To say I'll never bother again

[Rosebel]

Yesterday discussed with my older children and husband about going out today. They all seemed enthusiastic about it.
Except none of them bothered to get up until now. DD2 asked when we're going out but I said we weren't going now.
Weather is shit now and I'm pissed off with them. Yes I could have got them up earlier but they are teenagers and husband is supposed to be an adult. They all knew we were supposed to be going out.
My husband is bitchimg at me saying I should have woken him but FFS he knew the plan.
Got myself and baby ready but now just think why did I bother? So shall I just say fuck it, no more days out?

@Rosebel

I thought I had said it earlier but when I checked realised I hadn't. I'm a bit busy looking after my kids.

Sorry but this comment just confirms my first thoughts - you do like playing the martyr.

How does looking after my kids make me a martyr. Isn't that what parents do?
And yes I have posted in reply to people but when OPs don't reply that is always seen as wrong so that's why I replied.

A few years ago, when my kids were smaller we planned to go to Legoland for DDs birthday. Same situation, rest of the family couldn't be bothered to get ready so in the end we didn't go. Same would have happened yesterday. We planned to go to the beach leaving at 9.30. my husband was busy fiddling with a bicycle after 10 and they all took forever to get ready. We still went but we left after 11, by the time we had driven for miles in bad traffic and stopped for lunch in Subway it was 2pm. We still had a good 2-3 hours on the beach but if we had left the kids to their own devices we'd have gone nowhere. Sometimes you just have to drag them out to save yourself from the insanity of them being glued to screens all day.

The comments on here 😅 Some of you need to get a grip.

Did they get up the next day?

Jeeze, you sound just like my mother.

It sounds like you sabotaged the success of the day. You could easily have woken people earlier if you'd wanted to. Yes, they can get themselves organized but sometimes a little push can make a huge difference too the success of the day.

Why not wake them rather than sitting there seething and being righteous..., honestly, you’re your own worst enemy 🤦‍♀️

Okay. Obviously I was wrong to expect that two teenagers and someone of almost 40 could get out of bed on their own and it's my fault the day didn't go ahead.
Guess I'll know better if I decide to do something nice for them again.

@itsgettingwierd

Why is it OP role to get everyone up?

They agreed a time and then didn't bother to get ready for that time.

I agree. This is an unreasonable assumption. What would have happened if, after the planning, OP had slept in? Of course she can’t can she because she has to be up for the baby. I’m an oldie and I’m constantly surprised that it’s expected that mum is so often responsible for everyone else.

It is not your role to herd your family like they're a flock of sheep. You are absolutely in the right. MN world is nothing like reality. I genuinely don't know why I bother logging in anymore.

OP, you were fine, some people will always fin a way to blame the woman.

I'd just wake them all up and avoid the situation. And go and have a lovely day as planned. Can't be arsed with sweating the small stuff and waiting for problems to occur so that I can moan about it. Life's too short and family life too potentially problematic with real, serious issues to get all het up over a family who have laid in against instructions. Avoid the problem... make sure they're up

You are being petty and quite childish @Rosebel

So imagine an alarm doesn't go off, how difficult is it for you to wake husband - separate bedrooms or not just say it's x o'clock - why just bitch and moan about your family.

You come over as wanting to go out but not bothering to just say it's time to get ready. Hard work OP ends up not having a day out because of pettiness in not wanting to wake people up

@Hesma

Why not wake them rather than sitting there seething and being righteous..., honestly, you’re your own worst enemy 🤦‍♀️

Yes, this.

Quite pathetic really.

@Rosebel

Okay. Obviously I was wrong to expect that two teenagers and someone of almost 40 could get out of bed on their own and it's my fault the day didn't go ahead. Guess I'll know better if I decide to do something nice for them again.

Even better , tell your husband he's getting up with the baby in the morning at the weekends. Even if it's just for one day. That way he takes some responsibility,actually parents and if there are any plans in the future he can corral everyone.

I bet if did more , this wouldn't have even registered.

@Rosebel

Yesterday discussed with my older children and husband about going out today. They all seemed enthusiastic about it. Except none of them bothered to get up until now. DD2 asked when we're going out but I said we weren't going now. Weather is shit now and I'm pissed off with them. Yes I could have got them up earlier but they are teenagers and husband is supposed to be an adult. They all knew we were supposed to be going out. My husband is bitchimg at me saying I should have woken him but FFS he knew the plan. Got myself and baby ready but now just think why did I bother? So shall I just say fuck it, no more days out?

@Rosebel this could be me, have been in your position so many times. They all have alarm clocks, can get up in time for work/school.

We did manage to get out on Monday to a place the teens have been to before and often enjoyed visiting. It was meant to be somewhere they could go and pick a present as a treat for getting through their GCSEs and A levels. Apparently it was very stressful afternoon out, they felt under pressure to buy something - whereas in my head it was an if you see something and would like it I’ll buy it, no pressure, no obligation present.

Got back to the car, they bitched about not wanting to stop at a nice cafe for cake & coffee, so we just went home.

Very childishly, I said if I ever have the money to get to New York I’d not bother taking them as they’d only complain and want to stay in their hotel rooms. But apparently that’s entirely different and they wouldn’t moan at all and would absolutely get up and out. We shall see 🗽 we nearly missed a flight to Ireland because they were so late getting up (they were told).

I'm amazed too that anybody thinks it's the OP's job to chivvy people along. They agreed, they are old enough, especially the DH.

It's like nobody ever heard of the mental load in here!

Reminds me of an ex boyfriend, he would suggest somewhere to go and I like a bit of a lie in. Then after I got up he would tell me it was too late to go out and I would have a hissy fit because it is possible to go out at 11am, there’s still over six hours until tea time. It felt like he was trying to control me.

I actually get how frustrating that is!! I don't think you're wrong in how your feeling. It's about respect, when you organise something and give details, then along comes the actual day and nobody makes the efford to follow through but yet some how youre responsible for it not going ahead! Happened a few too many times in this house, now I just piss off out on my own. If someone wants to come then they need to be ready to go- SIMPLE!
But YES it's so bloody annoying!!

I hear you, but I still think you are making a huge drama about not very much! Surely, most people would shout something along the lines of ‘come on guys, it’s x o’clock . . . . . ‘ When you’re on your deathbed, you won’t think “I wish I’d sulked more about little things with my family”! 🙄

You should have woken them. Ffs why cause such a drama? You sound like hard work.

Okay. Obviously I was wrong to expect that two teenagers and someone of almost 40 could get out of bed on their own and it's my fault the day didn't go ahead.
Guess I'll know better if I decide to do something nice for them again.

Oh come on, now you're just being dramatic and obtuse

It's not wrong to expect adults and teenagers to be able to get themselves up. If they were going out without you and you were still asleep of course they'd have to get themselves up and not rely on you. But equally you were already up, it was no great extra bother to you, and instead of just knocking on their door and saying 'come in its X o'clock, we need to get going' you seethed downstairs, cancelled the day for everyone and then sulked.

My boyfriend is far more of a morning person than me. When we're staying at the same place and we make morning plans he generally wakes me up because he's up anyway and its nicer to be woken with a cuddle than by an alarm. Now of course i'm capable of getting myself up (and i actually do set an alarm just incase), but 99% of the time he's up anyway and its just easier for him to come in and say 'it's x o'clock, you need to get up if we're going to make it to Y. If for whatever reason my alarm didn't go off and when I did wake up I came down to him in a sulk about how he was up on time id be saying 'well why didn't you wake me' and if he didn't have any answer other than 'the principle' or 'to prove a point' i'd be telling him to jog on and that he's just being strange and controlling.

It's just common sense and something nice you do for people you care about, if they're not up when you know they need/want to be you go and let them know the time. Heck i'd even say if they had something that was nothing to do with you and you were up anyway and they had overslept for some reason that the nice thing to do is just go gently remind them of the time. But then sometimes MN has a very strange attitude where no one does anything small and nice for the people they apparently love because 'the point' is that adults should be totally self sufficient and 'the point' is far more important than any practicalities.

If I were you I would get up one day soon, get myself ready and then just as I was going out the door shout at them all that you are going out alone for the day and will see them when you get back - then switch off your phone and have a nice day out alone

@TickyTacky

It is not your role to herd your family like they're a flock of sheep. You are absolutely in the right. MN world is nothing like reality. I genuinely don't know why I bother logging in anymore.

Well it may not be reality, but if I am passing my son's bedroom I can't see any issue whatsoever with banging on his door to tell him to get up. Takes me all of, oh, 3 seconds. Oh the mental load! The burden of the life admin! Oh I will have to go and have a lie down because of all the stress knocking on someone's door causes me!

sometimes MN has a very strange attitude where no one does anything small and nice for the people they apparently love because 'the point' is that adults should be totally self sufficient and 'the point' is far more important than any practicalities

Exactly.

Also, unless teens are 18+ they are not adults.