Page 17 | Guy I've been on dates with has slept with someone else..aibu to be put off him?

rachelsunshine · 2021-05-30T09:25:05+00:00

I've had 3 dates with a guy and had a good time each time. Tomorrow we have a date and we have booked for drinks and a meal. He was out last night on a lads night out. He has just text telling me he slept with someone last night and he wanted to be honest. He said he still wants to see me tomorrow and hopes I still want to see him. Aibu to be put off? Would you still go ?

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 31/05/2021 11:50

[quote KatherineJaneway]@rachelsunshine

Hi OP, have you made a decision about the date?[/quote]
I think about 11 pages ago the OP commented that she wasn't anyone's second choice, so I doubt she'll be wasting her time.

Coffeepot72 · 31/05/2021 15:47

But I would love to hear what the OP actually said to him, and what (if anything) came back in response

Blackhawkdown2020 · 01/06/2021 09:48

This reply has been withdrawn

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KatherineJaneway · 01/06/2021 13:15

Thanks @Ihopeyourcakeisshit I missed that.

Thisnamewasnttaken123 · 01/06/2021 13:19

I wouldn't message him back or see him again.

aSofaNearYou · 01/06/2021 13:20

This is a weird one. At this point I would honestly think it would have been better of him to just not mention it, there's nothing wrong with a bit of overlap in the very early days of meeting someone, which then naturally peters out when things begin to get more exclusive and serious. But the fact that he has told you makes it really icky. I think it would put me off too.

Rosewood017 · 01/06/2021 13:23

I doubt I'd see him again but thank him for his honesty as per PP message.

However if my DH had a drunken tryst with someone in our early days of dating, would I have preferred to know straight away, or find out later and be upset that it wasn't the love story I thought. Or would he have kept it secret from me forever, which is not the right foot to get off on. Interesting dilemma!

Coffeepot72 · 01/06/2021 14:09

@aSofaNearYou I get your point about a bit of overlap in the early stages of dating. But god knows when he mentioned it to the OP.

SamW98 · 01/06/2021 14:17

@Rosewood017

I doubt I'd see him again but thank him for his honesty as per PP message.

However if my DH had a drunken tryst with someone in our early days of dating, would I have preferred to know straight away, or find out later and be upset that it wasn't the love story I thought. Or would he have kept it secret from me forever, which is not the right foot to get off on. Interesting dilemma!

That happened to me. Guy I had started seeing slept with someone 4 weeks into our relationship. I found out after 3 years (2 months after we split) and it makes me feel sick that he had this secret the whole time At least knowing the facts gives us the choice to make the best decision for ourselves

DoItAfraid · 01/06/2021 14:30

@AllBellyandBoobs

I'd appreciate the honesty but bow out. I'd have too many questions that I wouldn't really have the right to ask; someone he knows, likely to happen again, used contraception, STD test...

Totally agree with this.

OhWhyNot · 01/06/2021 15:10

If you are happy to have a more open relationship where he has casual sex then go ahead

If not then move on

He likes casual sexy even when he has an interest in others he has shown you this and in that way he has been honest but you could fool yourself into thinking he regrets it and wouldn’t do it again

OhWhyNot · 01/06/2021 15:10

Casual sexy eww

Casual sex ...

Whyhello · 01/06/2021 15:19

I think it’s weird he told you personally. You’re three dates in so not exclusive, haven’t slept together yet either so he didn’t really owe you the truth here at all. Not sure why he told you, perhaps to gauge your reaction so he knows whether this is the sort of thing you find acceptable or not.

Hope you didn’t see him again anyway, he sounds like a dick.

Rosewood017 · 01/06/2021 15:27

@SamW98 that's harsh. Do you think you would have pursued it if you'd known from the start?

aSofaNearYou · 01/06/2021 15:36

[quote Coffeepot72]@aSofaNearYou I get your point about a bit of overlap in the early stages of dating. But god knows when he mentioned it to the OP.[/quote]
Yeah, my thoughts exactly. It's normal to do it but unnecessary and uncomfortable to mention it.

BlueDaises · 01/06/2021 15:44

Fuck no...

SamW98 · 01/06/2021 15:56

[quote Rosewood017]@SamW98 that's harsh. Do you think you would have pursued it if you'd known from the start?[/quote]
No I definitely wouldn't. He went on a pre booked organised holiday which I knew about and that's where it happened. Apparently they had an arrangement where they hooked up at these sort of events and he probably thought one last time won't hurt

Silly thing is I did have a little nagging doubt about him but I suppose time went on and our relationship developed.

Looking back the clues were there but we don't pick up on things we're not looking for I suppose

Bumzoo · 01/06/2021 16:01

I think he's testing you.

No. I wouldn't go.

NurseButtercup · 01/06/2021 16:07

I would ask him, what would he like me to do with this information?

I'd wait for him to answer.

And then I'd ask him how he would feel if I was having random hook ups with other men.

Feelinghothothottoday · 01/06/2021 16:16

He hasn’t done anything wrong but I would feel yuk. Number of issues-,
Is he seeing her again?
Clearly not that into you I feel
I wouldn’t trust him now.

dayswithaY · 01/06/2021 21:57

I'd love to know who made up these new dating rules. Did a committee decide that if you meet someone and go on a few dates then you must remain completely unemotional about who they are also dating/having sex with. If you are lucky enough to be chosen over the other contenders then you earned the privilege of being "exclusive" and you may advertise this on social media.

I know lots of young women in their twenties and they have all chosen to stay single due to this degrading nonsense. In their shoes, I would too.

Meanwhile, this guy may not even have slept with anyone but he really wants you to think he has. You have to wonder why that is.

RampantIvy · 01/06/2021 22:06

I agree @dayswithaY. It was so much simpler when I was young. Dating seems to be a multiple choice thing now.

I wonder if there is a market for old fashioned dating agencies again for people looking for a genuine relationship rather than one night hook ups.

KarmaNoMore · 01/06/2021 22:19

Trying to get the male perspective, I asked my partner how would he had reacted if I had told him I shagged someone between our third and fourth date. His response:

“Fuck off and off you go, off course I would have wanted nothing else to do with you!”

Honesty doesn’t make a wrong right, I suppose.

MagentaDragon · 01/06/2021 23:37

@dayswithaY

I'd love to know who made up these new dating rules. Did a committee decide that if you meet someone and go on a few dates then you must remain completely unemotional about who they are also dating/having sex with. If you are lucky enough to be chosen over the other contenders then you earned the privilege of being "exclusive" and you may advertise this on social media.

I know lots of young women in their twenties and they have all chosen to stay single due to this degrading nonsense. In their shoes, I would too.

Meanwhile, this guy may not even have slept with anyone but he really wants you to think he has. You have to wonder why that is.

⬆️⬆️⬆️ This!!

Well said.

MagentaDragon · 01/06/2021 23:39

Yeah, my thoughts exactly. It's normal to do it but unnecessary and uncomfortable to mention it.

It's normal to be dating someone to see if a relationship develops and in between dates go and have sex with someone else? Really do not accept this as "normal". It's grim.