a holiday because someone didn't get up and you refuse to give them a shout?

Who can put up with someone being a bad mood all day and so passive aggressive? If I was your husband, I'd take the kids out for the day and leave you sulk.

roguetomato · 30/05/2021 12:57

I think you are making yourself annoyed unnecessarily. I would have woken them up if I were you. It's a lot more easier and less stressful than getting irritated by them not getting up on their own.

littlepattilou · 30/05/2021 12:59

@Rosebel YABU and a bit petulant and bratty.

Why did you not wake them up? Confused

Yeah yeah yeah I KNOW they are adults/teenagers, and are quite capable of waking themselves up, but it's just stupid that you didn't wake them, and are now moaning and whining because you didn't get your day out. Confused

Northernparent68 · 30/05/2021 13:00

Perhaps they did n’t really want to go, and the enthusiasm was for your benefit.

CustardySergeant · 30/05/2021 13:04

[quote littlepattilou]@Rosebel YABU and a bit petulant and bratty.

Why did you not wake them up? Confused

Yeah yeah yeah I KNOW they are adults/teenagers, and are quite capable of waking themselves up, but it's just stupid that you didn't wake them, and are now moaning and whining because you didn't get your day out. Confused[/quote]
My thoughts precisely. Petulant was the first word that sprang to mind when I read the OP.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 30/05/2021 13:05

I 100% would have gone out at 10am with the baby. Or better yet, dumped baby in with DH at bang on 10am and gone out by myself.

littlepattilou · 30/05/2021 13:05

@SamMaxFrankieDuke

Happened here a few weeks ago. Everyone was aware and agreed to be ready to get up and out by 9am. It was after midday by the time they were all up, only DH was showered. If it wasn't for COVID, I'd go without them.

Again, why didn't you wake them? Confused

I swear that some people engineer this type of situation just so that they have something to whinge about.

MachiaNelly · 30/05/2021 13:06

I have a teen and a 10 year old. I never, ever, plan to do anything with them in the morning. I would not plan to go out until after lunch

Sunday's a lie in day for us, and always has been. We all get up when we feel like it. It's only once a week. Unless it's VERY important, like we have a plane/train to catch or something.

Original poster
Rosebel · 30/05/2021 13:06

Well I didn't force the time on anyone. The kids decided the time, it was their decision.
Frankly I couldn't care less if we don't go out. DDs were moaning we never go out so I planned with them for their benefit and they decided to stay in bed.
I'm not controlling. That's why I said to my husband he can sort the day out tomorrow if they want to go. If they don't fine.

OP posts:
ViciousJackdaw · 30/05/2021 13:07

What is so difficult about banging on the door and announcing 'Oi, shake a leg'? OK, people should be able to get up themselves (teens maybe not - it's been proven they need tons of sleep) but for the sake of doing so, you're now all pissy and resentful.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 30/05/2021 13:08

Custardy
They are teens and adults with alarm clocks who had agreed to the departure time. Why should OP have to be a hotel concierge providing a wake service? If they weren't bothered about going out they shouldnt have agreed to the timing.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 30/05/2021 13:09

I have a teen and a 10 year old. I never, ever, plan to do anything with them in the morning. I would not plan to go out until after lunch

If you have a baby who is going get tired and ready for tea by 5pm, that could really limit your day trips if you don't even get out of the house til after lunch.

littlepattilou · 30/05/2021 13:09

@DeathBy1000PipeCleaners

I get it, Rosebel. We're meant to be meeting friends for lunch today: partner is still asleep and it's 11:30.

He will ask why I didn't wake him. He is a grown man with multiple alarm clocks who manages to be on time for work meetings.

Confused Batshit.

Meanwhile in the real world (of normality,) a person would wake the person(s) sleeping in late, and not wreck all the plans made!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/05/2021 13:11

Honestly, I grew up with a mum who was so keen not to waste the day that it felt like all our outings were at invisible gun-point.

I did too, and yes, I would have liked her to ease off. But...when we got into our teens and our whinging and foot dragging became too much, she stopped making us do family outings, and we stopped doing ANY family outings and hung out with our friends instead, which I now realise was a relief to her. Looking back, I appreciate all the effort she went to in the face of our combined uselessness - if she hadn't been a bit of a drill sergeant we never would done anything out of the ordinary. And yes, as a mother I now realise the day does get away from you when you have the ticking bomb of a toddler who turns savage at 5pm.

OP I think your problem here is the combination of teenagers and a baby. In future have a backup plan that you will genuinely enjoy, and let them know in advance that if they don't show their faces as planned, you will be elsewhere.

dudsville · 30/05/2021 13:13

I think you're being passive aggressive because they didn't do it the way you wanted it to be done. You could still turn the weekend around by you and everyone being a little more flexible and considerate following a joint discussion of plans and expectations.

Mandsy100 · 30/05/2021 13:15

You sound like a child throwing their toys. Fgs it's a Sunday, maybe they all just enjoyed the lie in. Seems like you spoilt the day for everyone.

InTheDrunkTank · 30/05/2021 13:16

I can understand being a little annoyed at DH (in general not toay in particular) if he makes sorting the baby and doing all the basic life admin your responsibility. The rest though seems really OTT. Days out with teenagers usually start late. There's plenty of time to leave at 12 have a nice walk, late lunch or early dinner and come home.

catscatsallthecats · 30/05/2021 13:18

@DeathBy1000PipeCleaners what I would do (and have done!) is go to lunch alone, leaving a note for DP to say he can let the friends know why he's not there and I shan't be making excuses for him. Done it once, never needed to again.

peboh · 30/05/2021 13:20

My husband is a bugger for snoozing alarms, even when we have time sensitive activities. Instead of throwing a strop, I just wake him up. I don't understand why people choose to go on the strop, instead of just banging on the door telling them it's time to get up. Then if they don't and continue sleeping the morning away, fair enough, head out with the baby on your own.

Hermanfromguesswho · 30/05/2021 13:21

I wonder if your upset is really because you’ve been up early on your own with the baby, doing everything while your DH and the teenagers sleep in? Is it a pattern that you do everything by default and the rest of the family seem unappreciative?
You thought a day out might be something that you could all enjoy, even you...but no, they went with a lie in for all of them leaving you hanging around (or facing a solo trip out doing all the baby care)

Bythemillpond · 30/05/2021 13:21

Dh used to plan family outings but it always involved getting up at 5am or something ridiculous to beat the crowds or traffic. Everyone was too tired to enjoy being frogmarched round somewhere and we would be home by lunch time and end up going back to bed because we were all knackered.
In the end I said I wasn’t going that early and he stopped coming with us as he didn’t want to be stuck in traffic or in a huge crowd. We would be out all day and have a wonderful time. No traffic and so what there were other people.
Now unless it is for a meal out when we have to book for a particular time and we give him 2 weeks notice and remind him daily he never comes out with us.