To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

She is no friend. She is a fat phobic . Decline the invitation, block her number and go on to live a happy life without her prejudice dragging you down.

She sounds really unpleasant and judgemental. To her, the choice of dress is more important than her friend partaking. If it were my wedding, my priority would be the friends, I would find dresses that they were happy to wear. You often see bridesmaids in different styles in the same colour. As for "the other girls are really excited about wearing these dresses" erm I doubt it. I bet they don't care about the dresses. Bridesmaid dresses are usually pretty odd looking anyway. And at the very least she could have asked you rather than just deciding you wouldn't be comfortable.
I think I'd just reply saying it's regretable that she cares more about the dress than the friendship but thanks for being honest with you that she's embarrassed to be seen with you because of a bit of baby weight.

@Justdowhatyouweretold

I would want to make her squirm now by saying 'Oh don't worry the baby weight will be well gone by then! How fabulous! I'll be happy to wear one of the dresses! Can't wait!' And then see what happens.

That would be hilarious!

However I think the friend has now shown her true colours.

No 'friend' decides how someone else will feel and makes decisions based on what they think someone else will feel. A real friend talks to their friends and doesn't prioritise a piece of material and colour scheme over the friendship.

There's just no way you can dress up her actions - she's decided that her photos and 1 day matter far more to her than the friendship of the OP.

She's so shallow I'd doubt you could even drown in her.

lose your baby weight at your own pace OP... turn up (if you decide to attend) up looking fantastic 🌺

Tell her where to get off!! I wanted my bridesmaids to be my bridesmaids because they were my friends and I wanted them to be with me on my wedding day. To be honest, all I decided on about the bridesmaid's dresses was they colour. They picked the style they wanted themselves. This person is not your friend.

I'd rsvp to the wedding to say I was going then not turn up. Just so she had to pay for a meal that wasn't going to be eaten. She's horrible.

I haven't read the whole thing, but this is the story of my sister (the Bride) and I. Only difference is that I went to trouble of sending fabric to Hong Kong to have a more flattering dress/cover made, and was still rejected. That was in 2008. We have not spoken since.

She's obviously thinking about how her photos will look in her 'Live, Laugh, Love' frames

Hope you're ok OP

@fiestasprimavera that's sad but I can't imagine getting a dress made for yourself after being told you weren't a bridesmaid... that seems a bit bonkers tbh.

Jesus Christ OP! Are you ok?

Your 'friend' is a super bitch. I'm really sorry she has made you feel this way

I hate it when people do this. I was going to invite you but I knew it wouldn't be your thing. Totally passive aggressive. My old boss used to do this to me as though she knew me so well which she didn't. DD had a friend who did this too - you're not invited because you wouldn't enjoy it. Poor DD was heartbroken, not only because she wasn't invited but they way it was put made her think something was wrong with her. This is not a friend.

Wow! Not only has your friend revealed that she's totally superficial, but also is pretending to do it out of concern for you! Not a real friend at all.

Bloody awful OP, 2 of my bridesmaids had just had babies, one had immediately lost all her weight the other one had 2 stone to lose. Wouldn't have even crossed my mind how they looked.

My close friend is on the larger side and self/conscious about it. When I got engaged I asked her if she'd be comfortable being a bridesmaid. She said no so I asked her to do one of the readings instead. All happy (except for me getting divorced 6 years later!)

What an absolute bitch. I want my bridesmaids to be there because I love them not because they look good in a dress. Why couldn't you have a slightly different style in the same colour more suited to your shape. She wouldn't be my friends anymore

Ditch the wedding and ditch the cow that pretended to be your friend she is no friend and you don't need her I your life

OP Please don't dignify this vile nonsense with any response.

This is certainly not a friend, I would be very busy the weekend of her wedding , very busy.

@Dandylioness1 - in case you hadn't already realised, this thread has made The Sun. www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/15105291/mum-gutted-best-friend-excludes-bridal-party-weight/

I wholeheartedly agree with Not replying... Silence is deafening 🌸

I don't think she deserves a reply OP. I personally would block her and chop her out my life. You don't deserve to be made to feel like that. No actual friend chooses dresses over a bridesmaid. Sending you lots of love.

[quote Jaichangecentfoisdenom]@Dandylioness1 - in case you hadn't already realised, this thread has made The Sun. www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/15105291/mum-gutted-best-friend-excludes-bridal-party-weight/[/quote]
Hahaha ok op you have to send the link to the article 🤣🤣

The problem is all eyes would have been on you, not the bride. It's her day. My cousin is obese and she was bridesmaid. It was awkward, she couldn't fit through the door with her partner. It was really embarassing for all of us. You won't loose the weight for thd wedding, because quite frankly why should you loose weight for someone else.

I can't believe I just read Weddings are all about photos. :o

How romantic.

[quote Jaichangecentfoisdenom]@Dandylioness1 - in case you hadn't already realised, this thread has made The Sun. www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/15105291/mum-gutted-best-friend-excludes-bridal-party-weight/[/quote]

Oh blimey

The OP is a size 16 she can get through a door!