To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

Just don't reply to her.

(Preferably ever).

Take the time to reflect whether she really was a good friend.
Sometimes it makes your realise that they weren't that good anyway.
It may be nothing to do with your size [ you aren't that big being a 16/18!]

Find the most hideous colour clashing dress and send a pic to her and say well I've got this one I guess I'll wear that.

And something along the lines of oh well its such a pity as being a bridesmaid is all about supporting her on the day and you wouldn't have cared what you were wearing.

"I've known for ages (before even proposed) what kind of bridesmaid dresses I wanted."
I could be wrong, but the sort of person who has their wedding all planned out before there is any prospect of there being a wedding - well, I expect the marriage to be over long before they've finished paying off the loans to pay for the wedding . It's a sign to me of a shallow, shallow person.

Your 'friend' values style over substance. She wants magazine-cover wedding photos, rather than a record of a happy day spent with friends and family, celebrating.

I'm not sure I'd actually respond at all. All that fake-sincerity and fake-concern is just so nauseating. I don't think she's worth even a 'Fuck Off'.

@WhereYouLeftIt

"I've known for ages (before even proposed) what kind of bridesmaid dresses I wanted." I could be wrong, but the sort of person who has their wedding all planned out before there is any prospect of there being a wedding - well, I expect the marriage to be over long before they've finished paying off the loans to pay for the wedding . It's a sign to me of a shallow, shallow person.

Your 'friend' values style over substance. She wants magazine-cover wedding photos, rather than a record of a happy day spent with friends and family, celebrating.

I'm not sure I'd actually respond at all. All that fake-sincerity and fake-concern is just so nauseating. I don't think she's worth even a 'Fuck Off'.

ha ha ha ha... Yes, not worthy for even that! Agreed!

[quote Grizalda]Here's the right link

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/15105291/mum-gutted-best-friend-excludes-bridal-party-weight/[/quote]
I highly doubt the bride to be reads the Sun

I'd see this as a lucky escape, she sounds like she would be a bridezilla. I cringed at the part that the bridesmaids were introduced on Facebook as team bride

Yikes, the text is in that article.

For the pp saying at least she told you-well only after posting her hideous team bride post all over fb and not talking to op first

The kinder thing would have asked her how she felt about it and if she still wanted to do it as she has a year yet no just announce something and cut someone out with a lame excuse after the fact

she didnt even give her the choice

Don't feel pressure to respond. If you don't know what to say it may mean you don't have anything to say right now.

Ditch her.
And not just because of this frankly rude message.

Ditch her because you will never get the next year of your life back which will be spent on this wedding in planning.
Because the wedding itself will be no fun at all.
Because you’ll then have to spend the next year reviewing it with her.
Because when she gets divorced - and she will - you’ll have to try and keep a straight face.

Ugh scum Sun posting about this

I wouldn't be surprised if someone at The Sun posts threads like these just to give them something to write about (not saying this is the case here OP)

also forgot to add i was your size when my dsis asked me to be bridesmaid she didnt care what size i was but i personally wanted to lose weight so i did i also had a year to go-she wanted me to be bm either way

I see this has made it into the press. I hope the bride sees and is suitable ashamed. Hope OP doesn’t get any grief x

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/15105291/mum-gutted-best-friend-excludes-bridal-party-weight/amp/

Forward her email to the chosen few
So they can see they are just coat hangers to a bridzilla

I think you should say donething.

She is too far up her own bottom to be concerned by your silence.

Say what one put earlier; “This has really upset me. I’m not sure what to say” So she knows.
She’s done a hurtful thing and it’s the friendship is lost not because your fat or have low self esteem or your jealous or any if the shit she’ll make it out to be.

She doesn't want bridesmaids, she wants extras in appropriate costumes to flatter the leading lady.

Anyone who'd choose a dress then choose bridesmaids to fit it is shallow, superficial and doesn't deserve good friends.

OP, you deserve so much better.

I don’t get people who are so obsessed with the aesthetics of their weddings. Anyone who values looks more than friendship is not someone who’s worth wasting your time and energy on OP.

I’d be tempted to show up to her wedding wearing one of those blow up dinosaur costumes.

Don't say anything. She'll be waiting to see what you respond. Don't give her that pleasure. Just distance yourself from her and don't go to the wedding. Don't respond to any other messages you may get from her, her DF or 'team bride'. With any luck, she'll read this thread or the Scum.

My best mate cared about how I'd feel at her wedding...

So she asked me if I wanted to be a bridesmaid or not, she wanted me to be one if i wanted to do it.

I didn't, I hate folk looking, i don't wear dresses, her other best friend is a very nice slim shape and i look like a barrage balloon... but I was given a choice, an honest and genuine option, it wasn't decided for me.

She then helped me find an outfit that did work for ME... regardless of her outfit, to wear as a guest (and I did end up wearing a dress... combined with my new rock boots that give me an extra 3 inches height).

Because that is what true friends do. Had I wanted to be a bridesmaid she'd have based bridesmaid dresses around what fitted ME, because the other bridesmaid would look great in anything.

This person cares more about their dresses than their friends, thats not a true friend.

I would add that 'Team Bride' is a horribly cringey phrase!

And she'd chosen the dress before her fiance proposed? Sounds as though she's more interested in the dressing up and the pictures than in the actual marriage! When she has a new idea for the dresses, will she get a divorce and another wedding to someone else, just so that she can be photographed with the new bridesmaids in their new dresses???

As regards the comments about the OP losing weight and turning up in a stunning new dresses: the OP should only lose weight if it's for her own health and happiness. As regards doing it either to please or spite the bride - I read 'Great Expectations' a long time ago, and there is one bit of advice, that Biddy gives Pip, that has always stuck in my mind (just checked the wording):

*"Do you want to be a gentleman, to spite her (Estella) or to gain her over?” Biddy quietly asked me, after a pause.

“I don’t know,” I moodily answered.

“Because, if it is to spite her,” Biddy pursued, “I should think—but you know best—that might be better and more independently done by caring nothing for her words. And if it is to gain her over, I should think—but you know best—she was not worth gaining over.”*

Substitute 'lose weight' for 'be a gentleman', and I think this very old bit of advice fully applies today to the present case!

PS: The Scum can go to hell!

I think "ok" is a good response.

She’s a cunt...has she seen this thread?

Weddings aren't worth the hassle are they?

Tell her you'll be unable to attend her wedding because you've been planning your outfit for years, but you currently are unable to fit into it....