Guy I've been on dates with has slept with someone else..aibu to be put off him?

[rachelsunshine]

I've had 3 dates with a guy and had a good time each time.
Tomorrow we have a date and we have booked for drinks and a meal.

He was out last night on a lads night out.
He has just text telling me he slept with someone last night and he wanted to be honest.
He said he still wants to see me tomorrow and hopes I still want to see him.
Aibu to be put off?
Would you still go ?

@CanofCant

The cynic in me thinks that he is testing you to see what he can get away with. Bin him.

I think the same.

He's testing you, as everyone has said. He wants to know what you'll put up with. I'm really glad you haven't slept with him.

*Play it back to him op. See how he reacts. Say oh I’m glad you told me. Me too, I slept with someone I met. But we aren’t exclusive so feel it’s ok.

Guarantee he bins you off.*

Doubt it! Men don’t get put off in the same way, he would probably hang around to sleep with her then bin her off

I don’t think it’s a problem that he has slept with someone else if you’ve not had a talk about being exclusive, but I would be really out of with being told.

He's icky. That whole 'I'm being honest' is a carte blanche to them, you accept it and it's a green light to them you'll take anything. He's one of those people who always wants to be 'casual' and is a shagabout, if a better offer presents itself (a woman who does the Pick Me dance better), off he'll go. Like women need to audition for him.

Get some standards!

'I was being honest'. 'Had fun on our dates but not interested in any further meetups. Best of luck to you in the future. x'

And block.

@Chanjer

Why would he tell you?

Very strange behaviour

This - it sounds like he is playing mind games! Whether he has or not , he didn't need to tell you this unless you have both stated you won't be dating anyone else, which would seem a bit premature after 3 dates.

I wouldn’t go.
I’d feel like such a mug sitting there on a 4th “getting to know each other” date knowing he’d slept with someone a couple of days ago.
Talk about trying to make a woman feel special, not!

It’s the timing of telling you before the date. If he was really keen he’d be desperate to see you and tell you whilst you were in the date face to face.
He’s giving you the option to see him again which means he knows you like him more than the dislike of him shagging someone.

Say goodbye, If he’s genuinely sorry/ wanting a relationship he’ll try a bit harder.

If you liked him until now, I would go on the date and see how you feel when you see him in person. If you talk about it, it's weird and if it's not mentioned, it'll be the elephant in the room.
For me, I suspect there is a high likelihood his confession would give me the ick and that would be it for any future relationship.
Also do not discount the small risk of him having caught Covid from her.
It would 100% put me off sleeping with him in the near future however (not cos of Covid, just wouldn't want to be another notch on his bedpost until I was more sure of him).

If I were you, I wouldn't even reply. I would just block his number now.

Whilst technically he hasn't cheated, you were both in the dating and getting to know each other stage. During this time he put his penis into somebody else's vagina and told you about it. How would you really go forward dating this man? How could you possible envisage the next meeting going? ''Oh Hi Max. Thanks for telling me you shagged someone last night, not to worry, fancy a Harvester and a pint?''

"So he's seen you for the last two weekends, he's supposed to be seeing you again tomorrow for a third date - yet, whilst he's supposed to be showing interest in developing a relationship with you he's gone out and shagged someone else - told you - and hopes you're ok with it?"

This. I think it's grim.

I think it's interesting that some people think if you haven't talked about exclusively, then basically anything goes. Is this normal now? I'm old and it certainly wasn't normal when I was dating 20 years ago.

It depends on what each of you are looking for in a potential relationship, whether it’s casual or monogamous. I would appreciate his honesty in telling you - which could also be seen as clumsy/blunt way of doing it.

On one of the dating apps I’m on some guys are very upfront in if they’re into non monogamy. I’m sure there will be women the same.🤷‍♀️.

None of us should tell you what to do - it’s what you want to do and what you’re looking for. I do know what I’d do however!

@Sillyduckseverywhere

Nah. I wouldn't He will see it as a green light

This.

I’d also probably block and ignore the message.

Unless you'd agreed you were exclusive, he's done nothing wrong.

But nah, I would be put off by that.

@Ponoka7

Why have the dates been so spaced out? What's the communication like inbetween? Sex is a lot more casual for some people. Didn't you have the talk about exclusivity etc? I'd say it doesn't bode well. How old are you both?

Seeing someone once a week is hardly "so spaced out"

He's done nothing wrong by shagging someone else. He has however done wrong in telling you. No emotional intelligence. Bin.

I'd take a rain check

I must be old fashioned, but if I had started seeing someone I wouldn't expect them to be sleeping with someone else. I find it depressing that so many people think it is OK. Is this a thing since internet dating?

I agree that Cagney's response is good.

@RampantIvy

I must be old fashioned, but if I had started seeing someone I wouldn't expect them to be sleeping with someone else. I find it depressing that so many people think it is OK. Is this a thing since internet dating?

I agree that Cagney's response is good.

It’s a weird one, isn’t it? I’m the same as you.

Yes it’s normal now that unless you are exclusive they are free to (and probably are sleeping with others) unless you both have a chat and agree to be exclusive

@freeez

I wouldn't in principle be put off by the fact he'd slept with somebody else - you haven't slept together yet and there's no commitment.

However. I would be put off by the fact he told you. That seems quite weird and unnecessary at this stage - what are his motives? It's as if he's testing for your reaction. So, I wouldn't bother seeing him again as assume he's a game player.

This. It's weird that he told you.

Personally it would put me off

I think it's a test too, which would have me saying thanks but no thanks. The fact that someone was putting out hoops for me to jump through at such an early stage would be a complete turn off.

He's either testing you or trying to make you jealous. Neither are attractive traits. "Thanks for the honesty. Appreciate it was still early days. Have a good weekend I'm sure I'll see you around." Block. No drama llama comebacks then :)

@myfuckingfreezer

I wouldn't be put off by the shagging - you're not exclusive and haven't slept together - but why on earth would he tell you? So weird.

Agree. You’re not exclusive yet so he’s not done anything wrong, but then in that case it was really strange for him to tell you about a one night stand as not really your business at this stage....seems icky.