Guy I've been on dates with has slept with someone else..aibu to be put off him?

[rachelsunshine]

I've had 3 dates with a guy and had a good time each time.
Tomorrow we have a date and we have booked for drinks and a meal.

He was out last night on a lads night out.
He has just text telling me he slept with someone last night and he wanted to be honest.
He said he still wants to see me tomorrow and hopes I still want to see him.
Aibu to be put off?
Would you still go ?

@Aprilx

No I wouldn’t go. I am in my fifties and find it odd to be seeing more than one person at a time never mind sleeping with them, this wasn’t how it used to be done. The strangest thing though is that he told you, his motives for that have me curious and a bit suspicious.

Agree, if you’re dating you don’t sleep with other people, unlike some I do think he’s done something wrong! Unless you’ve agreed otherwise

@lonesome2night

He's either testing you or trying to make you jealous. Neither are attractive traits. "Thanks for the honesty. Appreciate it was still early days. Have a good weekend I'm sure I'll see you around." Block. No drama llama comebacks then :)

This!

No.

Bin him.

I don't think he's done anything wrong by having sex with someone else (you aren't official and haven't even slept together yet) but I think it's weird that he told you about it. He really didn't need to say anything. Makes it seem like he's playing games.

No I wouldn’t continue to date him. If he’s dating you, he shouldn’t be sleeping with others.

@CanofCant

The cynic in me thinks that he is testing you to see what he can get away with. Bin him.

Absolutely this. He wants to see your reaction, to see if you'll be all Cool Girl. And if you are, that effectively gives him permission to keep push, push, pushing your boundaries. Walk away.

Ooh he sounds a hard dog to keep on the porch.

If he saw a future with you he wouldn’t have done that.

"Thankyou for bring honest, but I'm not comfortable with that, and will be making other plans".

@myfuckingfreezer

I wouldn't be put off by the shagging - you're not exclusive and haven't slept together - but why on earth would he tell you? So weird.

1000 x this

Consensual sex with others when you’re not in a relationship/sleeping with others? Fine.

Telling you about it via text before a date? Just weird and would really make me question his motivations. He doesn’t owe you the truth given the above so why is he choosing to let you know about it?

Sorry, he's just not that into you.

That would give me the ick big time

He tells you? Why?

"I'm just being honest" doesn't cut it.

Sometimes disclosure is a form of control.

Thanks for the honesty. Appreciate it was still early days. Have a good weekend I'm sure I'll see you around.

Pretty much what I was going to suggest.

Maybe add something about being friends, but not arrange to meet specifically, just to not make any future encounters awkward.

Just why ? Could he have not kept it in his pants .... he's sounds about 16 !

I wouldn’t go out with him again.
Walk away whilst it’s still early days and it doesn’t hurt so much. You’ll forget him soon.
A decent man doesn’t go out on several dates with a woman, pretending to be seriously interested then shagging someone else and even telling her. No class, no respect, bin him.

This:

If he saw a future with you he wouldn’t have done that.

He has done nothing wrong, however I wouldn't see him again.

I've had blokes say they were going on a date (basically I was 2nd in line) and I've told them I don't come 2nd best and blocked them.

Nope from me.

I feel like he is testing you to see what he can get away with. So if you reply its fine, that's the green light for sleeping around while he sees you.

I'd have to say, "thanks for being honest. I don't want to carry on dating anymore. I prefer to be the only woman in a relationship, I wouldn't sleep around while dating someone either. Its just the way that I am. Have a nice weekend."

He's obviously not that bothered about you. Into the bin. Time saved.

It would put me off. My dating times are well behind me but I'm like a few pp in that I wouldn't expect him to think sleeping with someone else to be OK while dating me.

I'd bin him off if it was me.

@InTheDrunkTank

It's odd that he texted you to tell you that. If you're not committed and he's still free to see other people why even mention it? I guess I'd be more put off that he seems the kind of guy who's still into random hook ups etc. than the feeling he had cheated.

Agree totally

Personally, this tells me that the prospect of sleeping with you comes second to whatever offer of sex he got last night. That would massively put me off. He's not a keeper in y mind.

How did you feel when you read the text? If it made you feel uncomfortable or found it off-putting then ditch him. Three dates is hardly an investment - better to ditch now and find someone better.

Oh, yea nah, no. This isn’t an avenue I would be continuing down. Someone wrote the perfect reply upthread, re ‘thanks for your honesty, I’ll be giving the date a miss, have a good weekend, see you around’ type thing.
There’s no good reason behind him telling you.

I felt a bit eugh
I feel like to him I'm not special enough to just not have sex with a random.
The fact he has told me he likes me ...well he didn't like me last night much did he.
After many shit Ex's I'm not settling for shit this time.
I'm nobody's second /fifth choice