I fucking hate where we live and don't know what to do

[PorkAPoe]

I'm so upset, I fucking hate where we live.

We only bought the house in November and I just don't think moving now would be a possibility. There are jobs half done that we'd need to finish before selling which will take time to save up for.

I feel like crying every day.

It's because of our neighbours in the main. They are horrible and if I'd have seen them / heard them when we viewed I'd have not thought for a second about buying this house.

I'm terrified that we'll never get rid of the thing because of them.

I haven't read all of the posts but we had something very similar.

The home improvements don't have to be costly, just functional.
We did our whole bathroom ourselves for under £500 with no prior experience. We repainted the kitchen that was in.
We sold within 8 months and didn't make a loss..
I'd even be tempted to go into rented if you can't get another mortgage yet.
Hope you get out quickly!

OP, surely if your neighbours are renting from a HA, you do have the option of complaining?

Are your sure their tenancy is legit? Where I live (NI) there is no way a couple without kids would be allocated a house. There is just too big a shortage of family homes.

I rent from a social landlord and while my tenancy is secure, I am pretty sure that drug use, noise nuisance, constantly barking dogs and abusive shouty goings-on all fall under the 'unreasonable/antisocial behaviour' category that constitutes a breach of tenancy.

Speak to their HA and to the people on their other side. They are much more likely to be moved on than a family with children.

Think you need to try, if possible, to go business-like on this one.

Get the privacy film up, get some planting, get the jobs done, get it back on the market, get out.

Don;t have any rows with them, just pretend in your mind you don;t notice them.

You have my sympathy OP. It is so draining.

I had neighbours like this several years ago and it was absolute hell. Dogs left in the house barking all day, loud music thumping through the wall and out in the garden (smallish terraced house), constant smoking weed, swearing, the bloke definitely had some anger issues too as he'd storm around shouting. Would leave piles of junk in the garden and also out on the street in front of his house (sofas, washing machines etc just left on the pavement).

It drove me to tears and I got really, really depressed. My partner went round a few times to talk to the guy but just got shouted at and loads of abuse, then he would turn his music up more.

I would advise against complaining, the council will do bugger all. They'll tell you to record all the instances of noise/ disturbance etc but by the time you've been through that whole process you'll be months and months down the line and probably nearly ready to move anyway.

It will also be recorded as a complaint at the address which could make it harder to sell.

I would honestly just do your best to keep your head down and grit through it until you can sell, or if you really can't be there, is there somewhere else you can stay whilst you get the house ready? Your mental health has to come first.

@junipertree2

OP, surely if your neighbours are renting from a HA, you do have the option of complaining?

Are your sure their tenancy is legit? Where I live (NI) there is no way a couple without kids would be allocated a house. There is just too big a shortage of family homes.

I rent from a social landlord and while my tenancy is secure, I am pretty sure that drug use, noise nuisance, constantly barking dogs and abusive shouty goings-on all fall under the 'unreasonable/antisocial behaviour' category that constitutes a breach of tenancy.

Speak to their HA and to the people on their other side. They are much more likely to be moved on than a family with children.

They have a child

@junipertree2

OP, surely if your neighbours are renting from a HA, you do have the option of complaining?

Are your sure their tenancy is legit? Where I live (NI) there is no way a couple without kids would be allocated a house. There is just too big a shortage of family homes.

I rent from a social landlord and while my tenancy is secure, I am pretty sure that drug use, noise nuisance, constantly barking dogs and abusive shouty goings-on all fall under the 'unreasonable/antisocial behaviour' category that constitutes a breach of tenancy.

Speak to their HA and to the people on their other side. They are much more likely to be moved on than a family with children.

The problem with complaining to the council about people like this (from bitter experience) is that they can really, really bear a grudge about it and can make your life hell in all sorts of ways.

Yes you can keep complaining and complaining and maybe a yeare or two down the line after multiple complaints from multiple people the council/ police will actually do something useful, but by that point you will have all their mates lined up with a vendetta against you.

Honestly, it's often not worth it. You're best just to get as far away as you can.

Personally if I was in this situation I would feel better if I felt I had a plan of action and some rough timescales in place so I know how long I would be dealing with the issues.

If you know you aren't going to stay, revisit the plans you have for doing jobs on the house and look at them again with an eye to patching up to sell on or rent out.

Consider whether renting the house out would be option - you could then look to rent or buy elsewhere, might be faster than selling it?

Op you can buy a frosting window film, to apply to your kitchen window. Cheap and will sort that problem within minutes. I have used on all my front facing downstairs windows , as my neighbours are nosey feckers and used to look in every time they walked past. They see nowt now but still lets light in.

Also, could you possibly afford 2 large potted bamboo plants that you can put in strategic places to give you some privacy? ( you can take them with you when you leave). Also will make your garden look nice when selling.

Bathroom- do you have an existing suite? Can it be made good? If not, can you find a second hand white basic suite on FB etc? Instead of tiling you could fit faux panelling, half way only and paint it. Quick, easy and cheaper. Off cut of lino , easy to fit. All you need is a Stanley knife and adhesive, job done.

Kitchen- what would it need to make it look functional? Can you post a pic so we can make suggestions based on what you already have?

Garden- hire a rotovater for a few hours and turn over all the whole thing. Sprinkle with grass seeds and water as per. Green lawn will appear in weeks. Patio- jet wash if you have one. If not, leave it, don't fit one. Maybe place a few decking squares?

Do not make a complaint- if you are serious about selling do not make any complaints as they will be official and will need to declared when selling.

I feel for you Op. Do not let them prevent /bully you from currently enjoying your outside space. Burning citronella candles in the garden, away from the house and any other structures, will combat any " ambient" smells.

If you are really serious about selling, just get the house clean, habitable , presentable and the illusion of " move in" ready as above. By that i mean, lawned garden, basic but clean usable kitchen and bathroom and clean carpets ( hire a carpet cleaner ). You will lose money if you sell as is. Spend a few hundred and a lot of elbow grease, to make your asking. It is horrible living somewhere where , you are unhappy. Do what you need to do ,to facilitate a move while minimising the financial impact. Do as much work yourselves as you can, YouTube is yr friend! I have learnt all kinds of skills from tutorials.

My HA are absolutely rubbish in this scenario. My neighbour has been driven out of her home by the people upstairs and the HA did nothing. So I personally wouldn’t bother reporting. They’ll know it’s you and who knows how much it could escalate then. Even if they do take it seriously the actually process takes months. In the meantime they’ll still be there.

Do the minimum you need to do. Treat the house as though you are just flipping it. Make it functional, presentable then sell and get out. It’s sadly the only way. It feels awful now but you can move. Maybe not immediately but you’re not going to be stuck there forever.

My lower pane privacy frosting film. Lets light in, keeps voyeurs out! I have raised my blind so you can see the effect. I normally have blind meeting the privacy panes. Best thing i have done!

I wonder if part of your unhappiness is how powerless you are feeling? I would try to get lots and lots of options on the table. (Some of these already mentioned by others):

• Neighbourhood WhatsApp group so you don't feel isolated. Start with your neighbour on the other side.
• Speak to your local councillor for support and advice.
• Ditto MP or citizens advice.
• Get the house priced up as is and with the work done.
• Work out a timetable and budget so you can see exactly how many months you've got left (and not the years you fear).

That is such a good idea to sell and move into rented! We've done exactly this because I sold at a loss and I want to get the exact right place. I know I felt better once our house was on the market!

If you rent and then when your salary is back up you can get another mortgage. If you sell at a loss you might recoup some of it.

I would try and focus on getting the house presentable. Install stuff like a business, just to sell. Stuff that is nice enough but maybe not what you would choose for yourself. My friend did this with his buy to let and his plain white bathroom suite was £500!

The market is buoyant however, sales are falling through due to money being an issue. But if you market it at the right price and maybe mark it as prices to sell it will sell.

I hope you are soon out of there.

Don’t quote me on this, but I think that if you go to an official level with complaints you may need to declare this when selling.

Honestly I’d move asap. Spend as much time as you can out of the house for your sanity. Watch TV with ear phones on. Privacy proof bit. Then in six months get out.

Time and time again threads like this pop up.

Why is your DH letting this go on? Or is he scared of his neighbours too?

Another thought - is the housing association looking to buy property in your area? Worth checking as you might be able to sell to the HA that owns next door.

I'm not sure how it works when you buy/own a place but I wonder if it might be worth your while contacting your councils antisocial behaviour department (usually within environmental health or noise departments) and finding out IF the seller knew of any issues prior to selling? Because then you might have some legal recourse in some way? As I say I'm not sure how it works.

I could have started a thread with the same title! For very similar reasons. Now the previous noisy occupants of the flat above me have moved out and I think they've sold it and I think from various clues that the new owners haven't moved in and some other things I think they're not planning to live there and are "flipping it" which means there's a LOT of diy/construction going on which is very very noisy they're staying within the noise laws though so sod all I can do! It's been 3 months so far!

The advice to talk to such neighbours is well meant but usually not only useless but potentially dangerous. The ones I had before when I complained about them (they were doing things like drilling at 7am on a Sunday!) they nearly put my door in, shouted and swore whenever they passed on their way to/from their flat (even though they had their young kid with them) and ultimately threatened my then 16 yr old dd - at that point I got police involved! They gave them a warning of some kind and they did back off the harassment/threats but the noise and anti social behaviour continued.

I'm HA myself - we're not all shit neighbours - my asbo neighbours owned! Both "working professionals" and I would estimate in their late 30's. Shocking behaviour you wouldn't expect from such occupants given how they would appear "on paper"

I was made to feel by my HA that I was being a nuisance and "unused" to living in a flat - I've lived in flats all my adult life, I'd once before had noisy neighbours but nothing like the scale of this.

It's really detrimental to mh too.

Try and focus on positives, have your own stuff up fairly (but not antisocially) loud, use earplugs (the silicon smushy ones are best I've found), put a blind up etc to get as much privacy as possible and DO NOT let them tempt you into behaving badly.

@Laiste to be fair that's a common issue with male/female communication in our society, women often just want to vent/be heard, men think the woman is expecting him to "fix" things - shouldn't be the case with communication but very often is ime

The trouble I found is that neighbours like this do not care and are not made to care by the authorities.

So true!

We need much more stringent rules on noise and anti social behaviour and much better enforcement

Council, landlords and police just constantly pass the buck!

Approach the housing organisation and council but try to stay anonymous

It's virtually impossible to do so anonymously these days, my council you can't even access the right dept without proof of ID!

Strength in numbers may work - if everyone complains to council/HA maybe somebody WILL do something?

Perhaps speak to shelter? They may be able to advise? They're great for legal info and signposting to right lawyers in your area. Unfortunately where I live all the lawyers are shite!

Anonymous report suggesting police drop in some time ? Drugs ? Possible theft ?
Terrible and potentially illegal advice!

Where I live HA's take anti social behavior very seriously

Sadly not true everywhere

As others have said get your 'November House Move' plan underway.

The only thing about neighbours like that is that there is quite a high chance of a fall out among themselves so one leaving, ill health due to drug taking, the dog escaping and getting lost, one getting arrested.

Draw up the list and cross off as you get things done.
Keep in mind you are selling the property so it's not how you want the house but what might help to sell it.

I'm sorry to read about this & I will be honest I haven't read the full 5 pages, just the first few posts and something sprang to mind (which might have already been said).

Am I not right in thinking that these days, when someone views a property with an intention to buy it and asks either the current owner or indeed the estate agent what the neighbours are like, they have to divulge fully and truthfully.

Was such a question asked? if so there might be some legal way to pursue this issue.

I sold my house nextdoor to horrible neighbours. They were awful. Domestic arguments at all hours. Her locking him out. Him yelling through the letterbox. The kids walking the streets to escape it. Alcohol. Drugs. Dogs.
Nightmare.
I did declare all issues because the police had been called several times, not by us but I knew and didn't want to risk being sued or similar after exchange.
The man who brought it from me paid asking price (which was under market value) and turned it into a HMO. He didn’t care about the complaints at all. The new occupants were all single males who could hold their own.
Just wanted to give you some hope that it will sell even if you declare.

I agree with others, look to sell - preferably in the winter as there is less likelihood they'll be sitting out in the garden and being noisy when there are viewings.

Totally agree, plan to sell in winter when they won’t be out in the garden

It's pretty sad that the Police / Council don't take this sort of thing more seriously. As it is probably one of the worse thinks you can face.

Surely he will screw up eventually and be kicked out (assuming renting).

You definitely need to get in touch with the housing association. If this is the only issue making you want to leave the house this is completely unacceptable!
Good luck OP.

@TheFuckingDogs

I would start “killing them with kindness” if you can. Remember they’re just humans - if you start trying to talk to them a bit and open some communication it might make stuff a bit more livable for the time being

I don't think you understand how people like this work. They've had the police over multiple times. If she goes over to their house and is nice to them, they will simply laugh at her behind her back, think she's weird or see it as weakness.

@TheFuckingDogs