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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

1000 replies

Dandylioness1 · 28/05/2021 21:19

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone Blush) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?
OP posts:
Anotheruser02 · 29/05/2021 14:35

If you don't ditch her you still have the weight loss incentive to look fucking amazing at her wedding.

Sorry about the shite paper picking up your thread.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 29/05/2021 14:35

I fear it is already nuclear lockheart

Sun today. Jeremy or the loose ones on Monday or Tuesday.

AlfonsoTheMango · 29/05/2021 14:38

OP, I'm sorry. Your friend doesn't sound like a friend at all.

3scape · 29/05/2021 14:38

I know I know I didn't rtft. But she's not a friend, she just wants an Insta image. Great if you're people at a distance, but I wouldn't be sharing how I feel post baby with someone that vacuous.

Dentistlakes · 29/05/2021 14:39

Yikes, that’s quite brutal and to the point op. I would probably never speak to her again if I were you. I had one bridesmaid, but she chose her own dress even down to the colour. I just wanted her for her, not the bloody dress. Granted, I didn’t have multiple bridesmaids to accommodate so it was easier.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/05/2021 14:40

Whoa, bloody shit rags for plastering this everywhere - they do love a wedding drama though!

@Dandylioness1 - it's a shame that your "friend" is so shallow that she considers image to be more important than friendship, but so be it. At least you know her true feelings now.
If you decide to stay friends, do your damnedest to get into the best shape of your life just to show her that you COULD do it, but she was too shallow to now have you in either her photos or her life.
Or don't bother going - either would work.

I'm really sorry for you though - that's a nasty shock to have from someone whom you considered to be a friend.

happinessischocolate · 29/05/2021 14:41

If she's a really good friend the rest of the time I'd ignore it and let her get on with it, it's not about you it's about her being bridezilla and wanting her picture perfect wedding.

Hopefully her chosen "team bride" will be good at arranging the hen night and all the other crap that bridezilla will expect.

This would give me a massive incentive to lose any excess weight and look bloody fab by May next year 🤷‍♀️😁

Fnib · 29/05/2021 14:41

Some women get so ridiculous about the look of their weddings and forget that they are all about celebrating a happy event with loved ones. I'm so sorry you're feeling stressed. I would be very hurt too Flowers
I think I'd probably say no worries, or some such banal comment, and then say no more about it. Then I'd put everything I have into getting as fit as fuck, and go to the wedding looking absolutely gorgeous.
Hugs Flowers

Macncheeseballs · 29/05/2021 14:44

What a cow, bloody he'll 'she has her heart set on a particular bridesmsids dress', she needs to get a life and a more flexible attitude

Macncheeseballs · 29/05/2021 14:44

*bloody hell

Icanflyhigh · 29/05/2021 14:46

Absolutely horrified at this. I get married in a few weeks and my bestie of 12 years is my chief bridesmaid - there was never going to be anyone else! She is 6st lighter now than when I first asked her, but I wouldn't care if she was 6st heavier, because she's my bestie. That's it.
Sorry she's done this to you OP x

user145678945648945645789456 · 29/05/2021 14:47

I'm not surprised you've been needlessly feeling awful about yourself simply for being larger than you used to be if these are the kinds of people around you.

The replies telling you to lose weight and turn up wearing xyz are quite depressing. People thinking someone can only be considered "hot" (as at least one poster has said) if they are skinny, or become skinny, is the problem.

The op doesn't need to lose weight to look good or be beautiful or to be cherished. That's the point. That's why this message and the actions leading to it are so deeply unpleasant.

Bluedeblue · 29/05/2021 14:50

This would give me an even bigger incentive to lose weight. Turn up to her wedding at your ideal weight, wearing a stunning dress.

I lost 30 pounds a few years ago. If you stick to 1200 calories a day & walk 4 miles a day, it will only take you about 5 months to drop the weight. Unfortunately I've put it all back on, what with eating and drinking far too much during lock down, so I have to do it all again now! Grr.

Aprilx · 29/05/2021 14:54

@Bluedeblue

This would give me an even bigger incentive to lose weight. Turn up to her wedding at your ideal weight, wearing a stunning dress.

I lost 30 pounds a few years ago. If you stick to 1200 calories a day & walk 4 miles a day, it will only take you about 5 months to drop the weight. Unfortunately I've put it all back on, what with eating and drinking far too much during lock down, so I have to do it all again now! Grr.

I am only quoting you because you are the last post, but I am finding responses like this infuriating, do you not see that you are essentially validating the bridezilla.
Moelwynbach · 29/05/2021 14:59

I just let my brudesnaida choose a dress they liked as long as it had spots their happiness and comfort was paramount people look beautiful when they are happy she sounds like a fucking nightmare. Id focus on how you feel lose the weight if you want to ditch her or don't but I would definitely tell her how she has made you feel and that you are glad that she has such a lovely life that she is more concerned about looks than anything else.

Moelwynbach · 29/05/2021 15:02

Bridesmaids

TheMNChicken · 29/05/2021 15:03

@Bluedeblue

This would give me an even bigger incentive to lose weight. Turn up to her wedding at your ideal weight, wearing a stunning dress.

I lost 30 pounds a few years ago. If you stick to 1200 calories a day & walk 4 miles a day, it will only take you about 5 months to drop the weight. Unfortunately I've put it all back on, what with eating and drinking far too much during lock down, so I have to do it all again now! Grr.

OP doesn't have to do anything.
grapewine · 29/05/2021 15:16

The only weight the OP should lose is the 'friend' who is such a bitch. Can't believe that text. I probably wouldn't even go.

UmmH · 29/05/2021 15:18

She's being a bridezilla. Weddings are terrible for bringing out the selfish unreasonable side of people. Maybe your friendship is over, or maybe (hopefully) she will look back on this moment with shame.

Justdowhatyouweretold · 29/05/2021 15:19

I would want to make her squirm now by saying 'Oh don't worry the baby weight will be well gone by then! How fabulous! I'll be happy to wear one of the dresses! Can't wait!' And then see what happens.

RodiganReed · 29/05/2021 15:22

The kind of person that prioritises a poxy dress over sharing this important rite of passage with a close friend is exactly the kind of person who prioritises a wedding over the reality and importance of an actual marriage.

Come back and tell us when she gets divorced OP, I give her two years..

neveradullmoment99 · 29/05/2021 15:24

@MyGrassIsBrowner

My jaw hit the floor reading that message. What an absolute cow. She's no friend. I'd tell her to shove her wedding and shitty dresses where the sun don't shine.
This. You have got it spot on. She doesn't want you as a bridesmaid. Absolutely shocking text. Says it all. She is not your friend.
nanbread · 29/05/2021 15:26

What an awful thing to say. Her choice of dress for other people is more important to her than the people inside them. Tragic really.

neveradullmoment99 · 29/05/2021 15:27

[quote Dandylioness1]@Atalune

Have you gone on about how unhappy you are about your size? Is she perhaps listening to that

I wouldn’t say I’ve “gone on” but we’ve definitely talked about the fact I’m not feeling my best self right now.[/quote]
Its not her decision to make on your behalf about whether or not you would feel comfortable wearing the dress. She could have at least asked you!
She clearly doesn't want you as bridesmaid.
I would decline the invite entirely.

neveradullmoment99 · 29/05/2021 15:28

I would text back and say
'Oh i see...'
You are clearly not the friend I thought you were.

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